KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Son using meth again; how to protect 15 year-old sister?

cotton candy	My son's meth addiction My heart is breaking...my son is 19 years old and was clean and off meth for nearly a year! I was so proud of him, everyone I spoke to I praised him and his strong will to get off of this nasty drug. He knew how proud I was and I know HE was proud of himself! He told me he didn't do it alone, he had help from God. Now he is back into using again. He is disrespectful and rude to me. I can't take it to heart because I know it's the drug talking, but it still hurts. I have told him he is not welcome in my home to be around his 15 year old sister when he is using. I finally had to take the stand. His father is an alcoholic and addicted to pain pills. He blames me for everything and says I am an bad mother because I won't feed or take in my son. And I won't unless he is clean. Am I wrong in my decision? I really would like to talk with anyone out there. Please help.
Replies...
TnSkye	Re: My son's meth addiction Hi Candy, welcome. I'm so sorry you are going through this yet again. There are many parents here who will be glad to share with you. This board is a bit slow on weekends. In my opinion, no, you are not wrong for wanting a 15 year old exposed to this behavior. You are not wrong to not feed him or take him in. It would send HER the message that using meth is ok because people still take care of you. It would also be enabling him and not allowing him to hit his bottom on his own. Keep using this board, read and learn as much as you can. It has helped alot of us keep or find our sanity.
Sfj	Re: My son's meth addiction You may get a number of different opinions and you may not. There are some who think they are right and everyone else is wrong so the best move is usually to do what you think is best. Among the opinions, I will offer mine. 1. Get as much info as you can 2. Develop a plan 3. Seek professional help 4. Realize the truthful limitations 5. Most importantly - Trust God As far as being in your home, I’d say that if he demonstrates a willingness and a desire to get clean and stay clean, he is making progress. Demonstration would include regular attendance at meetings, participation in IOP treatment, regular visits with Therapist, or competent counselor, or some combination of those. People who are serious about trying to get clean will be embracing an attitude of humility. Arrogance and pride do not work for those who are serious about recovery. I’m not as dogmatic or strict about perfect success and total abstinence as I am about attitude. But that’s just my position. Others will say that one slip is intolerable. Here’s my website for recovery: Do's and Dn'ts How Meth Addicts Think and Feel
sdm sanjose	Re: My son's meth addiction *Quote:* He is disrespectful and rude to me. Meth use is not a good enough excuse to be disrespectful to you. I will not tolerate my addicted son to be rude to me or his mother. *Quote:* He blames me for everything and says I am a bad mother because I won't feed or take in my son. In my opinion you are not only a good mother but a strong one also. We men are not always the strong ones. If your husband would stop and think rationally he would see that you are looking for help, care deeply about your son, and he should support you and thank you. *Quote:* And I won't unless he is clean. Am I wrong in my decision? SFJ gave a very good answer in my opinion.
djmom11	Re: My son's meth addiction It is not easy what you have done. I have been in that position. You are not a bad mother. I pray that someday he will quit again. Don't feel guilty. You have to do what you think is right for yourself and your family. Gad Bless.
cotton candy	Re: My son's meth addiction Thank you all for your thoughts and support. My son had a good job. His supervisor called me and asked me how my son was. I said I had not talked with him in a week. She said he had been sick for three to four weeks and told her he would see the doctor and report back to her. She asked him to talk to me, that I was a nurse and could help him. He told her we did'nt see eye to eye. The fact being my son and I are incredibly close. When he is using it's a different story. I told his supervisor he had a problem with Meth. I told my son of our conversation and he called me every name in the book and thanked me for loosing his job. He called later and told me he would take a UA and show me. I spoke to his supervisor the next day and she told me he was not fired, HE RESIGNED and would be up for rehire in 6 months. Not what he told his father, and he never had the U.A. His father has been home from work the past two weeks, drunk and on pills and now my son is living with him and his new wife. My ex was hospitalized shortly after our divorce three years ago and was diagnosed with pancreatitis and was told if he did't stop drinking, he would die. My ex is in denile and will enable my son so he does'nt have to face his reality. I feel so frustrated and all I want is my son back. Are there any ideas about how to deal with my ex?
scared mom	Re: My son's meth addiction It is a tough call on what to do with a child who is using. I know because we also have a 19 year old son who has a meth addicition. Ours was clean for 4 months and then relapsed. We had not let him back into our home until he had 2 months at a rehab halfway house because we too had to have him leave the home. He was not actively seeking recovery. I understand the pain you are going through. I wish there were an easy answer to what you should do but it is so case by case and so based on the individuals personality that it is imposible to say the exact right answer. BUT that being said, like sfj and others suggest get educated on meth, knowledge really is power. Best of luck to you and welcome to the forum.
mom mab38	Re: My son's meth addiction I just wanted to say i have been exactly where u are now. I have no expert advise, u just do what your heart tells u to do. About being wrong about making him leave, no u were not wrong!!!! I hav e 4 daughters, and there was no way in hell i was gonna let her be around her 3 sisters. They will bring the meth into your home, smoke it in your home, without you knowing it. My prayers are with u, u have got me thinking about those long sleepness nights of wondering where she was???? MISERABLE Like i said my prayers are with u.Good Luck!!!
pit2lover	Re: My son's meth addiction Dear Candy, I am a recovering meth addict and I can tell you from personal experience that your son is not going to get clean unless he really wants to. The only thing that you can do is assure him that you love him and that you will always be there for him but that you don't agree with the way he has choose to live his life. But make sure that he knows that you love him and that you will be there for him when he does decide that he wants to get clean.
Guene	Re: My son's meth addiction I came here last July looking for answers, my daughter is addicted to meth, pot, and drinks like there's no tomorrow. I have been dealing with her for 8 years, but didn't know it was meth until a couple of years ago. We have kicked her out twice and she is back home right now. She's 21, has no job, isn't looking and stop going to her NA meetings and her counselor. We have decided that we have done all we can, she is the only one who can help herself now. We plan on getting our house ready to sell and are going to move to Montana. She has been told that she cannot come. My husband and I want a fresh start, a new life together without anymore pain. We are going to enjoy what time we have left, and she is going to figure out what she needs to do for herself, we are done. I could tell you alot more, but I don't want to type all of it, but it was living hell and all I can say to you is this, They are the ones who have to change, and nothing you do is going to make that happened unless they want it. You have found a good place to come to, this board is very helpful and supportive, keep coming.
25 years but no more	Re: My son's meth addiction Hi Candy - Welcome to the board. KEEP HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!!!! If you think that he is disrespectful and rude now, let him move in and he will be much worse.
cirogyra	Re: My son's meth addiction Hi Candy. I'm another parent in pain over meth. You asked what to do about your ex, who enables your son. My daughter's mother-in-law enables my daughter, as well as her son. (Sometimes I wonder who is sicker, the meth users or those who enable them!!) I don't think you should even try to do anything about your ex. After you've stated your opinion, he will either take it to heart or reject it completely. There's really nothing you can do about your ex or your son, for that matter, except to stand up for what you believe is right. After you've done that, I'm with Guene: Get on with your own life.