KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Dealing Meth - What's the power trip about?

silly veronica	Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? In addition to Chad using, he has claimed his bigger problem is the dealing. The need to feel like "the man", the one who is in power, the one who decides who will and won't get it, and of course, the MONEY. Just curious if there are any ex-dealers on this site. Any perspective you can give me? Not putting myself back in a situation to be hurt by him, but I've been listening to him over the phone and am trying to understand as much as I'm capable of. Anyway - perspective from a dealer? Anyone?
Replies...
blinded for2years	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? I don't have an answer, but I do know what you mean. I think my ex was addicted to the lifestyle as well. He loved to "hustle", I think it was excitement for him, I think it made him feel powerful too.
sister	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? *Quote:* perspective from a dealer? Anyone? here is the perspective from a sister: my brother was just sentenced to 10 years in Federal prison..... he was also addicted to the "power of the game" he's a big man now, huh? (as he sits in Oklahoma City getting his orientation into prison life)
Saved inillinois	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? My husband manufactured, sold, and used. He was VERY MUCH addicted to the "power" of being the man. If he hadn't made tons of money, been able to buy "toys", and been the guy that people suck up to, he wouldn't have stuck with it as long as he did. My husband isn't the type of person that could've been the "lowly user". He thrived on the money, the influence, and the power of drugs.
gigi177	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? I lurk a lot here but very little input given. I read your messages so I've been following your life. My question to you is 'why are you talking to him on the phone?' I thought you weren't answering his calls etc. You're being sucked back into the drama too. I'm not trying to be mean but pointing out what you're doing to yourself. Sorry if I offend. Just my personal take. Move on to a healthy relationship.
silly veronica	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? I totally understand what you're saying ... but I disagree. I am living my life, spending time with my children, working, and doing all of the other things that I do for myself. I have sent him notification of his property at my house, and as stated in that notification, if they're not out by November 3rd, they're mine (he knows this). I am still moving forward with ME, taking care of ME, always first and foremost ... but .... I still care deeply for him, I would never deny that (and couldn't if I wanted to ... I think it's pretty obvious). I've read several books and am working the steps in myself to take care of MY problems. I can't explain "where I'm at" - there aren't really words but I'm feeling strong and I see the big picture for what it's worth. What I'm offering to him at this point is an ear - nothing more. He has been speaking to me with respect and talking openly and honestly about where he's at. At the moment that that changes, I will no longer listen. I can't make him seek recovery, I've tried that and lost. There have been a few really good posts lately from spasemonkey and others, giving the perspective from "the other side." I was hoping to get responses with relation to dealing, to help me better understand. Not to get suckered back in again, not to give up on my own progress and jump back into a relationship with him -- but just for my own better understanding. That's the honest truth.
Imgetin rite	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? Back when I first was in " the game" I was one of the largest dealers around. I cooked it as well as sold it. Cooking it and being the guy with the dope gave me a God like complex. People would do anything to try to be my friend or to get on my good side. I would act like a total a**hole, and people would pretend it didn't bother them. I had people hanging around me like body guards and it seemed at times they worshiped me ( so I thought ) But...in the long run...the big man...always gets the most time
kittykat 911	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? I could have wrote the same post as Kevin about my husband. He got 97 month federal time and now has no friends or followers.
silly veronica	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? My addict has already been to prison ... lost all his friends and followers, got released in August 2005, and went back to his old ways to use/deal once he was released August 2005. That's kind of why I'm trying to understand that aspect of it. Getting sent away, losing everything, yet gets out and that "power" and "money" and "friendship" is important enough to him to go back to that instead of continuing to live a clean life.
chris gonz	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? I dealt too. Having the money and the dope, yea... all kinds of people came around and all kinds of people would do all kinds of stuff for the dope. They'd do anything for even a 20 sack... for me, it got ugly. I didn't like how I saw people become and I KNEW I had something to do with that. The line.. "If they don't get it from me, they'll get it from someone else" quit working for me. I see too that all I had from drug money is gone. The things I have from gifts or my honest earnings... I still have. So, for me... I had to decide how I really wanted to be viewed by my 'friends' and what I was contributing to my community, the area I live in, the place children, mine included play. That's what made me quit running any stuff. I won't even tell anyone anything I know about it. NOBODY!!!
Imgetin rite	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? *Quote:* That's kind of why I'm trying to understand that aspect of it. Getting sent away, losing everything, yet gets out and that "power" and "money" and "friendship" is important enough to him to go back to that instead of continuing to live a clean life. Its the feeling of being important..... in my opinion anyway. Getting away from dope is not that hard. Its getting away from the addict way of thinking that's the battle.. Once you are humbled...and lost everything, the thought of feeling useless and worthless comes next. For some, myself included at times, the thought of being looked up upon seems better than being alone. Some will never escape this. I am struggling with it everyday now myself. last week when i relapsed....I kind of felt that same power when i was making it. The only reason why I am not in federal prison right now is that when I was released from state prison, I made a effort to join all the meth coalitions I could. I have become active in meth awareness and I often speak at high schools. I have been spoken with the us attorney that was in charge of my case. He Promised me that he had enough on me to to send me away for my natural life, and If I get arrested for any drug related offence that I will be indicted, and convicted. I have friends ( or so I thought ) that are spending the rest of their lives in prison because of that " power " feeling. I don't want it. I want to recover. I hate thinking like a addict. But, unfortunately....some will never get to the point I'm at until its too late.
chris gonz	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? have you heard about recidivism?? Reverting back to old behaviors. It sounds like you've come a lot further than you give yourself credit for. Speaking to kids is big. I think it's way cool that you do that.... along with the rest. Wow. That's cool!!
Imgetin rite	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? At first...i was very nervous about doing it..... but, I talked to a school for kids with behavior problems about a year ago I think......anyway, one of the kids that was in there came up to me afterwards and told me...that what I said had helped her in more ways then i would ever known. Now, I take every chance I can get. Its my way of trying to make up for some of the bad I have done. Now, After last week...I'm not sure I can stand up there and tell my story anymore. I let myself down.....and a lot of other people too. maybe someday i will think differently...but for now......who knows
vctry7	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? Please don't quit talking to schools. Almost everyone relapses. Kids still need to be educated. They still can learn from your mistakes. Have you thought about going to jails or rehabs? It is another experience that you can share with those who might also think it is "the end".
silly veronica	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? *Quote:* Now, After last week...I'm not sure I can stand up there and tell my story anymore. I know it's a personal choice, but I think you should continue to speak to them. You're human, people make mistakes ... the important part is learning from them. I don't know you, but it seems to me you've learned your lesson ... why not share that with others in hope that it will help them even more. You're doing great if you ask me ... you're human just like the rest of us.
cuzicare	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? I appreciate your honesty - God Bless You on your journey!!! Keep up the great work.
Dawn Michele	Re: Any ex-Dealers of Meth out there? My brother the meth dealer...known to all his "friends" as The Rooster. Well that about sums it up.