Methamphetamine: Stories
and Letters of the Hidden Costs
by Users, Loved Ones, and Parents
Hello, My name is Amanda I'm 16 years old and here is my
story.
When I turned 14 years old I found myself very unsatisfied with my
life I didn't feel as if I had enough but if you ask me now, I had
everything when I was 14 years old and had no reason to be unsatisfied..
I had friends, I had a family, I had my looks. (Everything I needed) I
had never done drugs except for maybe some pot here and there until one
day I was introduced to my old friend methamphetamine by my boyfriend at
the time.. I decided I'd give it a try. I was amazed to say the least.
How could this little drug give me so much energy, make me feel so
alive, and take away all of my problems?.. My weekend drug use of a
little Meth had progressed into me getting high nearly everyday! Into
about 9 months of using I was a full blown addict yet the entire time I
wouldn't tell myself I was an addict I told myself that..
"I could stop at any time".. Before I knew it meth had robbed me
from my money, my possesions, my grades, my friends, my looks, my
family, even my emotions... At the age of 15 I just stopped going to
school it was no longer important to me. Soon after that my parents were
more than a little fed up with me. They were sick of getting phone calls
from my dealers looking for me, they were tired of me leaving the house
and not comming back for days at a time, my abusive behavior, my anger
problems... My parents both told me if I wouldn't accept help (rehab)
they would be done with me... If I didn't accept help they would no
longer take my phone calls, let me live under their roof, or talk to me
unless I was going to see them to receive help. I passed up the
opportunity to get clean. They kicked me out I had nowhere to go except
for my boyfriends house I moved in with him after 2 days of living on
the streets he got me pregnant and couldn't accept/handle the fact that
he was going to be a father.. Kicked me out after that I really had
nowhere to go. I was 15 years old pregnant, addicted, and had nowhere to
live I took a good look at myself and made myself believe I could be ok.
I called my sister and told her my situation I told her I needed to get
away from all of my connections and start over. She offerd me help I've
been living with my sister for 6 months now and am expecting a baby
boy.. I've been working hard on rebuilding my life. I still live with
the daily urges to use the devils drug. I have too much to lose now It's
been a long road for me and I'm sure there is much more to come... Meth
is truely a destroyer and if you have yet to fall for It's trap take my
advice and don't touch it.. Because honestly it hates you and wants you
to fail...
--Amanda
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Long story made short-Meth/Marijuana use
Hello my name is Amy. I am going to try to make this short but
there is so many messed up points in my life for only being 21 years
old. At age 14 I did my first drug Acid in the form of a "sugar cubes"
which is slang. This was before I ever smoked pot but I had snuck a beer
from a party at age 11 and took 2 drinks and puked and thought it was
horrible. I loved the Acid, but it is not around this area in Central
Florida that much so lucky enough I didn't get a chance to get hooked on
that. Next drug was Marijuana at age 14 with my older and favorite
brother of the 4 brothers I got, no sisters. I didn't even get high the
first time I smoked the joint with them and couldn't understand the "big
greatness" that my "friends" liked so much, I didn't get high and didn't
feel no difference in my personality or mind. Then I tryed it again, why
I don't know since I didn't care for it the first time, but that was all
it took. I've smoked pot since then. I am VERY happy to say I have not
smoked pot in 14 days. Back to the point, I tryed just about every drug
except herion and crack, did "crank" for the first time at age 16 (in
between that time of 14-16 I smoked pot everyday and drank a lot (but
not like I smoked my Mary Jane) with friends and my brothers "older"
friends every day as soon as I got out of school until 10pm every night
which was curfree from my mom to be home and I respected that rule for
awhile. At 16 I tryed crank for first time with my older brother because
he says "I know you will do it one day, and I would rather it be with me
so you are not getting dope that can be laced and kill you". I liked it
but it didn't touch my love for marijuana. I started doing crank on a
regular basis, staying up days at a time, never missing school but going
to school "geeked up" big time. My mom really didn't get involved with
my business or "who I hung out with" becasue I brought home straight A's
all year round and that was her main concern. I did crank for about 4
months straight and one day I went to a friends house of mine that I
geeked with pretty offten and I had been up for about 7 days and hardly
had any food in my body and I don't re really what all happened
but she pissed me off some way and beat the shit out of her in HER
living room floor, she didn't call the cops and just told me "go to bed
Amy". I took her advise and that was the last time I ever touch "crank"
again. She forgave me and we still remain best friends. I graduated high
school earlier than most teens at age 17 with high honnors. I met a man
at age 17 two months before turning 18 and fell in love, I was still
smoking pot very heavily, a quarter sack a day, and my new loved smoked
pot and drank beer a lot more and would be consided an alcoholic. We
married when I was 19 he was 26. We got our own place and still live in
same home today. THEN, a new form of "crank" started coming around town
which was called "ICE" or crystal meth. My husband has never done any
drugs besides smoking pot and it very againest crank, meth, crack, coke,
ex... anything but pot and beer. My favorite brother that was the
introducer of my drug use started getting many connections with this new
drug "ICE" everyone loved it-- that did it, crank made you feel like
total shit when you come down and Ice was consided to be a more "pure"
form. After being married 1 year I started working a new job and got
involved with Ice, I am a bigger girl and when I stared this job I
weighed 275 pounds I started doing just a "scooby snack" (Ice put in
piece of tissue and swallowed) in the morning when I got to work to hide
this from my husband. In three months or so I was down to 210 pounds but
I was wanting Ice more and more to "keep the weight off". I started
school to be a Phlebotomist and I completed with high honnors again,
while smoking pot, "eating/Swallowing" ICE. I have still kept this
secret from the love of my life and I would never tell him because of
the fear he would leave me....and I love him. I still do Ice every once
in awhile and it is to "keep my weight the same, or loose more" although
I know u just gain it right back because it is not the healthy way. I am
not a stupid person I am very well educated and I know when enough is
enough, MIND OVER MATTER. YOU have to be smarter than the drug, but I am
in NO way saying it is okay to do drugs or that they will not tottally
ruin your body and your life and family. I just have not let the drugs
come before family/responsibities/ or better my life and future. But
some people get hooked quick. This is my story. Thanks for reading.
--Amy
My addiction
If you knew me a year and a half ago, you wouldn't recognize who I
am today. I wouldn't have thought I would be in college right now, on
the path to be a lawyer, in a stable relationship with an AMAZING guy,
or making straight A's. I was on ice for 2 and 1/2 years........... I
have now been clean for a year and a half. I started using meth the
summer going into my 8th grade year, I lived in a very small town,
everyone knows absolutley everyone and if your in 8th grade, its not
unusual to hang out with high school seniors..... Thats exactly what I
did. My cousin was the first person to get me into meth. It started
out as me smoking it one time when i was really drunk, and I got an
automatic HIGH. I absolutley loved it. My cousin and I grew up
together, and so we started smoking more often. I then started to date
his bestfriend, and dealer when i was in 8th grade, and he was a
sophmore. As long as we were together I smoked for free, no biggie. I
come from a very rich town by the way, where the parents are always at
the country club and instead of dealing with their kids, they give
them money to i guess pay them to go away. Thats exactly what my
parents, my cousins parents, and my ex boyfriends parents did..... all
of our friends parents were the exact same way. They were too worried
about living their own lives to see ours, and see the major problems.
Well anyways, as many of you may know, every batch of ice you get WILL
NEVER be the same as the one you smoked yesterday, the day before or
tomorrow. I probably wouldn't be off ice right now if it weren't for
the bad batch we got. It had too much battery acid in it, and i almost
OD. I was checked into a mental hospital for drug problems. My cousin
continued to use it, and he eventually OD on christmas eve........
What a christmas right? I've lost my cousin because of meth....my aunt
and uncle will NEVER spend another day with him, nor will I....... I
guess i was lucky to not OD, although I have no earthly idea as to why
God let me still be on this earth. I truly am lucky to be alive, I
sometimes sit back and reflect on the weeks i wouldnt' sleep, eat,
just smoke...... and ask God why in the hell am I still here, but then
i re, I have a story to tell, and thats exactly what I do now, I
go to high schools and junior highs to tell kids about crystal meth.
What a lot of people don't realize is how prominant it is in small
towns in texas, and the growing problem all over the country. Please
if you have a loved one who is on it, get them help even if they don't
want it, you don't want to end up like my aunt or uncle who doesn't
have a son to see on the holidays, they will never be able to see him
get married, have kids, or grow older...... Although my parents got
very lucky, they might not have unless I would have gotten help.
--A girl in texas
I'm Clean
I used meth religously for years, I was the nicest most honest
person you would ever meet for the first year. And that is one of the
oh so many reasons that I had to continue my use. However the longer I
used the meaner I got. I was snappy with my family and didn't care
because I was "only hurting myself" or so I thought. I have been clean
for 11 months and it scared the mess out of me just thinking about not
using. I think and now know it is the best decission I have ever made
in my life. I now have a job working in recovery and it is the most
fullfilling thing I could do. I guess we all go through things for a
reason but its what you do with the stuff you learn that counts.
Everyone has to hit their "bottom" before they will change and if you
have family that are using you have to let them hit their bottom or
things will stay as they are. I hit mine and now that I realized it
and changed my thinking and my using ways there is no where else to go
but up. Find NA or AA and non-using friends. Or AL-Anon or Al-Ateen,
it will change your life. I hope I have helped someone, because so
many others have helped me. Just pass on your knowledge there are so
many other people scared to ask for help. Lend a hand, but don't be an
enabler(don't let them use you so the can use)
--Paula-GA
My experience with meth started
with my neice using and offering it to me. For so long I was against
her use and tried to convince her to stop using. I always had no
problem turning it down until one night back in 2001. My husband and I
were seperated for an unfortunate event that lead him to be locked up
for 6 months. I went to a party with another neice of mine which is
about 5 years younger than me. Everyone had been up partying and
things were starting to wind down around 2p.m. So my neice and her
boyfriend had asked me to go driving around with them on some back
roads out in the country. About 15 minutes into our drive they pulled
over and said they were going to do a bump and asked if I wanted to
try it. They told me I really want you to try it, but I'm afraid you
may like it and want to keep doing it. I gave in that time it was
offered I'm not sure why if it was because of the loneliness of being
away from my husband, the temptation of it being there and wanting to
feel like them or if it was the challenge whether I would keep using.
I thought to myself no way I wouldn't use again, I can do it one time.
So I did and that is where my love affair with meth began. It came to
be an every weekend deal to a couple of days a week to more and more.
I sold my body, mind and soul to the devil(dealers) just to have a
hit, a quarter paper, a gram. I almost lost everything and everyone I
love in my life. Thank god for getting into trouble with the law and
the program I am in today. I signed with Drug Court in Pontotoc County
and now have 529 days clean.
--Lisa
MY X ,THE ICE QUEEN (METH) AND ME.
BY CYMONNE
Last night, i had a dream,
where you were you, and i was me.
Then i awoke, sad it can never be,
for i was replaced you see,
not by a woman or a man,
replaced by what most cant understand,
meth has replaced me you see,
and now we are as far apart as we can be,
the ice queen has stolen him you see.
He so devoted to she..
eyes of blue that used to look at me,
are dull and lifeless as can be,
no more strong arms to hold me now,
small and weak they are now,
long blonde hair like the sun,
He has none now, its all gone.
It was with great sadness
i have stopped seeing this one,
his fate is sealed, his life is gone,
for he no longer thinks of me,
trapped into death,
by his blind devotion to the ice queen.
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