and Letters of the Hidden Costs
by Users, Loved Ones, and Parents
| I am a 28 year old mom of two boys, a 2 year old and a 3 month old. My husband of 4 years had a previous history of meth abuse. It happened before we started dating. He had told me his whole story, about the meth abuse and his run ins with the law. When we met he had gotten his life together and had the same goals as I had. Never being around drugs or anyone who abused them I had no idea that one day he might relapse. His behavior began to change drastically around the time I was to give birth to our second child. He began staying up till all hours of the night, leaving myself and our 2 year old son at home by ourselves. After our second son was born my husband had absolutely nothing to do with our new child. He was an extremely could father and very involved with our first child and I couldn't figure out why he was so distant with our new child. He didn't spend any time with the family and I was left to take care of our 2 children. I talked him into going to marriage counseling because I knew we were having problems and I thought it was my fault. I kept telling my husband that I was going to take the kids and move out because I didn't even feel like we were married anymore. Counseling wasn't working, he would say all the right things but the minute we left everything went back to the way it was. I finally decided to move out of our home with the kids. That day he told me he was abusing meth. By this point I wasn't suprised because I had a feeling he was on drugs because of his aggressive behavior change. I explained to him that I couldn't let my two small children be exposed to that lifestyle and if anything were to happen with the law, my boys could be taken from me and I wasn't going to chance it. I had some contact with him within 2 weeks after I moved and he always made it my fault. I chose to leave and not stay by him, even though I offered to get him help and even gave him info for a rehab program. In his eyes it will always be my fault. He has had no contact with his children at his on choice. My husband grew up without a father and always said he would never do that to his children. But he has done just that. I know that what I have done is the best thing not only for myself but my children. I never thought I would be getting divorced and starting my life over at this point. My husband changed from a caring, loving husband and father to a person I don't even know. If you are in a situation similar to mine please think what's best for yourself and your kids. It's hard but in the end it will be the best decision to make. You can't make someone get help if they don't want it.
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I have recently just got off a 2 day binge and I'm in the process of the typical withdrawals. Now, I haven't done it in 4 months before a few days ago. The truth is...the pain, depression, anxiety, lack of self-worth, anti-social, money, job, family, and health all take a big blow with that little powder..and in some cases taken away all together as many of us know. Like I said I haven't done it in a while until a few days ago, but that don't make me in any better shape...I have a highly addictive personality. But, before then I was doing it every other weekend for 2 months. But my point for anyone reading this is the list of problems I listed above FAR OUTWEIGH the initial buzz. You are just chasing that, and the stupid thoughts that go thru your head are just ridiculous. When you are on Meth, you are basically schizophrenic. For instance, I'm afraid to go outside right now or leave my damn room cause of all the hallucinations that are in the corner of my eyes, the "shadow people" as alot of people call that. Alot of fun huh??
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