KCI The Anti_Meth Site

What do I do to help my Daughter strung out on Meth?

scarecd for my daughter	help my daughter using meth? my 19 year old daughter is strung out on meth. i have not seen or heard from her for 9 days now. i know where she is, even know the number of where she is, but when i call it her boyfriend / meth cook says he doesn't know who I'm talking about and dont call this number again. i have talked to her about using and what it does to your body and life. i know from first hand experience because i used meth for almost 20 years, been clean now for almost 7 years. i quit using so i wouldn't loose my kids and because it was just time to stop before i died. my daughter was old enough to re when i was using even thou i thought i was doing a good job of hiding it, NOT! i really thought my beautiful daughter would never fall into this trap. boy was i wrong! my question to you all that have been thru this is, should i go take her by force and bring her home to come down then seek help for her. my parents are affiliated with teen challenge which is a wonderful long term program. i think the 30 day treatments are a waste of time and money, the reason i say that is because you might have it out of your system in 30 days but it's still in your head. the seed is planted. so to you parents and recovering people what should i do next? thanks for any help and input in advance. god bless you all...
Replies...
jack smom	Re: help my daughter using meth? If you can coax her to come with you then DO IT! But you have to come to terms with the fact that she's 19 and has not been your 'legal reponsibility' for almost a couple of years. This will be tough! She's really going to do wha SHE wants! See if she'll go to lunch or diner or even coffee with you. TRY to talk to her. Don't piss her off or you really won't get anywhere, but start 'planting that seed'. Lucky me...I have a minor that was using so I had a lot on my side. She'll be 17 on Tuesday, so I still have a good year to take some control. It's a very scary thing...this meth shite! Good luck!
JAN 2006	Re: help my daughter using meth? scarecd for my daughter Well most of the people on this site will not like what im going to say, but here it goes............. If that were my daughter, I take the cops with me , and I would go get my daughter, And trust me this is not going to be easy, but at least I would know my daughter was safe, and I did try every thing in my powere to get my daughter . See I dont care about the cook, the dealer, I care about you, getting your daughter before its to late. First I would call the cops, give them the info about the cook, give them that phone number, then see what they have to say about getting your daughter. scarecd for my daughter I would do this ASAP, she is your daughter, you might be helping all kinds kids, and others by calling the cops on this meth lab, the cook, the dealer. I can say this much to you trust me ,the cook, the dealer , DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU , OR YOUR DAUGHTER, OR ANYONE. My guess is your daughter being 19 years old, trust me there are more than likley younger ones in this group. I SAY CALL THE COPS TURN THEM IN, YOU MIGHT TELL THE COPS YOU KNOW YOUR DAUGHTER IS THERE, BUT KEEP YOU OUT OF, TURNING IN THE COOK, THE DEALER, ECT. DO IT NOW I SURE WOULD IF THAT WAS MY DAUGHTER......... HUGS TO YOU
jacks mom	Re: help my daughter using meth? Jan, I am not against using the cops or any form of law enforcement either. I did it myself a few times, but I also have a 'minor child'. In most cases, if it is an adult who is of their own consent then they can't/won't really do anything. You can tell them info, but that info is only 'hearsay'. I've discussed this with my mom who just retired as a Sheriff's Dept. commander. Unfortunate, isn't it?!?
cmom	Re: help my daughter using meth? Well, here goes my two cents worth. I have a daughter who been using for almost 7 years. She is now 26 and has made progress but she still struggle. I have custody of her child. For the 1st 3-4 years I did everything in my powers, chasing her down, checking on her, taking her child to prison to vist her, all the things I THOUGHT I should be doing. Looking back, I now realize the things I THOUGHT I was doing out of love did nothing but enable her to continue this lifestye. Trust me mom, I hear the desperation in your voice. If this is what you feel you should do, then do it but realize there is a very good chance she will just leave. I am very familiar with Teen Challenge and yes it is a WONDERFUL organization. I've worked closely with them during my career. If your daughter is not ready, it will not work. My first night I ventured into chat, a very dear friend of mine gave me some wise advice. He is a recovering addict and today has been clean for 12 years. These were his words: 1. Educate yourself on this drug. Learn EVERYTHING you can. 2. Turn your daughter over to God. 3. Take away the safety net Looking back, I wish I had taken his advice because you see right now you are here asking for advice and I would have to say to you the same thing my friend said to me years ago. If you allow it, your daughters addiction can control your life. Hand it back to her. Take if off your shoulders and put it where it belongs. Sounds harsh, huh? I feel your pain. Please continue to come back.
genny	Re: help my daughter using meth? I did go get my 16 year old daughter last night, believing she was in a situation with a father's support. I got her home with a lot of determination. I know I have a road ahead. She is so mad and humiliated... I, too, returned this morning with my son in the car, and confronted the father...of course, denial.I did speak my peace and told him everything I felt and HAD trusted him as a parent, but I am slow to the draw , but I am not stupid.... She may have used it only two-three times, but I don't want to wait until I find her dead I would love any comments. I am a teacher, 48 years old, never used drugs..but I do speak up and try to keep a network of communication in our small community. I know there's a lot of parents who will blame my daughter and be in denial of their children's use....this is the hardest part to find all around support...
cmom	Re: help my daughter using meth? Genny, Your daughter is not an adult. In my eyes there is a huge difference in the way a minor can or should be treated as oposed to an adult. Do whatever you have to, to protect your 16 year old daughter. My opinion only.
dells	Re: help my daughter using meth? My daughter is now almost 26, at age 19 I tried keeping her "captive", tried talking, encouraged counseling, etc.,as soon as I gave her back the car keys she was off & running. I don't know if I am correct in saying this, but with my daughter it was not only the drugs that she was addicted to but the b/f as well. I don't know if she could give up both, or wanted to, because giving up the drugs went along with giving up the b/f. Like Cmom, I also have custody of my daughters 3.5 yr old for the past 2.5 yrs. Yes, the desire for the drug was stronger than the desire to be with her baby. I tried to "force" my daughter to hit her bottom many times, tried an intervention 3 yrs ago. Finally last July she did hit her bottom, on her own, and is still working her recovery. I know for myself, I felt so helpless, but not hopeless. You have come to a good place here, there is a lot of support, knowledge & love to help you/guide you through this rough journey.
mom mab38	Re: help my daughter using meth? I have been in your shoes lot's of times. My daughter started using when she was 16, she is 19 now and pregnant.Thank god she had the willpower to quit when she found out she was pregnant at 2 1/2 months. My daughter was put in rehab 2 times before she turned 18. She spent her 18th birthday in rehab. When she got out, came back to "smalltown" Tennessee, what did she do???? She hooked up with her "buddies" and used within 2 days of being released, both times. As far as the cops go, maybe they are better where u are at. I sent them numerous times to get my daughter out of bad places and they said they never could find her. B/S She told me she was looking out the window at them while they just circled the parking lot. In Tennessee, they will not go in and get anyone over 18 unless they are being held against their will. She is gonna have to make the decission to quit. Really all u can do is pray that she comes to her senses. I feel your pain and i will say a special prayer fou u and your daughter tonight. Re, it is her choice now, just pray she hurries and makes the right one.
scott lock	Re: help my daughter using meth? Your doing the right thing asking advice... I'm a 23 year old recovering addict...I wish I had a parent like you thats willing to seek advice and is open to speaking about it ... pat yourself on the back.. what Jacksmom said about "PLANTING THE SEED" is GREAT advise.. it's all you can really do... she will need to want help and the better her relationship with you is the less likly she is to do damage to herself... well any meth is damage but if she feels alone { meth brings that feeling on } then she will dispair...but if she knows she has you and that being with you is not a bad thing then she is more likly to seek your help.... Re at the best of times forcing your point accross is not the best choise... when it comes to meth trying to force your point accross will make her REALLY mad and due to the meth { regardless of her usuall personality } she may become very abuseive.... try not to fight fire with fire... Fight demon fire with love.... you may need a rock for yourself... a good friend or family you can really talk to ... that way you can prepare yourself for when you meet her and make sure your at your best... counciling is not a bad idea as well..at all. Try to get on terms with her so you can maby even speak about her meth use but... this is hard... talking to a parent about drugs is pretty strange and even comments like "I wish you would stop" can promt a user to quickly shut down.. Feed them when needed but refrain from lending them money... I'm sure you don't want to be supporting their habit.. When the meth becomes to much then if they trust you and know you love them unconditionaly then hopefully they will seek your help... Thats your chance... Re this process may have to be repeated... try not to lose heart and stay strong... I know it's not fair but have to go through all this due to none of your own actions... METH IS NOT FAIR... IT KNOWS NO REASON My heart go's out to you.
djmom 11	Re: help my daughter using meth? Since she is 19, you can't force her to go. Just let her know that you want to be there for her, especially in her recovery. Let her know there is a place for her at Teen Challenge. Just love her, but don't support her habbit.
genny	Re: help my daughter using meth? Thank you for so many responses. this has been a tough day. I have a great family and understanding sister. The next hurdle is if she will go to school. She is a smart girl. Her "friends" of many years have called and gotten mad at her for what I did.Obviously, they are afraid their parents will find out...I have no desire to rat on others. I need all the energy to be strong for my daughter. I expected her to be angry at me, but now she can't face the people who were doing the meth with her. I pray there is hope for her to just stand up for herself and tell the friends to back off. We are in a small town in Colorado. Raising my kids in this has been wonderful until high school with all the connections made with upper classmen and the meth dealers, and parental ignoring of this problem. I do feel alone, but most of all I do worry of the choices she may make tonight or tomorrow. Is there a potential for suicide? I am maintaining an even keel disposition and her older brother of 19 is supportive of me. She is mad at him, too, because he was no angel growing up in high school. He was a football player and they were all into drinking and the pot. I've fought that, too. He even res me walking a mountain to find him and his friends and bring him home. He laughs now and reassures me that there is no mother he knows that would do that. He was mad, too, but loves me dearly. Thank you...I am still open to advice and ideas to help me through this week. I will go about it as normal as possible. I do teach, but I really don't know if I can't make her go to school if she refuses.
hope ful1	Re: help my daughter using meth? I also have a daughter-27 yrs old. found out that she has been using meth on and off for 8 years. This last year has been hell. she still doesn't thing that she has a problem. Try to get her help, but if she is like my daughter, she will deny that she needs help. I keep trying, but it is very hard, because she is not taking care of her kids, keeps loosing jobs, she says that she wants help, but never goes, but I keep hoping, but if they don't want help she will not go. One thing that I have learned is DO NOT give her any money, they try every way to make you feel sorry for themm but I have learned that hard way, it's for the Drug, keep trying to get help, I am, but just re that you did nothing wrong, and don't let her say that you did. keep going and try to be strong.
25 years but no more	Re: help my daughter using meth? I used meth for 25 years and I have been clean now for 21 months. My daughters are ages 13 and 9, but I made them a big part of my recovery, so hopefully they will choose not to use when that time comes. Now that your daughter is over 18 she can do what she wants to do. NOT!!! Not when it comes to meth! Yes, if she was my daughter I would drag her kicking and screaming out of there whether she liked it or not. I can't see a meth cook calling the police to have them stop you from taking her out of there. Therefore, I would go there anytime that I thought that she was there, and I would drag her butt out of there as MANY times as I needed to because at some point HE won't want HER around there any more! Good luck!
gigi 177	Re: help my daughter using meth? I just have to post on this. I have tried everything to get my daughter back home but since she's 18 I have NO RIGHTS as a parent anymore. If I try to force her to come home or into treatment she can have me arrested for "kidnapping" and assault". As much as I would love to have the answer for you the only one I have is "prayer". While I'm praying for my daughter I will pray for all of yours.
scared mom	Re: help my daughter using meth? I would suggest keeping the lines of communication open, very open. If she calls you try to let her do most of the talking and then when you talk use very gently reminders that there is help available. When my son is using he gets angry easily and if i push recovery information at him he closes up. But if i listen to him and then tell him i love him and then gently tell him some information he does not close up. I am not sure if it is sinking in all the way...yet but he is listening. I would not suggest taking by force... if her personality is like my sons it would just make her so angry that she would fight any form of forced recovery tooth and nail. BUT since i do not know your daughter's personality this is just a suggestion based on my son's personality and may not be true for her. When Zac calls i typically ask if he wants to meet for lunch. I perfer a face to face contact at least every other week. I know that i am able to discuss so much more when he can see me and realize that i am not trying to be mean or judgemental but that my suggestions are based on a deep motherly love. He has never stood me up for a lunch date... rescheduled some but never skipped out. It is a great way of keeping the lines of communication open. Zac knows, like your daughter must know, that when he is ready for help he should be like the prodigal son and come home. Of course we will not let him stay here until he completes time at a rehab but he knows that we will help him all we can to accomplish that when he is ready. I wish i could do more for him now besides pray and keep communications open but experience has taught me that there is no more i can do for him at this time. I wish you the best of luck with your daughter and her situation.
mom mab38	Re: help my daughter using meth? TO SCAREDMOM: U are so right in what u said above. That is the same way I have to deal with my daughter. I have learnt that is the only way when u have a child on meth. Yes it hurts like HELL to know that they are out in the streets using meth. Totaly breaks your heart, but if u won't to somewhat keep your sanity, then this is the only way I have found to deal with my daughter. My daughter and I did not talk for 3 months because every time she called I was asking her where she was, was she high and just constantly bitching about meth. She just quit calling until I just talked to her about everything but meth. Yes, my heart was broke, but it has to be their desicion to quit. If something happens, then i think that was just god's will because I had done everything I could. I wish the best for you and your child. HUGS
scared mom	Re: help my daughter using meth? Thanks It is a hard habit to break (asking about use) and when he called today to wish his dad a happy birthday i fell into the pattern but quickly changed the subject. I still plant SMALL seeds but at this time it feels like keeping the lines of communication open is the best thing. With children, even grown children, it is hard to not let emotions get in the way. It is something i continue to work on.
scarecd for my daughter	Re: help my daughter using meth? THANK YOU ALL for the kind words of encouragement and wisdom. i am just now getting back on here to reply because after reading all of your responses i just sit and bawled like a baby thinking about how strangers have come to my rescue. i now know what i have to do concerning my daughter and myself. on a good note she did call her grandmother the other night because the state we live was hit by over a 100 tornado's and she had sense enough to call to say she was ok. i will get thru this same as her. she is going to have to hit rock bottom like i did. it's a long road ahead of us and i know this. but i will never give up on my daughter,i just have to do this the right way. once again thank you one and all for your post. something (i believe it was god) lead me to this board for a reason and i think you all are the proof that there are a lot of good hearted people left in this crazy ole world. i will keep you up on the progress with my daughter and i will pray for you all and your family's daily. god bless each and everyone of you. from the bottom of my heart,thank you.
genny	Re: help my daughter using meth? thank you all for your responses. it has been a week since my daughter and I began our battle. we have had a good week. she has talked about why she chose to use and her friends. we had two days of absolute silence, and refused to go to school on Mon. instead of yelling I went about my days. she is definitely looking healthier already. I took the advice of looking for solutions vs. giving consequences. sure enough we are looking into a trainer and gym. I have offered to faithfully fix her a small, balanced salad every night and she is eating more. she has agreed to get me back to walking. I know I can't control her every choice. I am hoping that the good of this is that she knows I will always be there, always come get her from anyplace and will continue to improve my active listening skills. I told her that she needs to be more tolerant, too, though and keep up the school for when it may mean something to her. I hope all is well with your children and thank you for the support.
Guene	Re: help my daughter using meth? Welcome New Mom's, my daughter is an addict. We have been dealing with our daughters problems for 8 years. She is now 21 and back to living at home. This last time we let her move back and she promised to do what we wanted her to do, but that didn't last very long. We are planning on selling our home and moving to Montana, start a new life. Her father told her she is no coming with us and that she needs to start figureing out what she's going to do. He told her she could live with us until we leave. She still isn't trying to change or do anything to help herself. My story is so long and I don't want to have to type it all up again. I'll try and make it short. We didn't know until she graduated from high school that she had a Meth problem. Things were fine up until the 10th grade, she started hanging out with different people, getting in trouble at school, bad grades, running away, you name it and we went throught it. Parting all the time, getting calls from police to come and get her and so on and so on. Two weeks after she graduated she went out to a party, I begged her to stay home, she wouldn't listen. At 4:30 in the morning I was woke up and told that our daughter was in a car accident and to get to the hospital right away. She was driving, no Lic. and she didn't even know how to drive, but the other guy was so drunk he wanted her to drive. She lost control and ran into a tree head on, she had to have her face rebuilt and she almost died. Two weeks after getting out of the hospital she was picked up again for drinking and out of control, they called me to come and get her, said that they didn't have room in the jail. There is so much more, she tried to Kill herself too, but we got her to the hospital in enough time. She's had all the help we could get her, counseling, doctors, you name it we tried it. We even told her this last time we would pay for a treatment place, she said she doesn't have a problem and is still partying and running around like a teenager. I wish I could say there is hope, but for my child I just don't feel it, but yours might have a chance. There is always a chance. I wish both of you the best of luck. It's a long and painful road, but if they change will its worth it.
very scared mom	Re: help my daughter using meth? Please know your words are comforting. I'm currently dealing with a 19 year old daughter that has left home and I believe is addicted to crack, and living with crack addicts. The people I live with, her Dad & 17 year old sister have completely written her off since her actions since 16 have been heartbreaking. Even though we've learned she is stripping and God knows what else,I keep trying to keep in touch with her because I fear what total isolation from family will do to her. I have just realized in the last few months that she has an addiction. She was an A student in college even while doing drugs so it was difficult for me to believe, even though in my heart, I think I've known for some time she was hanging with people that are crack heads. Things came to a head in Dec. 05 with a DUI and a crack head in the car with her that went to jail for drugs. She left home after we got her out of jail. The day we spent $1000 to get her out of jail, she also left home. I kept communication thru court, but while she got off with a youthful offender (due to $800 spent on a lawyer) she still lost her license for 90 days. This girl was given a Gift from God of academic brilliance. She could take college courses and with little attempt make As or B's . Every teacher in her school years loved her. Even College Professors loved her, bragging on her test scores when other students said the teacher was too hard. But crack loved her more. I just want my daughter back. I have partly turned this over to God, but I am a fixer of problems. Therefore it's great to read some of this advice.
Guene	Re: help my daughter using meth? Veryscaredmom, God I know how you feel, believe me I do. I too am a fixer, but I realize that this is something we can't fix hon. I have to let go and let god. I wish we both didn't have to go through any of this, its so painful. I pray one day that we will both see our daughters again. Please join the board, you will get alot of support and help here. also you will meet alot of great people here. Hugs and Love