KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Losing my Mom to Meth

crying daughter	Losing my Mom to Meth My 43 year old mom is using meth. I am lost and confused. I am in search of advice, answers, a solution, a prayer... anything. I came home for Christmas break from college and almost instantly found the meth in her room. Since my parants have been divorced, she started to hang out with a motorcycle club called the Scorpions. I knew they were bad news the moment I met them. However, she has been sucked into their lifestyle. She defends them more than her own family. Anytime I say anything about them not being such great influences she gets very defensive. She has even threatened to never speak to me again, her only child. I know she has a mind of her own. However, I know that these people have huge influences on her life and she has changed into someone I do not know anymore since she has met them. Now she is using meth. I think it has been going on for some time. I remember finding rolled up dollar bills about a year ago when I was visiting. However, I denied it and assumed it was her friends. Now I am sure she is using. She goes out and stays out until the next day with these people. She tells me that she stays up all night. I have caught her in her bathroom on CHristmas Eve at 4:00 in the morning. There are small mirrors with residue all over them all over our house. I have found the actual meth three times now within a week. She disappeared last night for several hours. I know she was almost out so I am sure she went to pick up more. She doesnt eat, stays up all night, is emotional,has horrible mood swings, and money is disappearing. She has lost so much weight I feel like I am watching her die. I spoke to someone last night on a hotline. He said that there is nothing I can do. Since I live 6 hours a way it is out of my hands. He said that I can give her my love and tell her I am here fore her if she need me but that is it. He says it is her life and I have no say. Is this true? I cant stand by and support this. She is killing herself. I want to tell her that she will never see me or any of her family again if she doesnt stop. Is that the wrong approach? My mom is a single mother that has struggled her entire life. I know she will become defensive and in denial when I confront her. I am also scared she doesnt even care what this drug does to her becasue she thinks she has nothing to live for. She is divorced and her last two boyfriends were killed in seperate car accidents within three years. I am grown and away at college and her only child. She has had a rough past few years... and life. What if she wants this drug to kill her? It makes me sick. Everytime I look at her I only wonder if she is high... or how high. I cant sleep at night because I am scared she is in her bathroom using. I have been praying myself to sleep for God to help her but I am scared it is too late. Please help me. Please tell me your point of view. Give me advice. Atleast pray for my mom. I am watching my mom kill herself with meth.
Replies...
Rancid One	Re: Losing my Mom to Meth I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My name is Matt, I'm an addict with 20 days clean. My mother has an active addiction and is still using. I don't completely agree with the point of view that there is nothing you can do. Let it be known to your mother that you want to help her. Let it be known to your mother that you know about her addiction. Let it be known to her that you do not accept it, you do not agree with it, and you will not enable her addiction in any way. And stick to it. But when she comes crying for help. Open your arms and help her. She will hopefully one day get sick of the problems that meth is undoubtedly going to cause her. That is when she can make the decision to quit. My mom no longer talks to any of her family because when she cried out for help they turned their backs on her in her moment of need. Because they didn't like her husband and they didn't like her drug use. There is nothing more detrimental to recovery than crying out for help, having a true desire to quit.. and everyone turns their back on you. Print out stories you read here and give them to her. She might read them some day when she's feeling shitty. Fill her with as much education on meth as you can. I have printed out many studies on meth and given them to my mother. She has learned a lot and I hope she is closer to being able to take the right steps. Even if you don't think she is reading the information that you give her. Or if you don't think she is listening. Don't stop providing her with more information. When she is laying there coming down off the dope. Feeling like @#%$. Most tweakers have a very small moment of clarity before they go to find their next bag. This is the key moment that she might pick up that paper and read. Make sure it is accessable to her. My heart is truely with you, My situation is very similar to yours and I know how horrible it can make you feel.
TnSkye	Re: Losing my Mom to Meth Hi daughter, Sorry that circumstances brought you here, but you found an excellent place to learn and get support for yourself. No, you cannot do or say anything that will make her want to quit using. Meth has control now, not mom. But, as Matt said, you could print materials from here and share with her. For YOU, keep reading and learning. Don't give yourself to this addiction as well. You are the child, you are in school, you have your own life to live. Be there to listen when she asks for support but don't give her disease your every waking thought. You can drive yourself to insanity if you allow it. You may find Alanon meetings helpful, even CoDA. And what is the group....Adult Children of Alcoholics....something like that.... You need to know that this wasn't your fault and is in no way a reflection of how your mother feels about you. This started as your mom's way of dealing with other, deeper problems. Now it's a disease.
imlost inky	Re: Losing my Mom to Meth Listen to Matt, he is living it - good advice there Matt. Daughter, I am sorry you are going through this. I truly am. I agree with Matt 100% - and I'd write her a letter , telling her how I feel, how you love her, how much she has done for you, how much she means to you - and hope for that moment of clarity when she gets it. You don't know which of your words will be what hits home- or when they hit home, but as long as you come to her out of love, she will hear you . It may take time, but she will hear. Read all you can- you certainly have found an excellent place for support. And yes, you are most likely right on the pain part with so many ones she has loved and still loves having died. Try compassion and reason and love. I'm sorry for the reason you are here- but glad you found us.
Nyte Passion	Re: Losing my Mom to Meth Cryingdaughter, I'm sorry you are hurting ... and I'm sorry to hear that your mom has a meth problem ... Meth is a terrible drug and it does not discriminate ... It imprisons mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles ... black, white, brown, yellow, bi, straight or gay of all ages ... It's victims don't even know what their in for when they take that first step and try meth. It is devastating to find out your loved one is on meth and unfortunately our love for them isn't enough to pull them from the pit ... No one gets out - until and unless they make the choice. The best advise I can give you is to stick around here and read, educate yourself, learn all about meth and what it does to a person and that will help you understand what it is doing to your mom other than the obvious ... Learn what to do and what not to do ... read read read. Knowledge is power. There is a lot of knowledge on this forum. Your in good hands ... Keep comin' back ... with the help of these wonderful people on this board ... you will find the guidance that you need to keep your sanity in this very painful and difficult time.