Rubyy
2zday |
Women visit message board more than men?
I was just thinking about how many more women than
men are here because they are affected by someone's meth use.
Addiction knows no gender & I'm sure there are equal numbers of
hurt males out there. But at this board there are ex's, mothers,
grandmothers... I'm not saying there aren't any men concerned,
so don't attack me, just seems most of the hurt loved ones
around here are female. What do YOU think? |
Replies... |
Loraura |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I think men and women deal with emotional pain
differently.
Women, in general, are more likely to seek out help from others
to solve a problem they see in their life.
Men, in general, are more likely to look within themselves to
solve a problem they see in their life.
Not all, of course, but in general society has set examples of
gender specific "appropriate" behavior for all of us since we
were small children.
It's "OK" for girls to cry, to spend hours on the phone with
their girlfriends solving the latest crisis over which nail
color looks better and how they can possibly go to school ever
again after tripping into a plate of mashed potatoes in the
cafeteria.
It's "OK" for boys to laugh off a problem and pretend it never
happened. It's "OK" for boys to keep their feelings to
themselves.
Boys are pushed to take responsibility for themselves in their
jobs and education. Girls are allowed to depend on others for
assistance and not do so well at their goals and it's views as
"OK".
Yes these are stereotypes and don't apply in all households. But
in society at large, what we see on TV, in movies, in the
news.... these things are accepted as normal for the gender.
|
Sfj |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Ruby,
Thank you for posting this.
I've asked similar questions in the past, but I get frustrated
when searching for something meaningful answers.
By far, the number of women on this forum is greater.
But why are the 12-step meetings usually populated by more men?
This forum, and the women here seem to be looking for support,
encouragement, a sympathetic ear and understanding more than
they are looking for answers.
That notion is not as comfortable for many of us men. |
Cindy
Luu |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Sfj,
What do you think most of the men are looking for and have over
us women? Do they have any answers?
Or do they just check in once a year to see if there are any
answers yet? What about talking things through to try and figure
out an answer.. This place is a meat market of women. I remember
when my other half told me how he was so mad that he had to take
dance. He then noticed there were ten girls to the one him. He
though he hit the jack pot.
|
Loraura |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Quote:
But why are the 12-step meetings usually populated by
more men?
For every man at a meeting there's a woman asking him how the
meeting was when he gets home!
Just kidding.
But SFJ, aren't the meetings you usually attend predominantly
attended by gay men? |
djmom11 |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I have no answers to the question - just what
someone else said, men and women handle things in different
ways. Me, I wanted to learn all I could, and it is "nice" (if
you can say that about this!) knowing there are others who can
understand where you are coming from. Here in my little corner
of the world, in the few meetings I've been to with my kiddo,
seems equal as far as men and women, but she would be able to
answer that better then I. |
Rubyy
2zday |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I appreciate all of your input!
I agree that women are more likely to reach out & talk things
through, whereas men are more inclined to figure it out
themselves. Men see things more black or white, which has its
benefits & downfalls. Women tend to consider all options before
making a decision, which has positives & negatives too.
And I agree with Sfj that women seek support & men aren't as
comfortable with seeking support.
*I didn't get the impression that Sfj was saying that men have
anything "over us women",
I don't know where that came from! Things get easily misread.
I wasn't trying to start any gender war & hope people can share
freely.
I believe we are all equal. I also believe we are all different.
Let's celebrate our differences! |
nine
years
clean |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
My first reaction to this post was because women
are natural care givers and nurturers. Grandmothers, I think,
more readily step up to take on their grandchildren, because
let's face it, they are going to be the primary care giver in
that type of situation. Wives, I think, tend to be more
committed to saving their relationships at all costs, than do
husbands.
When I read some of the responses, like Sfj's, my first reaction
was there are more guys in 12 step meetings because more guys
are court ordered there than are women.
NOTE: I don't know these things for a fact, nor do I claim them
to be fact, I'm just telling you that these were my first
reactions. Before I thought them out, kind of shoot from the
hip, reactions.
I also agree with the assessment that men want quick and easy
answers, so they can go on with their lives without any sign of
trouble to the outside world, and that women are willing to
reach out to others in an effort to formulate answers. |
Guene |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Will when I was taking Jamie to meetings at NA,
there was alot more women than men, so I guess it just depends
on where you go for your meetings. Yes I would say that there
are more women than man, but I would guess that there are alot
of lookers who are men. women seem to need to reach out and I
don't think there is anything wrong with that. Hugs Bobbie |
TnSkye |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I was thinking that the women have to stay at home
with the kids and the computer is the only way to be able to
get help and support. Just a thought. I'd be in meetings too but
TinyTown Tennessee has none to offer. |
nine
years
clean |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Yeah, Skye, I had that fleeting thought too, but
then I couldn't think of very many stay at home moms that I
know.
Most of the women I know work, but then, we're always working so
how would we know how the other side lives??? |
TnSkye |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
There are a few here. We may work from home, but
try our best to stay at home. |
Cindy
Luu |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I am a stay at home mom.
I do miss working though.
Maybe again someday down the road I will be able to have an
adult life. Let me tell you, it is not all that easy for me. I
love action, people and life.. I put my children first and that
is o.k... Not saying others don't..
I would neer pick on Sfj..
Or, maybe I would cause I think he is cool.
The whole men over women thing came from the statement that
women are out looking for support, encouragement and a
sympathetic ear more than they are looking for answers. I think
that is very true, but I think women are also looking for
answers. Its hand in hand to me.
I would like to address something else. Why does it seem like I
always get blown off and when the other half has something that
seems important to him he demands that it gets first priority
until he is happy with the answer? It seems a little
hypercritical to me.
Gender war...
That is a funny thought.. I am game. |
SweetP
1126 |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I agree with Loraura on this one. Men just aren't
suppossed to show emotion. They're not "suppossed" to talk about
what bothers them, how they feel, and so on. It's just not the
cool thing to do, for a boy/man that is. They think it shows
weakness, because that is how they have been programmed.
IMO, I think that is why a majority of men become addicts. They
don't know how to deal with all the things they feel, like
disappointments, hurt, etc..., so they turn to drugs to help
with the pain. I know there are a few exceptions, the ones that
don't think they have to be tough, but I don't know very many
personally.
Stereotypes are ugly, but they are a fact. Men have to be the
tough ones and we women are the gushy ones. But in most cases,
the women are the ones that end up having to be the tough ones,
hold it all together. And the men are the ones that fly all to
hell.
So I think maybe men should just try crying a little. It works
wonders.
Hope I didn't offend anyone |
Ben
Twelve
toes |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Hi Sweet P:
In the beginning of my recovery I did a lot of crying. I cried
from pain and I cried from joy. I agree with you that it worked
wonders. For me tears are healing.
These days I still find myself with tears in my eyes but it is
usually from the joy in my new life.
No offense taken here. |
Who
LetMe
GetMe |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Lolaura - Whenever I go to the rooms for meetings,
the women latch onto me because I guess there may sometimes be
men that have sexual afflictions or disorders associated with
their previous use.
Plus for me.... I have a meeting at 5:30 today that's for women
only and I totally dig that. I'm not out to meet anyone. Please,
for all of you male readers, I'm sorry if I sound like a beotch
hangin overboard but if you go to meetings and you think about
what I'm saying then you will truly understand that I mean no
offense.
Wow, what a trip.... Mormon missionaries were just at my door. I
promised them I'd keep the pic of Jesus but wouldn't lie about
calling the # for their free video! Hey man, atleast I'm honest,
right?? Plus, no bullsh#@ing, they left! Right on!
A key for me is coming back to my higher power and I think it is
sometimes easier for women to "surrender" if you catch my drift.
We're, IN MY OPINION, more apt to state our weakness and accept
our fualts.....
Just what I think. Thanks for asking....
Peace ~ Don't pick up, not matter what! |
25 years
but
no more |
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Women will look for answers way before men do. Just
like a woman will ask for directions long before a man will.
Also, men are more likely to lurk in the shadows here longer
then women will before they ask for help. Women find it easier
to ask for help then men do. It is nothing against men, it is
just the way that they were brought up. (For all of you men that
are out there in the shadows lurking, the sooner that you ASK
for help, the sooner that YOU will begin to heal. So, do
yourself a favor and post something here. Nobody here can help
you, if we don't even know that you exist. This goes for the
women, and teens, who are here lurking in the shadows too.)
Think about making your FIRST post today!!! |
