Time4
Change |
Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
My husband is a meth addict. I
think he's probably a functional/maintenance user. He's seen a
psyche twice but IMO he's only doing it to get everyone off his
back. Yes I think he's still using even though he's on med from
the psyche.. that is IF he's really taking the med.
We are starting final divorce proceedings. He had supervised
visitations in the temp. Of course he's mad at me and doesn't
think he should have SV. I'm an overprotective mother by nature
but I'm trying to do what's right and be objective. My
intentions are not to keep these children from their father.
He's never done anything to intentionally hurt the children.
unless you count the drug use, lies, gambling debt type stuff. I
really don't want to fight about this stuff. I've accepted who
he is and who he's IMO going to continue being. I just want us
both to be happy. for me that mean not having to fight this
anymore and IMO for him it means not having me/family on his
back so he can do what he wants to do.
I am considering dropping SV and just cutting a verbal agreement
with him. that I'll let him take the kids whenever. IF he isn't
high and IF he promises me that if high or can't handle them or
in a crash (too tired) that he leaves them with me. I don't want
to have the standard visitation and have him take them every
other week just because it's his week. I only want him to take
them when he's responsible enough to do so.
What do you think. should I or should I not? |
Replies... |
scared
mom |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
Do you think that if he is high
he is going to be responsible enough to call and say "I am high
so i am not going to take the kids today" or will he think to
himself that he is still fine to take the kids and that it is
not your business if he is high?
Personally... If i were in that situation i would stick with the
SV.
Good luck with a tough situation, |
Sfj |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
This could cause huge
controversy, and isn't even part of your post or question, but
please consider this:
If a person has been a regular user of meth for a long time, his
body has adapted and adjusted to it. His chemical structure is
such that he needs it to be normal.
When he doesn't take it, then you have to worry, that's when the
extreme behavior, violence, and many other terrible things
occur. |
chris
gonz |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
I would stick with the SV too.
I NEVER let anybody take my kids, even if they were clean but
had a habit of talking shyte about me or their dad.
My kids' OUTCOME came first. Even dad had to go by certain
"rules" to spend time with the kids.
|
jacks
mom |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
"He's never done anything to
intentionally hurt the children. unless you count the drug use,
lies, gambling debt type stuff."
How could you NOT count this as hurt?
Please! This is a family issue here! |
Loraura |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
Quote:
I am considering dropping SV and just
cutting a verbal agreement with him. that I'll let him take
the kids whenever. IF he isn't high and IF he promises me
that if high or can't handle them or in a crash (too tired)
that he leaves them with me. I don't want to have the
standard visitation and have him take them every other week
just because it's his week. I only want him to take them
when he's responsible enough to do so.
What do you think. should I or should I not?
I would not consider dropping it, and here's why:
Verbal agreements are impossible to inforce and put YOU ina
position to make the decisions if he takes the kids or not,
which makes YOU the one he will argue with, call names, fight
with about it.
You don't want that in your life.
You can NOT count on a meth addict to assess himself accurately
to know if he's too tired or too high to have the kids.
Even if he did assess himself accurately, you can not enforce
that he use common sence to make a good decision about skipping
his visitation with the kids.
He is not in a place in his life right now to make those
decisions.
YOU should not ever be in a place to have to make those
decisions for him, and enforce them when he disagrees.
Keep the supervised visitation and tell him that he can go back
to court and change that whenever he feels he's ready to stay
clean and prove to a judge that he no longer needs someone else
making sure his decisions are in the best interest of the
children. Tell him you hope this comes soon as you'd love to not
have to worry about it anymore.
But you CAN remove the fighting over it. You remove that by
putting the decisions making on someone else. Not you, and not
him. He has the absolute power to change that. Let him have that
power. |
never
ending |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
not only what everyone else
said, but if you have these temporary orders thru the court
system, and you start to make your own rules, it will not sit
well w/the judge, nor will your children continue to be legally
protected as they are now. You change the rules, the husband
says in court "but your honor, quack quack quack, and she's been
letting me have them unsupervised, etc etc etc", and you may not
like what the results will be.
YOU are the sober parent. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure
that they are safe and protected to the fullest extent, and that
includes the help of the law.
He needs to PROVE that he is getting his shyt together and that
he can be with the children without you having to worry about
it. You shouldn't have to worry "is he high? is he not? can I
let my kids go w/him?" Make him prove it with the help of the
system. Good luck. |
TnSkye |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
My daughter is almost 11. I
would never allow her dad to take her anywhere alone.
He would take her to get drugs. Or Who would he leave her with
to go get drugs? Alone? What would THOSE people do to her?
He would forget her and leave her somewhere. He drives like a
maniac in a convertible.
He leaves out drugs and paraphernalia.
He leaves out porn and adult toys.
He doesn't watch his language and neither does anyone he hangs
with.
As SFJ said, if he can't get his drug, there's just too much
that could happen.
You aren't keeping your kids away from their father. You are
protecting them.
My daughter's dad is allowed to come here anytime he wants to
and see her. As time goes on, he comes less and less as his drug
life becomes more and more important.
You may see the same in your supervised visits. |
danimal
55 |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
My absolute worst driving was
done on meth, and I drank steady for an 8 yr. period. I was a
road hazard from hell under the influence of meth combined with
days of no sleep.
The crash cycle is the worst, we can't even hold our chin up, but
we WILL get in the car to go hook up.
I agree with the others. |
Loraura |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
Think of it this way:
You are in charge of your children.
You are not in charge of your ex-husband.
If your ex-husband is not adequately in charge of himself, then
SOMEONE ELSE must do it for him. You do not want to be that
person.
You do not want that responsibility, you will not be able to
enforce that responsibility, and taking it on is a recipe for
conflict.
Do not think of yourself as the one who is "making him" use
supervised visitation.
He has 100% control of his own actions and he has the ability to
put a stop to that any time he wants.
He wants to put a stop to it the easy way -- manipulate you into
LETTING him have what he wants, instead of changing his actions
to EARN what he wants.
If he pulls the oh pity me shyt out -- remind him that "It's no
problem honey! Just be a responsible law-abiding adult and it
will be absolutely no problem for you to get them to change the
visitation arrangements." |
Time4
Change |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
See I knew you guys/gals were
good for me!
I knew the answer before I even posted the question but just
need to see and hear it.
I think the enabler in me... always trying to fix it for
everyone including him just hasn't died yet.
Unfortunately I'm at the mercy of the court. I'm not sure how
they'll perceive his visits to the psyche... he's never been
caught for this.. it's just my evidence against his. And I'm
hoping it's enough.
If I have to let them go I'll have to find a way to deal with it
and move on. By going that far he will be mad enough that if he
gets regular visitations ... he'll take them every other weekend
and 3 weeks in the summer just out of spite and won't bring them
back no matter what state he's in.
I know allowing him to get out of the SV is just enabling him
more. so thanks for all the feedback.. you helped me keep my
head on straight!
Lauraura...
He is exactly doing what you said... Oh pity me... I'm not going
to be around so you won't have to worry... yada yada...
I so fall for the
manipulate me into LETTING him have what he wants, instead of
changing his actions to EARN what he wants.
Problem is he thinks he is doing what he needs to be a
responsible law-abiding adult.. because he went to those 2
visits.
In fact he's mad saying that he wasted money on those visits
because I'm still going through with the divorce... my thought
was obviously he's just doing it to get everyone off his back..
he wouldn't concider it wasted money if he was serious about his
recovery. |
blue
angel40 |
Re: Meth husband, supervised visits with children?
I agree with the others and also
your kids deserve to have their dad be either not high when with
them and not feeling ready to crash. If he cant understand that
then it would be my way or no way because above all its the kids
happiness and well being that should matter more than the
conditions concerning his spending time with them. Keep it
supervised visits and tell him to get over himself for once and
put them first. Blueangel |
