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A letter to the all powerful Meth


csimp
70
How meth changed me
Dear Crystal Meth,

Well it’s been 11 years but you’ve finally won. You’ve finally managed to beat me down enough to give up. After 9 years of marriage, I’m finally conceding to you.

You were so seductive at first, so tempting. You made the party more fun. You made sex great. You made it last for hours, but that’s just you digging your claws into our souls. I will admit without you, I wouldn’t have met my husband, but little did I know then that I would lose him to you.

11 years ago I was high on you. I wanted to go to the bar to hang out on my day off. And there he was, the love of my life. I don’t think he suspected I was high, but man did he get to me. So see I’m to thank you for helping me meet him.

After dating off and on for a few months we finally went away for a weekend. I asked him if he liked to do you, snort a line or two. He said he didn’t care if I brought it, but he liked it too much. Little did I know that that began the dance between the three of us.

He fell for you hook line and sinker. I guess he had broke it off with you and that little re-introduction just brought up all the past you two had together. Oh, at first we had fun with you. We had sex for hours on end, talked until the sunrise, and more sex and more sex. It helped us fall in love. But then …. You really sank your hooks in. He couldn’t really shake you and you came between us. I left, I came back, I left, I came back it was a never ending cycle. Then we got married.

I thought for sure you wouldn’t come between us then, but I was crazy to think that. I was crazy to think he would let you go for me. You see you didn’t really have me. I didn’t really like you. I only did it to be close to him. To be cool, just to be with him. I loved him, like I loved no other. I put up with the all the tweakers that you bring along. The girls that came between us because of your seductive powers over him. While I was trying to be close to him, he was getting closer to you. You used him, you abused him. You took him down all those years…and I stood by him praying for a better life. Praying that my love would beat you. That my love would help him break away from you, but who was I kidding. Then the kids fell in our lap.

Now, I thought for sure he’d leave you. He had a chance to be a Dad again. But let me say again… who was I kidding. It didn’t matter that we got the kids because their parents were meth addicts, it didn’t matter to him, to you. You used your influence over him once again. So I gave up then, and said he has to leave. Let him go be with you, I knew I was defeated by you. Once again, I kept praying, I kept hoping but nothing was changing. More girls, more problems, he was even stabbed in a fight over you. So, I filed for divorce.

Well that seemed to wake him up. He checked himself into rehab. He did the work, he kicked you out of his life. He became clean and sober and he got out of rehab. He came home, we found love, happiness, peace, God. Then he relapsed.

He still fought you, tried to fight you harder and harder but it was a losing battle. He kicked you out of our lives for a few months again, but somehow you found a way back into him. That was 8 months ago. Now he’s all yours. There comes a time to admit defeat. A time to let go.

You had him, and by association you had me… but I don’t want you. There is more to life than waiting for someone to get home, wondering if they are even going to come home. More to life than crying every night, no being able to trust the person you love. Fighting constantly over you. Being lonely, and when you finally do give him a break, he’s so tired that he sleeps all the time. What kind of life is that??

And what are you??? Your nothing, you’re a demon and I have no use for you. You disgust me. Even when I did use you, all I ever did was throw you up. You knew you couldn’t get to me, so you picked on my husband. You found a weakness and prayed upon it… feasted upon it.

I love him and always will, but I’m not willing to share him with you, and I’m not willing to sit on the sidelines while you destroy him. I don’t have the power to destroy you, and you don’t have the power to destroy me. Just my relationship.

I wish I could say love conquers all, but it doesn’t really. Tries, it really tries, but it can’t conquer this demon.

I know you’ll use him, I know you’ll abuse him and you’ll eventually kill him, and then you’ll move on to your next victim. You are a merciless drug, there is no glamour in you. I wish people could see that and not pick up that pipe… you’re special calling card.

One day you’ll be destroyed…one day by the Grace of God you’ll be destroyed, but I fear that will be when we are in a different time and place. I pray for the poor souls who are lost.

I’m throwing in the towel. You win.

Regretfully,

One sad soul
     Replies...
durango
kase84
Re: How meth changed me
Wow that was really deep.... I threw in the towel to it and my MOM.... and let it take her over completely... Mothers day 2004 I thought i would give it one more try and it worked.... And now she says to me Thanks Jack U saved mY life... And tears came abroad and those r the best words any son can here... There is always hope and get praying... One day , just one day..... Keep ur chin up and ur head held high..... Theres always hope!!!
scared
ma
Re: How meth changed me
That was beautiful. But I have to disagree because I don't think anything is more powerful than Love. Not even Meth. I have to believe that.

See also:

Dear Meth


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