and Letters of the Hidden Costs
My best friend is a hardcore meth addict. It breaks my heart to see what he goes through. This kid is amazing when he's sober and he doesn't even realize it. He'll go missing for days, or weeks, then show up all gacked out and acting like someone I don't even know. He does any stupid thing out there to get high, he even robbed me once. Most of you are probably thinking red flag! Why are you still friends with this person. People don't see how amazing he is when he's not using (which I've seen few rare glimpses of since he started) When we first met he was sober. Before he went to jail a few months ago he was homeless, stealing from anyone, or anyplace that he could manage, to get meth. He was sleeping in an abandoned house with nothing but the clothes and his back (that people had given him) and worst of all he doesn't even realize he's hurting the few people left that actually do care about him!!! He's currently in jail looking at up to 2 years in prison for his last arrest. That happened not even 2 months after he had just got out of jail. I'm lost and have no idea what to do. I want to push him away, but I can't just abandon the person I love underneath...
Hi everyone so this is my story, When I was 21yrs old I met a guy that was 36yrs old. I thought he was great and fell deeply inlove with him. I did not know a thing about Drugs and was very anti drugs. We had alot of problems from the start that I ignored because I was inlove. He had a very bad anger problem and I was always wondering why he was on my A$S about nothing. After close to year of being together I found these glass pipe. To my horror I found out that he was addicted to meth. Eventually I became involved in taking pills then moved onto my first try of meth by smoking it over the course of the next year I would try pills and meth every no and then. I started getting scared that I would turn into an addicted because by this time I had tried meth over 10 occasions ( a few times smoking then I started snorting) I gradually stop taking ALL drugs because it was a weekend party thing for me but then I started getting really scared I would end up in a state that I saw most people I hung around with in. My partner still uses and has been a user for the past 15 years - Going by what he has told me. He is now 40 and says that he wants to stop. He is what you call a functioning addict - He has hels a job the 4 years we have been together and seems to hide it very well. Half the time I have know Idea when he is using. He usaually stays home alot but once every so often he will want to go out with his friends to thos Rave parties. We used to go together but since I have no interest in Drugs he knows I would probably be a 'drag' to take to those places. My stand point is this if you really want to stop using meth - or any drugs you don't go and put yourself in a place where there would be people doing it. He says he really wants to stop this time and that 'he can feel' it is comming to end for him. I want to believe him but he is going off this weekend again to another Rave. It hurts like hell that I have been nothing but second place to everything in his life and I hate that I have put my life on hold for someone so much older than me who should know better. I am only 25yrs old and I feel like I am 50. We are no longer living together because I want to see if he really will kick this Demon Drug out of his life for good. What really annoys me is that he says if he stops taking meth for good then he doesnt see anything wrong with taking a pill (extasy) 'every now and then' to 'let his hair down, because he works so hard and deserves it'. I dont want to be around drugs anymore and I dont want to be with someone who does drugs either. I am sick of the emotional and sometimes physical abuse I get inflicted on me simply because He wants to defend this demon. Are asked him recently dont you just want to have a normal relationship with me? He says Yes I really want us to work because I love you so much but you have to let me do this (quit) on my own when I am ready I told I can do that but I am not wasting another 4 years of my life waiting for him to get better so there has to be progress ASAP but he still wants to go to this Rave on the weekend! I said that just shows you are not serious and he said that 'these things take time, I cant be cured in one day and I have already bought the ticket'. I just pray something will happen soon! Wether it be I get fed up for good and CUT HIM OFF OUT OF MY LIFE or he turns into one of the success stories. I just dont know but I cant play this game anymore. There is so much hurt he has done to me - it is so painful. I wouldnt even know if he has cheated on me and I dont know if I could handle it if he has...But I do know if I found out anything like that it would be the breaking point for me and I would be able to look at him again...and yes I do know that doing meth does feel like he is cheating on my with Tina...I am grateful that we have no children together because this is hard enough to deal with by myself ...The confusing thing about it is that the user seems to have you convinced that they dont use as much which you in your heart cannot be true even if you can't pin point when it is happening you just have that 'gut feeling' it sucks . Thank you for listening.
Hi Ken: I was so moved by your story! I was a rehab technician for a while, and I can honestly say, that folks who experience addiction and go through a successful recovery for the right reasons, end up with an insight and spirtuality that is deep and honest. It's like they understand what a gift life is, what a short time we are here for, and the healing power of the love of Jesus Christ... I grew up in the 70's and it is only by God's grace that I did not become an addict. Everyone smoked pot, did a little coke now and then or dropped acid. I stuck to pot, but did do coke a few times (didnt like it) and never tripped. However, I knew lots of people who did any drug at any time...back then they were called 'garbage cans', supposedly because they would take/shoot/snort anything. I did hear some friends once talk about 'crystal' and snorted it once, without knowing what it was...again, I did not like it and never choose to do it again....I AM BLESSED! When I worked in rehab, when I read these stories, I am profoundly moved by what God sheilded me from. It seems totally miraculous that I could have done crystal for an entire evening (I do recall being up all night and had a racing pulse the next day) and NEVER had a desire to do it again...It just had no appeal for me. I do remember feeling super sexual though, and the dude I was with...the guy was visiting from California and brought it with him was only too happy about that...it was weird.... So, thanks for sharing your story on the net...I hope and pray that your life has continued in such blessed and positive directions. God DOES have a plan, and sometimes its hard going getting there...but when you come out on the other side, placing your trust in His will, it is all GOOD! You are better than before, I am sure. God Bless you and those you love.
I have read some of the stories on your web site. I felt I needed to write. My son got married at a young age.They had dated for awhile he was gonna split up then she got pregant. Stayed together for awhile. There was spousal abuse so he finally got out of. Tried to work things out well it did'nt go so good. A second child was born. They filed for divorce 2005. He got mixed up with crystal meth. At the time my husband and just thought he was feeling his freedom doing what he wanted to do. She was letting him see the children then she would say he could see the kids and wouldnt let him. He then started doing some real stupied things He left on a trip Finally got him bk home. He was seeing things,hearing things hiding in his closet and sleeping wouldnt talk to anyone finaaly talked him into getting help right off the bat they admitted him for severe depression.skitophernia,sucidal put him on meds but now that I read more on the meth I beleve it was the meth all this time he cant carry on a conversation, consintrat,enjoy life, eats, sleep. what can I do We have spent so much on getting him help we dont have any left we are on the verge of loosing everything we own It Hurts us so much not knowing how and what we can do to help him Cant hold a job way behind on child support they keep arresting him get him then it all starts all over again at the time of divorce he was making good money but now he cant find a job waiting for them to pick him up again but this time we DONT have the money to get him out its like a little child lost wanting to know what he did wrong please help if you can GOD BLESS.
Hi, I am Shelly. I am 37, NEVER a meth user. Tried pot once and hated it. I have been married to my husband for 15 years and we've been together for 18. The only thing I have ever been addicted to was cigarettes and I dropped them like a hot potato one day, cause I felt like it. I just don't have an addictive personality. Thank you Jesus!
Hi my name is Tammy. I am 38yrs old. My husband Jason is 32yrs old. We both are recovering meth addicts. We had a great marriage until meth. I don't know how we made it thru. We both should be dead. We lost everything. our home, familys and ourselves. The fighting was unbeliveable daily he would drag me around by my hair hit me with whatever he got his hands on, but belive me I dished right back I remember hitting him with baseball bats 2x4's and whateverelse I could get my hands on. We never argued before meth so this was all new to both of us but the dope controlled us. We always said the other one had the problem not me. We both had a problem. It took Jail to wake me up and the thought of losing me to wake him up. I found God and he followed. Everyone has there own recovery but me my self could not have done with out he LOVE of GOD. He is my strength. Who ever needs help on both sides an addict of loved one of an addict put your faith and love in God and he will do the rest. It's still an everyday battle but we have been clean since 7/31/08. I've been on both sides as a mother and a wife and now a recovering addict. Meth is the devil. I never understood how people could walk away from everything until I tried and instantly became an addict. My mom and mother-in-law Prayed for us daily. Don't give up on yourself or your loved one. Good Luck and God Bless!!
I have a 2 year old son that was born to a meth user. He was placed in our home last June by DHR. He came home from the hospital with a foster family because his mother just left him there. Two weeks of severe withdrawals and ceasers, constant crying and no sleep. His intestines are permenantly damaged due to the exposure. When ever he eats it is always a fight because his body has no idea when he is full and he wants to keep eating. He throws up at least three times a day and has at least three or four temper tantrums a day. It breaks my heart to see what his birth mother did to him.
Hi, My story is lifelong...And way too complicated to tell in just one letter. I grew up in a family addicted to drugs & alcohol...and also sold drugs in order for us to survive. i never knew until my teenage years. i guess I thought it was normal for us to live in 3 different houses and always have plenty of money when mommy didnt work and daddy was in prison. And then one day some guy decided to come to our house and rob my mom. The next day I made the decision that i didnt want to live with her anymore and moved in with my grandma. 6 months later my mothers house was raided and she went to prison. She has got out 4 times and is currently back in prison for drugs. I made the decision at a pretty early age that I would never so much as be curious about meth because i was so afraid to end up like my mom. When I was 15 i fell in love with my childhood sweetheart.He was a good guy who also had "issues" with meth. Growing up around it and such. A cpuple years passed. He had a good job that couldve taken him so far in life but one day I got a collect call from him. He was in jail. For drug trafficking. He had been busted in a motel room with 86.6 grams of meth. I was 17 he was 21. Our lives changed forever. he got out, attained an excellent lawyer and ended up beating that case on a technicality. I soon found out he was also manufacturing the drug. He was indicted in 2001, involved with a major tri-state drug ring. just a year after we married and I gave birth to our beautiful babygirl. He is now serving time in a federal prison in hopes to be released sometime in 2015. Since that time, I've been through so many trials and tribulations. And I blame the drug. I to this day have not ever done the drug myself...but this drug is so powerful that it effects EVERYBODY around it. So if you or someone you know is involved with the drug, please take my advice and seek help.
After months at looking at this site over and over and living everyones pain on a daily basis and going through all the same motions as evryone else finally id like to share my story..... In 2006 we moved from a small suburban town in newzealand to australia to help my partner get off the meth(we call it p in nz)after a year we came home and it all started again... My partner is 26 and i am 24 we have been together 5 years now.He has this group of friends hes been mates with since he was five at primary school it was gi joes and skateboards college it was surfing and weed then it turned into pills and dance parties all of which i know is part of life to a degree then it turned into meth and hiding out at peoples places being secretive and lying to everyone in their lives(even themselves)i have never smoked meth in my life and from what ive witnessed i never want to.My partner is the nicest guy you'd ever meet from a loving family great morals he had a great job was excellent with his money and the best loving boyfriend you could ever imagine.sounds cliche but meth really doesnt discriminate It went on for a good six months where hed get high just at the weekends,during the week hed make out like nothing was wrong no one he worked with had a clue nor did his family or even me to begin with...I would return home on a friday and hed never be home he might pop in on a saturday morning as is leaving for work to have a shower and go back out again being up all night (hed usually blame it on pills cause he knew i didnt mind as about those now and again)saturday night hed be tired or hed go back out again sometimes even planning to meet me out in town but never showing up or his phone would be"switched off" or he'd "fall asleep"at someones place,there would always be an excuse that really made sense at the time when i think about it now none of the excuses did really but i loved him and i believed him.Sunday he slept or went out with mates,sunday and monday he was so moody i could never do anything right and everything was my fault,he never visited his "buddies" on these days.He would fly off the handle at anyting,sometimes he would scare me but he has never ever ever been violent towards me but after this repeditive cycle i began to hate myself,lose my confidence and never really left the house(i was never allowed to come out with him)by wednesday he seemed almost normal but by friday it started all again.A few months later he was starting to lose all his passions all his personality like he just couldnt be bothered anymore about anything,his surfing me or anything apart from his mates and going out at the weekends.Some of his mates he stopped seeing and i couldnt work out why(i realise now it was these ones that didnt smoke meth)he never had any time for me anymore or any passion i went on extreme diets to look good for him just so hed notice buy new underwear,cook fancy dinners buy him nice stuff and all sorts,he still didnt notice me id ask him "dont you love me anymore?" and hed say yeah course i do id scream "why dont you show it!".Then he started to look as ugly as he was behaving so i kind of stopped being attracted to him i almost forgot why i had ever loved him so much.His skin started to feel like a crocodiles,his teeth were all yucky and stained he no longer smiled his eyes were sunken,dead and cold his skin was grey with pimples(he never usually gets pimples)he always stunk of body odour aswell i really did know what was going on but i had almost told myself it wasnt true i waited tillhe was asleep every night and checked his phone went through all his things even though i hated what i saw most of the time i couldnt sleep nor could i eat i thought i was going crazy everytime i approached himabout what i had found hed genuinely respond tht i was going mad and have some st of story to cover it but if you cant trust what the person who means most to you in the world says is the truth anymore you end up doubting everyone and everything even yourself.id check his phone and find a text saying "im going to get some stuff,if she asks tell her im at yours" i just about died when i confronted him he admitted it but said it was a one off and not to worry months passed and all the same behaviour was showing it wasnt until i spoke to a mutual good friend of ours who told me everything so i got the guts to leave him of course i gave him the usual ultimatum "its p or me" but this time he was honest as well as the blank stare he gives every time i brung it up he replied "every time i think its going to be different i always think its never going to start again" which i knew was the truth i lef him for two weeks i went to my mums it was the hardest thing i ever did i felt absolutely miserable,every time i saw him he was usually broke or i had to give him money for something he never asked for money but i had to pay for everything in that time like i would have given him my share of the power bills or phone and then find it hadnt been paid etc even though i earned just over half of what he earnt it wasnt until i was looking on the web so cluless as to what to do with myself as i couldnt tell anyone for fear of either of us being judged as it is such a closet topic and noone could help me anyway then i came across kci and found such comfort and strength from reading all the articles even the facts for the first time in months i didnt feel crazy even when i discovered what had really happened to my jewelery that i couldnt find etc(i still feel shocked when i think about that even though the only people we ever had at our house i thought i could trust?)i even just about killed myself when i called up the bank to find hed spent five grand of our savings for a home in our joint account without mentioning it to me he had been taking out withdrawls of hundreds each week i froze that account but when i approached him he went crazy and i realised it was his half too but i died inside knowing that he really had given up on our dream (i know now i wasnt even in his head when he made those decisions and he never told me cause he didnt want to admit it to himself)in those months id never seen him break down and cry or go absolutly crazy or get as angry as he did.But for the first time(after readong kci) i realised how he felt and realised how i wasnt the victim we both were to this horrible disease and "i didnt cause it and i cannot cure it and it wasnt my fault" i approached him with kid gloves told him i didnt judge him hate him that i loved him more than anything,i realised i needed to be the strong one for both of us as much as i wanted to be apart,i told him i wanted to support him but i had to go for both of our sakes my best friend who is a mutual friend to both of us lives in sydney so i booked and paid for two plane fares three weeks apart fro eachother i knew i needed to go and just be me for a while instead of letting this whole ordeal become me.I must admit it was hard in those three weeks apart to not just walk away and it was hard not knowing weather he would even come or not but i want to say maybe not everyone can be saved but i still hope my partner has been.when he stepped off that plane three weeks later he was not a new man still much the same.but living in sydney two months on he is slowly becoming the man i first met i am slowly getting him,he doing things he used to enjoy and helping around the hose and showing affection and not out all weekend.i still hate it when his buddies call and i know theyl be there waiting for him always and get upset that he'l never cut them from his life cause they were there from child hood(dont get me wrong i used to love them too before it came and took them aswell but as a group they are a bad influence on eachother) but i know i can never go home again with him but nor do i want to.he says this time itl be different and this time its forever,i want to believe him but i guess i just will never know yet but im really enjoying having him back all i can say id they have to want to stop themselves not just for you i am very thankful we didnt own a home or have childeren yet(part of me is too scared to until it begins again)it is so hard when you love someone to deal with this it is also amazing that it is exactly the same symptoms as bipolar i realised now i was co dependent the way i felt crazy aswell although he wasnt killing people or being violent with me etc it was still very much a problem its amazing how they only show the worst case scenarios on the telly of what happens in the end on all those new meth ads so many people that use must watch those thinking thats not me im not that bad well weekend use will always lead to more,the weekends will end up starting from thursaday till tuesday then start getting worse whatever feels right in their heads to tell them selves their not addicted.My partner still says he didnt starve for it which i'll never know he never wanted to look at kci and still doesnt want to talk much about it only now and then but he looks so good again and he even cried during a movie which ive not seen him do in ages he even has his sense of humor and wit back im in love all over again i just wanted to say if you stay strong sometimes it can help and you can make a difference just dont give up.Dont get me wrong i stil resent him somedays i get really down about it when i think we could have our own home by now or be more ahead in life or we could get married(which i doubt i will do anytime soon)or look at having a family at some stage these of which things im too scared to do for a while yet thats my story i hope it helps.stay strong people.
So I have been reading the stories on this site for about a year now. So many times I have thought about telling my story. But I wonder if I can remember enough. All I know is when I write it down I want to give creedance to how it really was back then. I want for someone to read my story and really get it and feel it because being on meth is no joke and most people who start don't quit. Because once you start meth will take your soul.
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