KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Am I an addict for life?

SOS 1988	Am I an addict for life? I've always been unhappy, I've stopped using meth because it's just unpleasant...the high is too hard to maintain and not that great anymore. But I've been jonesin' for weed....it just seems like my life is BITTERLY incomplete without an addictive substance (screw heroin and meth) to numb me up.....I really think I'll be a drug user in one way or another for the rest of my life.....anyone have any thoughts or felt the same way? Any personal stories or thoughts would be fantastic
Replies...
Kell happy	Re: Am I an addict for life? All I can tell you is this. I quit meth in 11/98. I kept doing drugs, mostly pot and alcohol, until 2004. I had to hit another "bottom" in order to want to quit pot and everything. It was a different bottom, but still a bottom. I still have days where I just wish I could have that numbing effect. It is hard to deal with my emotions sometimes, and I just wish I didn't have to. On the other hand, using just got to be miserable. The guilt, shame and self-loathing got louder than the numbness. And just like you said about meth, the high was not that great anymore. I think my life would be more incomplete if I didn't at least try to live it, be present in it, just as me. Sometimes there are feelings I can't even identify, or don't understand, or don't deal with very well. But at least I'm getting the chance to experience them. There are a lot of good ones. I have to give those a chance to get into my life. Life allows me a lot of opportunities for good stuff that I didn't have while I was in active addiction. So I get to have good times, too. Real ones. It's cool. It's still really rough dealing with everyday stuff, and difficult stuff sometimes. But I get a chance to learn and do better.
eyes open83	Re: Am I an addict for life? how long have you been clean? if you are in the first year of recovery what you are feeling is normal... just don't pick up anything and it will get better...
luve piphany	Re: Am I an addict for life? Recovery is a life long process. Celebrate the progress and reward yourself for living life every single day!! This world needs us just where we are!
Penel0pe	Re: Am I an addict for life? I felt the same way you do at one point in recovery - I wanted to quit meth, and use other drugs (OK, I wanted to smoke weed.) I found that I was smoking weed morning, noon, and night. I learned that in order to have some peace of mind, I had to quit getting high, period. I believe that getting high on ANYTHING is going to lead me back to one thing - meth - and I am not willing to risk that. Having a clear head is a GOOD thing! I had a hard time when I first stopped smoking weed, because the truth is I didn't really want to, but since I am working a program of recovery that asks me to be honest, open minded, and willing to do things another way, today I don't want to get high, period. That could change, who knows... but for today, I won't be get loaded on anything, no matter what!
Jamie J1979	Re: Am I an addict for life? You are not alone. I'm a recovering addict and I used heroin and coke, speed. For me getting help and not trying to do it alone is what works for me. I can't do this recovery thing alone, I just won't make it. Or if I do manage to not use I will be unhappy as all hell. Are you in a treatment program or do you work a recovery program? If not then I suggest you start, it really makes a difference. Having a good support system is essential. I'm in outpatient treatment, one on one counseling, I go to meetings, I get acupuncture, I keep busy, I try to enjoy life in some small way each day. I still get cravings once in awhile but I don't act on them. Find what works for you and stick to it.
danimal 55	Re: Am I an addict for life? I hear ya SOS. I never thought I would be happy without some kind of external object [drugs] or event [drug induced behavior] to simulate complete-ness. After 38 years of chemical dependency, I've come to realize there's nothing like the real thing [clarity of mind]. We owe it to ourselves to give it a try, we won't know until we do. For most of us the only altered state left is UN. I swore I'd smoke ganja 'til they planted me, but the weed got better [waaaay better] and my brain got more fried over the course of decades. Trust me...pot isn't harmless, over 450 chemicals have been discovered in pot smoke analysis aside from the cannabinoids/THC that get you "high". Pot is medicine...and we'll abuse it like any medicine. Chemicals don't work, they WILL own us.....if we let them. Drugs take a LOT more than they "seem" to give....and your true self will not be found in a drug, in fact you will drift further away from who you are. Give clarity of mind a fair chance [a lengthy chance], if it's something you find un-attractive, go back to frying your brain and live with the guilt, shame, remorse and brain damage that a lifetime of drug addiction will give you. Take it from a guy with a Teflon brain [nothing sticks] and chronic CRS. Given time.... Comfortably numb will make you comfortably dumb.