Treatment motivation suggestions?
Hello to all my friends.
If you've been following my posts, you know I've been
praying my daughter would go back to treatment. Well
today she went.
Thank God for a step in the right direction.
Now I would like some feedback from the group and keep
in mind I'm a counselor myself.
All they could talk her into is a 30-day inpatient. I
was arguing with the assessment folks because I know 30
day programs do little with meth but maybe get the
person dried out enough so they can think again and
begin treatment. It's not much in the way of treatment
in itself. Their strategy is to dry her out and then
push for more treatment when she can think and feel once
I read on here, stories of people so beat up by the drug
they drag themselves to treatment bleeding (so to speak)
You have real motivation then. My daughter does not have
this (yet) I wondered what you all thought of this. Do
you HAVE to hit a bloody bottom of death and destruction
or can motivation come in treatment? Her only motivation
now is try to get her child back from child protective
service, not knowing they will want MUCH more from her
before she ever sees her daughter. Her thinking is
pretty skewed from dope.
Also this program uses William Glasser's "Choice
Being a 12-step kinda guy, I'm not a big fan of this.
Anyone have any positive to say about Choice theory?
Hi, miracles come in all shapes and sizes (and time
frames).....I hope. Have faith and try HARD not to lean
on your own understanding.
I don't know anything bout the Choice Theory. Haven't
watched anyone I love go into treatment at all, have
given up almost all of my control over the addict....and
just know that letting go gives me the most peace.
Heck! I thought the serious life threatening infection
in the addict I love was a sure gift from God...thought
5 days in the hospital over Christmas was the BIG
Miracle...believed the dr's would bring in psych and
send the suicidal guy down the right path....thought he
would see his life saved as God's grace...nope. Not yet.
But ya just never know....back to acceptance and trying
not to lean on my own understanding.
Your daughter sure is blessed that you are a big 12 step
guy! Your day will come to be leaned upon.
All I can say is this...I have learned more in the past
22 days of outpatient treatment than I ever dreamed
possible. Some of the things were things I had heard
1000 times before...but suddenly they became REAL.
I can't speak for anyone but myself..
I want recovery more than anything else in the world. I
pray your daughter does as well....or that she learns to
while in treatment. For me it was like a light went off
inside my head & I finally got it!! I finally could HEAR
what people were telling me. It can and does happen..
just keep the faith...after all its all you can do.
I'm not familiar with Glasser's 'choice theory'.
For me, treatment was a Godsend. A LOT of it involved
being transported to outside meetings, both AA and NA.
We had to complete the first 5 steps before being
We never know when the seed will be planted. I've seen
many folks who were 'court ordered' to treatment and
meetings, only to go back out there some more after all
the court stuff was over with. I've seen some of those
come back later to 12 step groups because even though
their desire was not 'sincere' at the time, something
stuck and they came back.
I've seen people enter treatment where I was sure they
had hit a bottom, only to go back out again.
Someone once pointed out to me that the only requirement
for AA membership was a 'desire' to stop drinking, and
that didn't specify it had to be a sincere desire.
Don't anticipate the results, live in the moment, and I
will keep your daughter in my prayers
"not that it had to be a sincere desire."
Good point and well taken....
Here's some more info:
My husband is an addict (recovering).
My therapist had me read Choice Theory. It was pretty
dry, and quite academic - and at that point, my
attention span was too short to absorb much. But, the
basic premise was that we can choose how to act and think. Our feelings are a direct result of our
thoughts and actions, so we can indirectly
control our feelings (both emotional and physiological).
We are internally motivated to
think and act certain ways to fill common basic needs.
External motivation does little to compel us to seek the
things we need - external factors only play a small
It's all about personal accountability. Our choices are
our own. Because we can choose how we think and act we
can choose how we feel. To me, it was a pretty
empowering message - even though at the time, I couldn't
find the strength to change my thoughts.
I'll tell you - Dr. Glasser thinks that most mental
illness is a matter of choice.
"... people get symptoms or create them--what the world
calls mental illness--because they are in pain and
unhappy. The pain is caused by external controls
distorting relationships, by the failures of relating
and by choices the sufferers make. Recovery is about
making better choices now, not about finding out the
past, about feelings or about mental disease or mental
chemistry. Drugs are totally not indicated, for Glasser.
He sees psychiatry and psychology as sold out to
pharmacology and based entirely on a false model of the
brain and its relation to "the symptoms."
I think I'm ready to go back and re-read the book.
Oh - while I looking for more info, I found this.
Not Glasser related, but interesting nonetheless.
Great info on Choice theory. I guess my biggest problem
with it is that Glasser completly discounts the
unconscious. He feels there is no such thing as
transference or countertransferance between therapist
and client (which I know can exist.)
Also, SFJ posted some great power points on meth (
another post) that point out the paranoia doesn't
subside for about 15 days. So I guess I question the
30-day program my daughter is in. They only have about
15 days to teach her anything she might trust.
I can only imagine your fatherly fears...then add on top
your "professional" fears. Well.......fear:
F = False
E = Evidence
A = Appears
R = Real
Should your daughter see fear or doubt in your eyes,
that may eradicate any seed from being planted...that is
not meant to hurt you . Remember, as a recovering
addict I know I have deep emotional issues to heal. That
Mom read Sfj's website and gave me encouragement and
understanding-MAJOR motivator! Me letting my Mom down
and breaking her heart has been almost harder than
withdrawal & a few cravings.
Also , consider how many folks run across KCI daily
and find that one "spark" or "seed" and seek recovery. I
bet it would be a quite large number. What I read scared
me to quit-cold turkey-end of story.
Had I been sent or forced into rehab-nothing or not much
good would have stuck-especially with what I read of the
approach they are using with your daughter.
If you have contact/visitation with her-love her like I
know you already do even through your tears and pain.
Pray . God has been known to have a super sense of
humor and has used many a thing, person, place for
recovery seeds to take root.
Yeah-if it were me in there, I'd bust out. I don't like
that type of therapy. Too much psychobabble for me-no
offense-and no cognitive b. t.-yuck. If you knew how
many dollars I've wasted on therapy....crap I should be
so healthy and whole-but I'm not.
I was admittedly thick-headed-but those 12
Steps-recovery work that is so WORTH doing with ALL of
me. I finally got: I am worth it.
I hope I haven't offended you-it's certainly not my
intent . Faith, hope, love-all 3. They do work.
Please keep us posted on how she's doing and how you are
doing? Meanwhile-I'm praying for you both.
Miracles happen every day and in some strange ways!
Hugs, Love and Prayers to you and yours
Thanks for your kind words and no...you could never
offend me. I'm thinking of this just as a detox and hope
she can be motivated to a good long term program. We
have one place here in Spokane that is a 6-month
post-partum program meaning her daughter can be there
with her. Parenting classes. the whole deal.
The hard part for me. and I'm conscious of it. is fear.
Fear of disappointment again, betrayal, heart ache. fear
I may have to bury her if she won't get well.
I try my best to be supportive but leave counseling to
her counselor, The whole dad piece is in the way between
She admitted to me that weight (baby weight) was the
trigger for this relapse. She has an unreal body image
and feels she still "could lose 5 lbs" even thought
she's emaciated. Also I have to be careful not to
"knock" her drug using mother. I say. and have always
said...you become LIKE who you hang around with. If you
want recovery-be around recovery. It's possible to love
someone but be healthy enough to erect a boundary to
protect yourself from the drama and lies and stealing,
etc. All the craziness of the disease.
Fear of disappointment again,
betrayal, heart ache. fear I may have to bury her if
she won't get well.
I can so understand all of those
I am a hard learner, and for me, I don't change until
the pain of doing what I am doing begins to really
undermine my own recovery.
Today, for me, fear is absence of faith. I look at
everything I had to go through, including ending up days
away from death (6' tall, 109 pounds, pregnant, and too
weak to even hold my head up) and realize God had a plan
for me that NO ONE could see, least especially me. I
won't question God's plan for my oldest daughter
anymore. I can sleep at night. When the emotions well
up, I talk to my sponsor, go to a meeting, do whatever
it takes to walk through the emotions.
When I project into the future, I am not taking
advantage of today. I am not leaving the results to God,
I am not leaving my fears and anxieties in God's hands.
God carried me through the most horrible periods in my
life, I have no doubt. He never left me. He is also with
Give your fears and worries to God. ((((hugs))))
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