How do you know if a meth user is telling the Truth?

This a something I wrote some time ago but I decided not to post it. I was a bit of a coward thinking that people will make wrong assumptions and attack me. I saved it on my computer and the thoughts have been gnawing away at me.

“What are you afraid of?” If anyone attacks you it is because the truth hurts.
I am hoping that the innocent will remain as such and that those who need help with basic honesty will get it. This post is not aimed at anyone, but it is meant for all of us – me included. I spent yesterday evening with a friend who is a regular at “Meth madness” (Skye’s site) and we agreed that the same thing happens on many websites like this. I felt a bit braver and more encouraged to enter an area that would generate misunderstanding, but I decided it is worth it if some people can be spared the pain of unwarranted falsehoods.

Sometimes it is very easy to trust people. It is even easy to be gullible. We can even be naïve and we can be duped into trusting people we don’t know. There are countless stories about how a wife or husband trusted the other, parents trusted the kids and vice versa. Girlfriend boyfriend infidelity, dishonesty and so on.

It seems very common that we assume that anyone who posts here is being honest forthright and candid. Do you really think they are? Are we practicing a misplaced trust? I don’t know. Just because someone comes to this forum doesn’t mean they are automatically trustworthy does it? If none of you knew me in person, and I came complaining about my wife, how would you know I was telling the truth. Isn’t there two sides? Unless you talked to my wife, how would you know her side of the story? How easy it would be for me to convince you of a bunch of lies. Then you would leave your computer saying, “That poor man, Sfj, I feel so sorry for him.” When in truth I could be a total jerk seeking your sympathy on the internet.

I remember as a teacher, we often had to consider that the tattle-tale may be causing the problem and that he tattles just to get the other person in trouble and to deflect the blame from himself.

Have you ever wondered about kids who come in here and complain about the parents?
Or have you wondered about the parents who complain about the kids?
We only see one side of it here. The side we see is the one they want us to see when in reality, it may be much worse going the other way?

Our natural inclination is to believe the first report. That may not be the best plan. When meth is involved, of course it is much easier to believe.

Is it really prudent to trust someone who has not done anything to earn that trust? Yes, if it is a matter of benefit of the doubt, but how much further should we trust people we don’t know? Do you think that everyone who comes here is of such sterling character and honesty? I wonder? Do you think that meth addicts are the only people who lie, deceive and manipulate? What would you do if you only knew one side of the story? Do you believe everything someone says, just because they come to this website?

Third party tales are even worse: “He said that she said, that they said that I said, when really I said what they said she said” (tongue in cheek)

I've had the same thoughts....

thanks for posting.

I had to laugh when I read your post. This has been an issue for me and my husband. His side, her side, the truth (reality).

I guess when anyone is talking or sharing it is from their point of view, how they see it, how the situation made them feel.

So I believe their are always three sides to a situation The person stating it, The person it occured with and the reality or truth.

What am I losing by trusting?

Nothing.

What would anyone gain by lying?

Nothing.

Until that changes,I will stay trusting and answer to the best of my ability.

Interesting post, Sfj. And I understand your questions completely.

Unfortunately, meth does ravage lives, so when someone posts here who appears to be in the throes of meth addiction, or struggling with a loved one's addiction, I feel that I have to take what they say at face value, then sort out the details later.

Addict to addict, I can pretty much tell if I'm being bullshitted after awhile, because I've been there, done that.

As far as the loved ones of addicts, I have no reason to not believe them, and I cannot turn from someone asking or looking for help when it comes to meth.

I simply cannot. I must give them the benefit of the doubt and move forward from there.

I'll be the first to admit it, when I first came here, I was not totally honest. Not that I was intentionally lying, but I was telling the truth as I saw it then. As time went on and I learned more about myself, the more I was able to be honest. I was here almost a year before I admitted I was an alcoholic and pot smoker.

I do assume that most come here seeking help. To assume that the other person is telling the truth is the only way to help them. That's just me.

I have read posts and wondered about it being the truth or the whole truth, because, as I said, I lied myself and sometimes similar stories tend to ring untrue to me. But I could never ignore anyone who I can't prove is lying. I have to assume that they are here telling the truth 'as they see it.'

I've often thought that too, but like Theresa I will believe until otherwise proven wrong. If we chose to not believe everyone than what would happen? Life is hard enough without trust, why do we have to find everything wrong, why can't we look for the good in people and maybe we won't find it but I can't believe that so many people come here to play games. Bobbie

clean
sober

a way to know when they are lieing is their mouths are moving.

Hi cleansober....are you being facetious?

Anyway, I can't see anyone's mouth on this board!!

There are three sides to every story:
His
Hers
And the truth.

When trying to decide if a person is telling the truth consider this: What does that person stand to gain by lying, and what do they stand to lose by telling the truth? It is all about the motivations behind the words sometimes.

Good post. Even though I re-stated what was already said, I feel it is noteworthy.

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If none of you knew me in person, and I came complaining about my wife, how would you know I was telling the truth. Isn’t there two sides?

I wouldn't know if you were telling the truth. I would take your word for it. However, I would ask questions to find out more about your side. And probally ask about her side too. That's just me though.

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Do you really think they are?

For the most part. There have been times that I have doubted certain things that people have said but, I take what I can and leave the rest.

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Just because someone comes to this forum doesn’t mean they are automatically trustworthy does it?

No, it is just like every place else you go. Not every person that you meet is going to be trust worthy.
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Have you ever wondered about kids who come in here and complain about the parents?

YES.
Quote:

have you wondered about the parents who complain about the kids?

YES. But, mine aren't grown yet so what place is it of mine to say anything to them about the way they treat thier children?

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Do you think that meth addicts are the only people who lie, deceive and manipulate?

yeah right.
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Do you believe everything someone says, just because they come to this website?

No.

Quote:

What would you do if you only knew one side of the story?

Most of the time that is really all we do know here is one side of the story. Sometimes though you can kind of tell how the relationship is from the other side when they start posting I said this and they responded with this... Just my opinion.

I generally trust people until they give me a reason not to though. That's just me.