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still catest |
How do you turn, run never look back at the meth?
I'm not getting it. Once you have FELT it, and LIVED it, how in the f*&k do you turn & walk the other way? Nothing else in this world will NATURALLY give me that feeling, that 1200 units or however much of friggin dopamine released, compared to like 200 units for an orgasm? Yes, there is so much more that meth gives me that I DON'T like at all, and if you break apart the time spent feeling freakin AWESOME, down to the lowest of lows, it doesn't seem like it's worth it. But damn, I can't let go of that f*&kin HIGH! Whether it lasts 6 hours or 30 minutes... So I'm asking you guys who are doing it. How do you let that HIGH go? How do you get the same euphoria and satisfaction from ordinary, "natural" life? |
| Replies... | |
nine |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth?
For me, I guess, it took the fear of actually dying, ceasing to exist, to make me see that the high wasn't worth it anymore. I was going to die. I was going to leave my son in this world without his mom. I was going to let my sisters and brothers and mom and dad and everyone who loves me live with the FACT that I died a drug addict. For me, it came down to choosing life or choosing death. If I continued to chase the high, I was going to die, and soon. It was consuming me. It was destroying me to the point where there was almost nothing left of me. No high in the world is worth giving up this precious thing called life. That's the conclusion that I had to come to in order to turn in the opposite direction and never look back. When and if I find myself comparing life with the high to life without the high, I remember only the bad, because the last few years using, it was all bad. There was no more high to enjoy. I could barely even get high anymore. It stopped working for me. I was just using it to feel normal, not high. That's how it was and is for me. love you sweetheart |
Loraura |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Quote: Those are two entirely different
questions. |
Penel0pe |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Quote: You already know how to do it. |
imlost inky |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Tina, I replied to you at AM. But for other's benefits I will post that reply here as well. Quote: Tina, I did long for it for awhile. I kept
it as a possibility, as wouldn't it be nice for awhile. |
Scared Angel |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? The memory of pain that I have caused is greater than the 30min - 6 hours of "freakin AWESOME". It doesn't mean that I never think about it, it just means that using again is not an option that I give myself. |
Sfj |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Yeah, I agree with you. many might disagree but I'm still convinced that nothing in "real life" is ever going to make me feel as good as meth rush. It just isn't going to happen. But then again, there's plenty of things I'm going to have to accept. Forget this nonsense about the impossible dream. Well meaning bumper stickers, "If you can dream it, you can be it. That's pure crap. I will never be eighteen again. I will never be an NFL quarterback. I will never win the Indy 500. I'll never get laid by Angelina Jolie I'll never be a bigger star and a better singer than Elvis. I'll never feel as good as I did on meth. So, I ask God, to again "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." |
Tender hearts KS |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Well, I'll tell you how I let it go. When I was taken to treatment, I weighed 109 pounds (I am 6' tall, weigh 150 now, and still look thin). I was wearing a 28" waist jean, and without a belt, I could literally walk out of them. I had blown out the veins in my left arm. I was pregnant. I was so weak I could no longer hold my head up or stand up straight. I couldn't remember the last time I ate. The doctor said I was days away from death. I spent the first two days on bed rest, and all I vaguely remember was drifting in and out and they had a really nice girl from treatment there 'sitting' with me because she was the only other needle user on the unit. I know she talked to me, but I don't remember what she said. And that 'letting go' doesn't necessarily stay gone either. I had some INTENSE cravings that first year, but by God I kept taking my ass to meetings at least 5 times a week, if someone didn't already show up to drag my ass there, I participated in my aftercare once a week for a year. There were days I hung on by my fingernails. I had to change playmates, playgrounds, and playthings. I had to walk away from my addict or I KNEW I would be dead in a week either from OD'ing or him beating me to death. You've either got to buck up and start doing it one day at a time, even five minutes at a time if you have to, but don't expect an instant 'letting go' because it doesn't always happen. It's damn tough to stay clean. No one ever told me it would be easy, and it isn't. But I have hung in there one day at a time, even five minutes at a time, long enough to start feeling that joy, that serenity that recovery can bring. I hate to disappoint you, but a lot of recovery is just mundane stuff, like paying the bills, taking the trash out, getting your kids to school. It's not the living on the edge life style we pursue in our addictions. You won't find euphoria. But I promise you there is peace of mind, serenity, happiness, and love in recovery. You're spiraling downward, and there's nothing I can do but pray for you. Maybe you've punched your 'getting clean' side of the ticket for the last time I don't want to take that chance today. |
chris gonz |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Hey Tina, Here's what's worked for me.... I decide whether or not I want to be doped up or NOT. If NOT, I stay the hell away from EVERYONE and EVERYTHING that has to do with the stuff. I NEVER expect ANYTHING to give me that same high, there's just no way anything can compare to it. I move forward and leave the drug world behind. In order for me to truly move forward, I had to change what I expected from everything. Like in square mode. Hope that helps some. |
Penel0pe |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Quote: YEAH! |
Steven Todd |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? "Nothing else in this world will NATURALLY give me that feeling..." Have you ever experienced pride? Or integrity? Or self-respect? Those are natural experiences that can and will transform your life in ways that will make you feel awesome after 30 hours, 30 days, 30 weeks, 30 months, 30 years as opposed to 30 minutes of destructive, self-serving physical narcissism. And when you are proud of yourself, and when you act with integrity, and when you have self-respect and self-control, people see it and value it and appreciate it and respect you for having it. And all of a sudden you'll find yourself in the midst of one of nature's most amazingly indescribable situations ........ self-growth, self-construction, self-realization. |
danimal 55 |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Tina, I kept pictures of dead meth addicts beside my monitor for nearly two years as something to "look back" on, one was my dealer, the others were young and old from this small community, three of the young men were best friends...all gone within months of each other. The anguish and despair at the funerals is also something I look back on, and I still see the parents and loved ones of the dead on a regular basis. These are my reasons to turn, run and never look back at the meth. Dead IS dead, morally, spiritually, emotionally and ultimately physically. Looking back in this way doesn't leave much room for euphoric recall or notions of "feeling freakin AWESOME" IMO... keep looking back and it will become the direction that you're headed. |
forget suzette |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? get on an airplane to Jacksonville Florida.. ...and I'll pick you up and bring you to the speedless island.. |
Fly f1sh3r |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? knowing that everything good, in the beginning of using was a lie. It felt wonderful in the beginning, and everything seemed wonderful in the beginning. It was a lie. In the end, no matter how hard I chased it, it never made me feel like it did in the beginning. I've followed your posts long enough to know that your beginning ended long ago. Quit listening to the lie. It will destroy everything good in your life. I have stayed clean long enough to experience things in life that make me feel better than meth ever did, and its real. |
Paws from hell |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? I guess for me it's when the scale tipped more towards the bottom than the high. I never stop thinking about getting high, ever because I have to remember the whole trip , the coming down, the crash , the bottom, all of them. It's not fun anymore, it will be this way for you too. If you continue to feed the beast. In the beginning before my "program" I used some theory from Rational recovery, I had to keep telling my brain okay I'm going to use.... in 100 years, seems like the brain is pretty dumb about the time line. All I heard was okay I'm going to use...... In a 100 years. Eventually as time passes I become more ignorant to the high. Exactly when my program takes over. Life is not that euphoria, (lies lies), you know . It's not always about the "orgasm" sometimes the foreplay can be just as exciting. Living life on life's terms, a new concept for me and you, we've always been on the "amped" side of life, it's not reality. Quit feeding the beast, it's like a stray cat, it'll keep coming back and eventually move in, because it grows, big, long , claws. I remember I wasn't convinced at first that I really could quit, that's exactly why I kept my scrawny azz in those meetings, though I couldn't even think straight, something, someone, " a power greater than myself" convinced me I wanted to stop. You see me everyday, take a look at the results of meth. Not pretty is it, You're on your way to becoming something like me Kid. Easy part, you don't have to . You refuse to pick up, trust, let go, and the promises become real. Stop feeding the beast! Starve it. |
still catest |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? Quote:Aww, Suzie, that made me get all teary! Yeah, sometimes I wonder if that is the ONLY way I can stop, is if there WASN'T any, or if I was tied up and held against my will for a few years. Would you, Loraura? That would be great. |
UCL Angel |
Re: How do you turn, run never look back at the meth? HOW?... Well, you could try what worked for me: 1. Take a look at the CAT-scan and MRI films of the brain of a meth user who has used for even just a couple of years or so. 2. Notice the empty spots and swiss-cheese-ish holes on the X-Ray films throughout the brain tissue, and realize those swiss-cheese-ish holes are DEAD AREAS WHERE BRAIN TISSUE USED TO BE, virtually eaten away by methamphetamine. 3. This is YOUR brain on meth. ANY QUESTIONS?....................... |
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