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Turned Mommy in - how do I explain to 3 year old?


upagainst
thewall

Telling grandson the truth


How do you explain to a 3 year old that you are going to send his Mom to jail tactfully. She stole my car yesterday and I filed a report and he does not understand why I am sending Momma to jail. I tried to explain that his mommy doesn't do good things and she doesn't always do what is right. He is so smart about things and full of questions and I would never intentionally hurt him in any way but I refuse to be a doormat for daughter anymore. Any body?

     Replies...
TnSkye

Re: Telling grandson the truth


If you tell that baby that you are sending his mommy to jail, you are telling him that you are sending his mommy away from him, making you the bad guy.

I think, if it was me, I'd just say that mommy did some things that she was not supposed to do and now must be punished by the police. He's 3 and doesn't need a lengthy explanation, just a few facts to explain why mommy won't be around for a while. At the end, be sure and tell him that mommy loves him very much and will be thinking only of him while she's away.

You may relate the punishment to something he is familiar with, like, when he hits or bites and has to sit in time out......

upagainst
thewall

Re: Telling grandson the truth


It sometimes seems so hard to even be civil to her. She has went out of her way to make life HELL for me and her boys. My hubby left early yesterday to go out of town to work till Friday pm and she came about 1 hour after he left and took the car. Still trying to figure out how she got in my house and got the car key. Hubby said he knows he locked the deadbolt. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm........

TnSkye

Re: Telling grandson the truth


You know the saying, Where there's a will, there's a way? I'm sure it applies to addicts as well. She's probably learned all sorts of crafty new tricks. My husband did.

Scared
Angel

Re: Telling grandson the truth


I know you are angry with your daughter, but please refrain from transferring that anger to your explanation with your grandson.
Focus on the action that she did wrong, and the punishment that goes with the action.
Your grandson is stilla part of her, you don't want him to think that he is bad because she is bad
Quote:


I tried to explain that his momm doesn't do good things


I know you are trying your best, and I know it's hard. It was hard explaining myself and my actions to my children during recovery. My Mom hated me for the emotional pain that I caused them. But no matter how many broken promises I made, and no shows that I have done, my little ones NEVER stopped loving me. They were getting angry with Grandma for saying such mean thing about me during that time.
Today they love their Grandma, and I explained to them it was because I didn't behave, and it was Grandma's way of scolding me when I wasn't around to hear it.

unwise

Re: Telling grandson the truth


I guess one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received came from a lawyer.

My children were babies, not even walking yet. I was trying to get support from a dead beat dad. I had no money and this lawyer helped me for free. When we left the court room he pulled me aside and told me to NEVER say bad things about this man to my children. He told me it would come back to haunt me someday if I did. So I never did. It was hard to not tell them things but I did not.

Years later, they were grown, he tried to come back into their lives and he did it running me down. They wanted no part of him. They told him I had never said a bad word against him in all the years.

I was so glad I listened to this advice. I know it's hard but it would be good if you could just keep the little one out of it all together. He doesn't need to know anything about the legal/law stuff. A simple "mommie is sick and can't visit us right now" would be good. JMHO

wishin
an hopin

Re: Telling grandson the truth


Upagainstthewall-
Please don't explain where MOM is by blaming MOM or the POLICE. Both will leave a bad taste in your childs mind. Instead tell him that Mom made some bad decisions and has to go to a "time out" place to think about what she did. She will be able to come back when she has thought about what she did. Make sure the child knows that it's nothing he/she did to cause mom to go away. Also don't make the Police the bad guy because that could bite you in the behind later in his/her life.
Good Luck my hopes and wishes are with you to get through this!
Wishin and hopin for a change

loveman
hatemeth1

Re: Telling grandson the truth


"time out place" Perfect analogy for a 3 year old. ditto wishin an hopin

upagainst
thewall

Re: Telling grandson the truth


Thank you,
The time out place was a gem. I think that is exactly how I will explain it to him. He is very smart for 3 and understands alot more than I give him credit for.


See also:

Crystal Meth and Methamphetamine effects on Children


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