ruined
bymeth |
Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
For those
of you who left your addicts how long and how did you move on with your
life? Did you quit dealing with them completely? Do you have any
suggestions to help make the pain a less. I've been separated with my
husband for 6 mos. now, we were together for 9 yrs and have a 5 yr. old
together. Even though we have been separated we still haven't stopped
seeing each other and the roller coaster ride hasn't stopped. I no I
shouldn't see him but it's so hard especially when he tells me all the
lies that I want to believe and when I see glimpses of the old him. I
love my husband with all my heart and soul he used to be a wonderful man
and father but is no more. I have already filed for divorce but I can't
stop missing him and the life we used to have. Sometimes I get so
depressed I struggle getting through the days and nights. I can never go
back with him the old him is gone but when do I start feeing better and
how? He came last night telling me about how he wanted to come home and
work things out I told him I needed him to show me that words were
nothing. Well he made all these promises that I wanted to believe. When
he was asleep I looked at the texts on his phone I never do this but I
wanted to know if he was serious about what he said, well I found quite
a few from him and his druggy girlfriends along with texts about meth
sales. Well in the morning he started taking about getting back together
so I confronted him. He beat me up in front of our son. I wanted badly
to call the PD but we live in a small town and they put the police
reports in the newspaper and I don't want that embarrasment, so I just
called his mom and he finally left. Now my poor son is tramatized, I'm
bruised up. I'm going to stick with what I have to do and get my divorce
and move on the best way I can but I just need some words of
encouragement and advice. I just fell so down right now. I'm going to
stay with a friend tonight so we'll be ok safety wise it's just healing
the heart that I need help with. It's so crazy to me how someone can go
from being a good husband and father to being a mean cold hearted @#%$.
Throughout the fight he kept saying look at what your doing to our son
you won't let me see him I want to here but look at the way you act.
It's crazy that the last thing he'll do is look in the mirror and put
the blame where it belongs. Also, for those of you that have left did
your addicts ever wake up and take responsiblilty for there own actions?
Sorry to make this so long I'm just feeling alot of emotions right now. |
Replies... |
TnSkye
|
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Time will heal a broken heart. If you work on healing yourself you will
come to realize that you are worth so much more. Being alone is better
than being beaten, especially in front of your child.
If you keep seeing this man, the abuse will continue and worsen. Your
son will grow up to abuse women as well if you don't take a stand and
show him that it is unacceptable behavior. |
Crystal
Clear |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
is to know that things WILL get better. Look how long
it took to get this bad, and to expect things to turn around quickly may
be unrealistic. My situation is different than yours, no children.
I just had to get off the roller-coaster. He never did admit to his
Meth. use, but the only person who he is fooling is HIM.
It took some time, but I did regain respect for myself knowing that I
would never "settle" for a life that included active drug addiction. I
would never knowingly subject myself, or a child to this negativity.
Life is too wonderful and as I get older I realize that there is less of
it to waste. It gets mighty precious.
You didn't break it, and you can't fix it.
If you must be in contact, set boundries, and don't back down. Take care
of YOU and your children, and let the rest go. YOU CAN'T FIX IT!
Make YOUR life work.
All the best ... |
Was
Tweaked |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
So
sorry you are dealing with this!
I was with me ex husband for over 17 years, no kids. He was the most
warm, generous & caring man I had ever known...UNTIL METH!! I am no
innocent, I used with him for years recreationally. When it began to
take over his life & we wanted to stop I did & he did not. He sold my
jewelry, gave away my clothes & tried to strangle me. The final straw
was when he had left the state & told his buddy he was on his way to AZ
to "put a bullet in her head". He was caught 1/2 way to AZ & was jailed
for 6 traffic offenses. I believe that is what saved my life. Seeing my
best friend/lover/husband turn into a monster was enough. I filed for
divorce in 03, finalized in 03. I am now with a great guy that has
beaten his herion addiction years back. He knows the druggie life & as
we say, we pulled ourselves out of the gutter.
I never thought I would get over the ex, but I have. I still love the
man he was, he will never be that person again.
He is a homeless user. Hope he gets his life together someday but no
regrets on getting my life in order. LIFE IS FANTASTIC NOW :-)
If he beat you in front of your child I think you know YOU NEED TO LEAVE
HIM NOW!!! YOU CAN DO THIS FOR YOU & YOUR CHILD! |
angie
Ncali
|
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I didnt read the entire post. I got as far as ... I
can't help but missing him and the man he used to be ... something along
those lines.
I just want to say ... of course you can't. you spent many many years
with him. You married him ... and when you married him ... this wasn't
in the plans. This wasn't part of the deal. This isnt who he was.....
You got ripped off .... and it is hard hard Fking hard to accept that
and move on. It hurts. It pisses you off. It is confusing and totally
unfair. You may miss that man for a LONG LONG time. All you can do ...
is do the best you can each day to make the most healthy choices you can
for the time being ... for you and your child. Each day though it may
not feel like it ... will get a little easier then the day before ...
and some will feel Harder ... but they will help make things easier in
the long run ... which is strange to say because not a DAMN thing about
any of this is easier ... it is just a LONG PAINFUL CONFUSING
Process/nightmare.
I just wanted you to know ... you don't have to feel bad or blame
yourself for missing him ... or loving him .. or wanting for him to
return to who he was.
If you didnt ... something would be wrong.
I am terribly sorry you are having to go through this.
Welcome to the board .... we will be here for you. |
Aunt
Nell |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Ruined,
I left my alcoholic (not an addict) 25 years ago. I had a litle one (3
y.o.) that saw us arguing. I knew I couldn't live that way. It was
fairly easy for me to leave him. But the sadness was overwhelming for me
at times. We'd been married 10 years and had been together for 13 years
(high-school sweethearts - yuk!). Also, he was having an affair, so when
I left and filed for divorce - I was alone and HE WASN'T - which hurt
even more. It took me quite a long time - years actually. I was very
very sad at first, and within a year it got easier. For about 5 years
though, if I drove past where we got married, or a place where we'd gone
on a date or something like that, it would trigger me - and I'd
sometimes cry. I NEVER regretted the divorce as I knew I did not want to
live with an alcoholic. But I was sad over the destruction of our
marriage and I missed the man he'd been and the good times we'd had.
One thing that will help you, is to not see him anymore. If you want him
to see your child, arrange for someone else (such as his mom or someone
else) to be the person. He hooks you with his words and then hurts you.
If you don't see him or talk to him, you destroy his ability to hook
you.
One thing that helped me way back then, is I began to love myself and
take care of myself. I didn't have much money, but I treated me to
things that I avoided when we were married. It helped alot when I let
myself do something that he didn't like for me to do. I did some of the
things you always hear about - new hairstyle, clothes, etc. But, I also,
did other things...I saved my money and took trips (my husband HATED to
travel). I bonded with girlfriends who were also divorced. We had a
great time and 25 years later, I can still laugh at some of the antics
we pulled.
Of coarse you are hurting today. I'm sorry he abused you. And I'm so
very sorry that you are hurting. For the next few days...sleep as much
as you can. Rest will be so vitally important for your emotional
wellbeing. Also, eat well! Forget diets. Eat the foods that comfort you
- WHATEVER it is - and don't feel guilty - enjoy!. You can get back to
eating healthy when things are better for you. Let others do for you, if
they offer. You will be able to do for them another time. If you have
someone that you trust to take care of your child, have some alone time
- to cry - or have fun - or whatever.
You will come through this and THE PAIN DOES GO AWAY. Today, I am
married to the most wonderful man. He has never had any addictions to
drugs or alcohol. He treats with utmost respect. We've been together 15
years. He's NEVER once raised his voice to me. There are good men out
there who know how to treat a lady. Was it worth the pain of my divorce
to finally end up with my husband that I have today? YOU BETCHA! Would I
do the same thing again under the same circumstances? YOU BETCHA - pain
and all!
Thinking of you, |
wyld
angel |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Try not
to look it as you are not going to be with him forever. Take it one day
at a time, even one hour or minute at a time without him.
The thought of never being with him forever is frightening, but the
thought of not being with him just today is much easier to deal with.
There comes a certain point where you know what it will take to stay or
leave for good. Set your boundries and stick to your guns. Most people
only know what they DON'T want from their relationship but never take
the time to identify what they actually want. Figure out what you want
and know that you can have that. It may not be now, and it may not be
with him, but someday you will have a life of happiness that you
deserve. |
angie
Ncali
|
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Man that is what I get for not reading all the way
through ....... well I still stand by what I said.
stay away from him. Cut all contact. I know that it will be hard. A man
who will do this in front of his own child is obviously Not SAFE. And
one thing I can Gurantee you is that until he gets some serious HELP
.... TREATMENT ...
IT WILL GET WORSE AND WORSE AND WORSE. Right now he is LOOSING all
control .... things are unraveling around him ... your confronting him
about his SECRET LIFE ... the one he doesnt want you to know about
because this will reveal that side of him .. he wants to manipulate
people isnt real. And being under the influence and having a mind that
is so altered even when he isnt high ... is VERY dangerous combination.
Be CAREFUL.
I have ALOT of experience as do many of us here with men like this and
in this situations.
He isnt that man you fell in love with right now.
I am so sorry. |
DSALO1 |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Have
you told your child yet to look both ways before he crosses the street
so he won't get paralyzed for life or killed?
Or do you take your child for a stroll thru heavy traffic with false
promise that neither of you will get hit by a diesel truck?
Are you more powerful than a diesel truck?
Meth is effects our rational thinking even if we are not the user. |
no more
mething
around |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
ok. now
I can reply. Sorry, just didn't want to type a long answer and it not
work like earlier this a.m. Please do not put yourself or your child
thru any more scenes like that !!You are already out the door. Don't let
him back in. He will use you for money, a crash and burn spot, a piece
of ass and whatever else you are willing to give him. Domestic abuse
lasts a lifetime for the kids who have to watch it. My siblings and I
put up with watching that shyt our whole lives. My brother beats on his
girlfriend now, has no respect for women . My highschool boyfriend beat
on me until he finally broke my back. I spent my senior year of
highscool in a body cast enduring painful surgeries and treatments while
he went off to college and moved on to the next girl. I lost all respect
for my parents for making me run out the door in the middle of the night
to call the cops after hiding my younger siblings under beds.This
happened more times than I care to count and I still re them all
and I am 40 years old.It didn't just happen between my own parents but
in the subsequent boyfriends and step parents that followed. Then they
would make me go to school the next day and I was supposed to act
normal!! They would stay home from work and make-up and when we got home
from school we all just pretended the whole thing never happened. Until
the next time,anyway.My heart breaks for you but for your child's sake
if not your own , don't let him back in. Your child will become an
abuser or be on the recieving end. Concentrate on YOU - at least give
your child one strong sane parent to trust and count on. Do not make
your child become your caretaker because that is what will happen. It is
SELFISH and not fair for your child not to feel safe. CONCENTRATE ON
YOU!!! This man does not belong to you anymore. He belongs to the
addiction. |
wyld
angel |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
If you are feeling insecure, imagine how your child is feeling.
Quote:
It is SELFISH and not fair for your child not to
feel safe.
I once heard a quote that has stuck with me ever since. It was:
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of all children.
It is your responsibility to nurture and protect your child and give
them the opportunity to have the best possible life that they can have.
Your child knows more than you think and needs to know that you are the
one that is going to care for him no matter what. |
blinded
for2years |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I know
exactly how you feel!!!! I was with my meth addicted man for 10 years
until 2 months ago. I haven't felt better. It took me 2 years with him
moving out 3 times to realize I'm better off. When he first left we
still continued seeing each other, this was in 07/04. The second time in
04/05, we went almost 2 months without talking and then started up
again. During this whole time he was still using, just better at
covering it up. This drug has turned him into a psycho. He also was very
abusive, physically and verbally while high on meth. He made me feel
degrated, I felt like I had no self worth, no self esteem and no
strength. I have always said I would rather have a broken heart than a
broken spirit. This man has planned my murder several times and told me
how he was going to do it. He quit using for 7 weeks and then started
again and then the "user" came out in full force. I couldn't take it
anymore. It is hard and I do miss the Old person he use to be. But I
realize he's gone as long as he uses meth. My boys also saw my addict
abuse me and also after coming down from being up for several days try
and commit suicide. I only hope and pray that boys won't suffer in the
long run for my stupidity.
You can leave this man and do better. I know it doesn't feel like that
now but everyday it will get better. I'm not sure if this is good or
not, but I remind myself of the hell that I went through and thank God I
am where I am, FREE of meth hell! You will feel like that too. Just keep
coming here, it has helped me so, so much. |
DSALO1 |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
" AFTER BEING MARRIED SEVERAL YEARS..THE MAN SHE CAME TO DEPEND
ON...TURNED TO METH...UPS N DOWNS CONTINUED..TILL ONE DAY HE FORCED
THEIR CHILD TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM." He presently lives in a hotel with
user woman. |
Rachel
sue76 |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Lsat
night....
Quote:
He came last night telling me about how he wanted
to come home and work things out I told him I needed him to show me
that words were nothing. Well he made all these promises that I
wanted to believe
This morning....
Quote:
Well in the morning he started taking about
getting back together so I confronted him. He beat me up in front of
our son
You told him what you needed from him, he told you what you wanted to
hear. Then when the time came for him to follow through with his
actions, he spoke loud and clear. He beat you up. Not only did he beat
you up but he did it in front of your son. A memory forever burned into
that young mind of how a man treats a woman when he is angry with her. I
am in no way saying that you are responsible. But, if you continue to
stay and be treated like that your son will continue to think that this
is acceptacle behavior.
Quote:
Throughout the fight he kept saying look at what
your doing to our son you won't let me see him I want to here but
look at the way you act.
Just how the hell were you supposed to act while he is kicking your
ass???? Were you supposed to thank him??? Were you supposed to tell him
yes, you are right, I am the one with the problem here???
I am sorry but, that would be the end of feelings for me. I would get
that divorce and never look back. I know you love him but, he is not
doing anything positive for you or your son. How sad it would be 20
years from now to have your daughter in law say the same thing to you
about your son.
Quote:
I wanted badly to call the PD but we live in a
small town and they put the police reports in the newspaper and I
don't want that embarrasment,
No offence, but what do you have to be embarassed about? He is the one
in the wrong. His actions were unacceptable.
JMHO. |
TnSkye
|
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
True
Rachel. Better to read his name in the arrests for the week than to read
her name in the obituaries.
Save your own face, not his. |
ruined
bymeth |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Thank you all for
your encouraging words. I just got back home I took my son to school he
goes to half day afternoon kindergarten so that means baby sitter in the
morning and afternoon. I would normally be at work today but I stayed
home sick boy do I wish I would have went. My arms and face are have
bruises but they are nothing compared to the bruises I feel inside. I
feel so bad for my son. My dad was an alcoholic and beat my mom on a
regular basis sometimes he would beat her so bad I thought she might
die. I can't bring myself to tell her about what I'm going through with
my husband, I just feel so bad that I became her and my son is seeing
what I saw as a child. I no that I have to use this as my strength to
move on. It's crazy my father was abusive and a drunk and my
father-in-law was into meth, coke, and alcohol. Me and my husband used
to be the normal ones in the family, in 9 yrs he never laid a hand on my
until recently. We fought for so many years to raise our son right and
we never wanted him to grow up like us and in the end we exposed him to
the awful life that both of grew up in. But I've been doing my best to
raise my son right on my own. We go to church, go see my friends who
have kids. I take my son regularly to see my in-laws he's crazy about my
father in-law he quit drugs years ago and is crazy about my son. I'm
going to try to take my son to counciling once I can get him on my
medical insurance. My son used to have insurance through my husband but
he lost it when his dad lost his job of 7 1/2 years about 4 1/2 months
ago. It sucks I can't add him on my until open enrollment in Oct. and
don't qualify for help through the state. I think I might try to go to
counciling myself. My ex just makes me so sick I've been raising our son
on my own doing the best job I can I go out occasionally but mostly stay
home and yet he's he has the nerve to call me a whore and talk about me.
I can't help but feel worse about him cheating on me I take it personal
like what's wrong with why would he do this to me. Thinking about it
logically they can have him and all the drama that he brings but I just
can't help but feel low because of this. Thanks again for all of your
responses and encouraging words I come to this site daily for strength
and realize I'm not the only one going through this. My best wishes go
out to all of you and your loved ones! |
DSALO1 |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I appreciate the
fact that you appreciate our responses.
This post has an unusual amount of responses to your question.
There is a big warning going out to you thru all of us..the message is
to GET OUT.
I am reading YOUR denial.....still.
You need to make plans...to leave.
Do you hear us? I have an enormous WARNING and concern in my spirit
because of you.
I have been praying....praying
LISTEN,,,,LISTEN
I know it is not just me...you have a thousand people here being
provoked by your post...I don't hear you packing...WAKE UP!
You go to church....are you arguing with the voice of truth inside of
you...do you feel something inside of you telling you to go? Do you????
Or is it just me?
I've been praying that if I am being crazy right now for God to give me
peace...don't have it yet...I just want to keep posting this strong to
you...It's scarey for me to risk the way I look to other posters. But I
decided I don't care...I'll be crazy lookin to others for you...for what
I sense in such a strong way. |
no more
mething
around |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I am so sorry
you are going thru this. Stay strong - you sound like you know what
needs to be done. It is so hard to think logically about emotional
issues. I will be thinking of you. Hugs and kisses to you and your son.
Sounds like he is very lucky to have a mom like you. |
blinded
for2years |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I too was
called a whore, slut and the whole "You can't turn a whore into a
housewife" ordeal when the whole time he was the one cheating. He would
get so paranoid that I was cheating that he would go through bank
statements, cell phone records and then he was so convinced that I was
cheating with someone who drove a certain car and then started a book
with nothing but tag numbers to these cars. It got to the point where I
couldn't stand to come home, I hated the weekends and was terrified what
was to come when I knew he was high. He would wake me up to push me
around, I guess me being asleep pissed him off.
Just realize it's not going to get any better as long as he uses drugs.
If your's is like mine, you can detect instantly if he's high no matter
how many times they say they haven't used. Today, my life feels so good
right now. It's so nice to come home and not have to worry about
anything. I promise it will get easier. I know those are only words but
I know that for a fact. I didn't think I could live life without mine.
Now the crying gets less and less and I have more good days than bad. In
fact the bad ones are few and far between. Stay positive! |
silly
veronica |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
My
heart goes out to you - I cannot imagine going through what you have. I,
too, have been with an addict but I'm in the process of moving on (it's
been 3 days for me - 3 days in MY recovery from getting away from an
addict). It's harder than people think ... just like they go back to the
drug, we go back to them. In my experience, it hasn't gotten any better
or any easier, and with every time that I've taken him back, leaving has
been 10x harder the next time.
Just take it one day at a time. If you can cut off all communication,
I've found that that is what works best. Just like they have to live for
today, you do as well. Your situation is different than mine in that
there is physical violence - you NEED to stay away, for your sake and
the sake of your child.
You're not alone though - there are many of us going through this same
struggle. |
TnSkye |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
You should turn
to your mom. There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed by what has
happened TO you. She can relate and she is there in person for you.
You cannot control what he does. He's beating you in front of your
child, where does cheating effect any of this?? You said you are
separated, go forward, not back. Learn how to heal yourself and your
child. If he decides to heal himself, that's great, but don't put your
life on hold hoping for that to happen.
I think it would be a good idea to go and press charges RIGHT NOW. Get
an order of protection to keep him away.
A few weeks ago, Katelin's husband smashed her head in the floor and
gave her a concusion. Before that, Spooky's boyfriend tried to kill her,
LITERALLY, but managed to get himself hurt pretty badly and went to jail
where he ended his life.
Don't think that this couldn't happen to you because it could and right
now you have the means to try and prevent it from happening again. In
all honesty, you may not live through his next tantrum. Think about your
son. Yes, he will have these memories the rest of his life, like you do
from your childhood.
I really suggest going and pressing charges NOW! |
no more
mething
around |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Check with your
insurance company and their mental health regs. For instance, we had to
cancel our health ins. in Dec.for the family ( 600 bucks a month and a
bad winter ) but he still has it individually thru his work. We go to
counseling occassionally together and the insurance will cover it with
us.
I want to
clarify that I mean counseling with your son. Our family counselor also
gave us a half price break for what insurance didn't cover when she
found out we had to cancel our insurance. You might be surprised at the
options open to you if you ask. You mentioned church. Clergy can also
provide valuable counseling services. |
ruined
bymeth |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I have an
ex-coworker that just graduated with her masters degree in marriage and
family therapy. I also work with a DV advocate that also does counciling
I'm going to contact them today and see if they can help us. Also, for
those of you that divorced your addicts how was the court process were
just at the begining. I'm requesting for sole custody supervised visits.
I'm not sure if he'll try to get ugly in court or maybe I'll get lucky
and he won't show up. Thank God my house is only in my name so I don't
have to worry about that. This just feels like at bad dream and I want
to wake up. Thank you all again. Passion my heart goes out to you and
your family. I'm so sorry for the pain you all endured. |
Was
Tweaked |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I hope you will
find the courage to talk with your mother. Now you better understand
what she went through (in a way). This could be something that makes the
2 of you closer than ever & you could use the family support :-)
We are here for you, so many have been there done that & DO NOT WANT TO
SEND A POSTCARD!
It is not easy to move on, it is necessary!!!!! In time you will know
you have done what was right.
You do not deserve to live this way nor does your son. Please find the
strength within yourself to do this. It is there sometimes hidden down
deep. You are worth it :-)
Your son is worth it :-) |
Rachel
sue76 |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Quote:
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts
of all children.
From The Crow right? |
wyld
angel |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Actually, it is in that movie! LOL But I also saw it in a quote book
once as well. I just don't know who said it. |
kwalby |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I was
married to my user for 19 years. He was clean when we met and we were
looking forward to having a home and children and the whole till death
do us part thing. Well the relapse into alcoholism was pretty bad (that
happened about 5 years into the marriage) but was nothing and I mean
nothing like the meth.
I found out about the meth about a yearans a half before I finally
divorced him. I think he'd been using for about 12-18 months before I
found out but I'm not at all sure.
Yes I took him back multiple times. For some reason meth's hold seems to
extend to the non-user. I wanted so badly to believe that he really
wanted to go back to the life we had planned. I dropped the first
divorce, took him back, and his "good intentions" lasted all of a month.
He was back on the @#%$, pipes in the garage, scuzzy friends coming
around, phone calls to his girlfriend, money missing, taking off for
weeks at a time. Finally a bag of dope under the bed!
So I filed again. This time I went through with it and I STILL took him
back after the divorce!!!!! 3 times!!!!!! But the funny thing was I
could tolerate him for less and less time until the third time I had to
ask him to leave after being back for 2 weeks.
After that I didn't hear from him for about 4 months till he got
arrested, and of course wanted to "work things out" again. And I even
considered it!!
But it's now been a year and a half since the divorce and It's OVER.
Actually at about the 6 month stage I still wanted the "old" person back
but not the person he had become. At about 8 months he was asking to
come "home" if he could get probation and I had the sense to say NO!
About 10 months I was ready to start accepting dates.
In the year and a half since the divorce was final, I was able to sleep,
get financially stable, buy a new home, the kids are happy he's gone,
(as well as the chaos), am now dating someone, able to focus on my job,
ENJOY MY LIFE!
Take it easy on yourself and re that you too are dealing with an
addiction, an addiction to him. It's called co-dependency. Stay away
from him, except for what dealings may be legally necessary, treat him
like your drug of choice and realize that you will be going thru a
period of withdrawal.
But kicking you addiction will be worth it. And re addicts will
say and promise anything.... anything to keep you taking care of them.
He has to be cut loose if he is going to have any chance at all, but you
have to get this in your head. No dreams of a wonderful reformed person
showing up at your door. You get on with the business of building a life
for yourself. It's the only way!!! |
miles
4logan |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I moved out 2
years ago and am still trying to make it work. Not that it is any better
but I've only suffered emotional abuse. He beat you up in front of your
son. That is wrong. I find myself wondering the same thing, how to make
it thru the night without crying, etc. And I haven't an answer. I think
someday it just comes. I hope anyhow. And I hope that day comes for you
also. Meth is very evil and I'm starting to believe that something very
bad has to happen before they quit. My husband can tell me he wants to
quit and tell me how miserable he is, but his actions say elsewise.
I'd say take it day by day, hour by hour. Enjoy your son and do what you
can to protect him. As far as the blame, they will never accept any.
I wish you luck. |
k8 |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Moving
on happens when you're able to recognise that the man you're longing for
died some time ago and allow yourself the space to grieve for him
without looking for him in the man who now uses his body and speaks with
his voice.
You trip yourself up when you think this imposter can be in your future
the person your man was in the past.
Your recent encounter should be all the evidence you need to demonstrate
to you that this is NOT the man you loved in the past.
Shut the door and keep yourself and your children safe. Move if you have
to. Don't go there with this dangerous person looking for a man who you
used to love who has already died. What you're doing now is just as
dangerous as any addict going back time and again to a drug that will
eventually destroy them.
I'm sorry sweetie, it hurts that your beloved died, but that's the truth
of it. Honour your grief in private. Treat yourself ever so tenderly.
Wrap yourself in cottonwool and keep you and your baby safe.
Do not open the door to this monster no matter how sweetly he seduces
with your lover's voice. |
ruined
bymeth |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I just came back
from my inlaws their great. I went to the sheriffs dept. to have them
serve him with the divorce papers I tried to have him sign him this
morning but he just wrote FU on them. He doesn't want to act like were
married but he doesn't want a divorce. The soorry thing is I had to pay
$90 bucks to the sherriffs to have him served at his mothers house but
he doesn't even stay there we have no clue as to where he stays but I
have to attempt to have him served before I can do it in the paper after
that we can do a default if he doesn't repond. All this stuff is getting
to me I want to be done and over with this. I haven't got a lawyer yet
cause for one I can't afford but people keep telling me it should be
easy and that he has no grounds to put up a fight. But I'm worried since
I'm risking the custody of my baby that maybe I should get a lawyer.
Well it was good I talked to my in-laws and told them what I want and
what that I'm asking for sole cutody and they were cool they said what
kind of mother would give him anything but this. I didn't call the PD
cause the family I have around town would have a field day talking about
my business and I didn't want to be the talk of family gatherings for
years to come. I also haven't talked to my mother but I did talk to my
mother-in-law. I'm only 24 yrs old I started dating my husband when I
was 15. I think of my in-laws as family and guess I have a closer
relationship with them then my own family. I didn't tell my mother the
things she went through with my dad made her a very bitter and angry
person and hope eventully my husband my recover and we can get along for
our son and my mother would never get over it if I told her. I always
think of my husband in two people the wonderful man before the addiction
and the selfish monster he has become I just wish my son could have his
daddy back but I guess for now I have to stay strong and be mom and dad
for him. Lots of love, take care! |
another
family
messed
upbymeth |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Left my addict
husband. He too, takes no responsibility. After hitting me, I called
911. As my son was crying, he says "look what you're doing to your son".
Look what I'M doing?? I said.
You're kidding yourself. He doesn't love you. He only wants to keep
living the status quo, the comfortable life he was living before you
left him. He wants to continue to use meth, have you there as the good
wife and mother, while he snorts, smokes, and screws his crank whores.
(talking about my husband, but I've found it to be true of many meth
husbands). You and especially your son deserve more, much more.
How did I move on? First of all, I grieved. I grieved for the life I
should have been living. I grieved for the life my children lost out on.
I allowed myself to grieve it. Then I ignored my husband and only spoke
to him regarding the children. Only through electronic means at first
(email, text messages, etc.).
You have to go through a sort of death, and come to acceptance after the
grief. Accept that your child's father is a violent drug addict. Accept
that you can't fix him, change him, make him a good
person/father/husband again. Look at what you think it is you're loving.
Are you loving the man you used to know? He's gone. He could come back
someday, but don't count on it being this year, or next year. You have
to move on and just hope he gets his shyte together, for your son's
sake.
You can still report the beating to the police, it's not to late. I
would do so, and I'd get a restraining order in place. He could do
something crazy. Change the locks on your doors.
Best wishes. Please, for your child's sake, stay away from this man who
now inhabits your husband's body.
I hadn't read
to the end of the posts, so I wanted to add this.
Don't count on your inlaws staying on your side. Blood is thicker than
water. He'll come to them with tears and stories about you being crazy
and telling lies. They may soften.
Unless you owned your house before you married him, it is community
property if you are in a community property state and he gets half in a
divorce.
File for custody right away. It is worth consulting a lawyer about. If
he has no criminal history or history of drug use, it's your word
against his.
Good luck. |
MJBAJK |
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
ruined,
My heart goes out to you and your son. I don't know what state you're
in, but check on an Order of Protection or ex parte. You can get the
restraining order against him without pressing charges if that's your
choice. In some states, filing an Order of Protection also gives you
custody of any minors in the home. I don't know if it's like this in all
areas, but it's worth checking out. A court advocate at a local women's
shelter could help you with this.
Stay safe and yes, you will grieve for the man he was and the life you
had, but you know you and especially your son deserve better than this.
Is he out of your home? I've been through what you are going through now
and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. I was able to get a
security system installed on payments in my home after the violence and
stocked up on mace. I know it's unbelievable to think about the man you
love beating on you or even trying to take your life, but it does
happen, so worry about your and your son's safety first.
I also agree with the post to distance yourself from your in-laws also.
I love mine very much, but he is their son and in the end, that is where
their loyalty lies.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, |
katelin24
|
Re: Left your
Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Quote:
A few weeks ago, Katelin's husband smashed her
head in the floor and gave her a concusion.
Tnskye is correct
Keep yourself safe! My husband hit me pretty damn hard and he's not even
on meth anymore. It was a psychotic episode cause by a trigger. I had a
major headache for days. He could have hurt me a lot worse, the state he
was in. Be careful! |
