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Girlfriend relapsed using meth

Banky	Girlfriend relapsed using meth OK I have a pretty complicated situation with my girlfriend. We met quite a few years ago, (want to say 5-6 years) she was one of my sisters best friends and me and her became real good friends as well. Then suddenly one day she just vanished, and we didnt see her for a good 3-4 years after that. She resurfaced a few months ago thanks to Myspace. Well we finally found out what had happened. Basically her mother had been forcing her to smoke crystal meth, then her mom got busted an she had to go to rehab. Basically her mother signed her over to the state and she was in foster care ever since. She really had her life turned around, she was clean for 4 years, shes a counselor for foster kids with chemical dependency issues, She also earned a full ride scholarship to seek a degree in the same field. Well basically we started spending some time together and both found out that we used to have some feelings for each other, and these feelings came back very naturally for both of us. Now I am a very anti drug kind of person, hell I dont even like taking aspirin, so I normally wouldnt have to do anything with anyone who has done drugs, but this was different. Things were going really great, until recenty....she relapsed. I dont know how or why or where she got it but she relapsed. Now she is back in rehab again after 4 years of sobriety. I'm not allowed to see her, I cant even talk to her on the phone until shes out, which who knows how long that might take. It's really got me thinking hard about the whole situation. One side of me is going (omg shes using, I cant have anything to do with this, because its just going to keep happening). But the other part of me is thinking (This girl was handed a bad hand from the start, it wasnt her choice to use it to begin with, and I'd just be giving up on her like everyone else in her life. When she gets out of rehab and if she still wants to be with me, I'm gonna give her an ultimatem: Either sever all ties with your junkie past, dont talk to former hook ups, dont hang around people who have or are using, or I'm gone. She's only getting one chance. I love her very much, and it would hurt me alot to leave her and I don't want to, but I dont know. What do yall think?
Replies...
danimal 55	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth The phrase "Through sickness and in health" comes to mind. The question is, what brought her addiction out of remission after so long? Whether to leave or stay is a ultimatum for yourself more that an effective means of getting her to never use again, unfourtunately meth recovery comes with no guarantees. Relapse is commonplace, regardless of the length of cleantime we have, our addictions are in remission and have a very short fuse. Your sanity is an equally important issue, educate yourself and gain an understanding of meth addiction and addict behavior. You can help and addict recover once you know what you're dealing with, you can also do great harm if you don't. Click the links at the top of the KCI homepage, lots of great info. Frequent this forum, there are LOTS of peeps here in the same boat as you.
Banky	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth Thank you, do you think It's to much for me to ask her to stay away from anyone that uses. Like she told me she still has friends that use or are in rehab, and simply being around these people is like an invitation to relapse. Like me for instance, I've never known anybody that used meth, I wouldnt know where to get it if I wanted it, I think thats kinda safely being ignorant, i cant use if i dont know where to get it (not that I would anyway)
TnSkye	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth If this girl is addicted to meth, she's ALWAYS going to be addicted to meth. She can leave her friends and the life behind, and that is necessary, but when the cravings kick back in, if she doesn't use the tools she's been given, she'll use again. If you think back, did you notice any signs? Any 'old' friends come around? Did she start drinking, smoking pot or using other drugs? Did she find herself in a 'hard spot'? Was she feeling helpless about something in her life? Usually, a relapse is 'planned' in some way. Unfortunately, relapse is often a part of recovery. Giving her an ultimatum is only going to put pressure on her. The most she can do is "not use for today." She may say she promises not to ever use again, but the truth is, she cannot guarantee it. If this doesn't sound like the life you want, then leave her alone. You can support her and be her friend, but her addiction is always going to be a part of her life. If you are going to stay with her, learn to accept that. Learn as much as you can about this addiction. Learn how to deal with each issue as it comes up.
Loraura	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth Do you want to be in a relationship with who she is? Or who she is only if she follows all the rules you set out for her? You can't control her. If she follows rules, they will have to be rules she sets for herself, not rules set for her by you or anyone else. Setting rules for her will only serve as a source of disapointment for you. Instead of setting out these ultimatums, why not ask her, when she gets out, if she plans to do anything differently. And if so, what? See how (or if) she adjusts her own rules. Then make a determination if you want to be with her under her own rules or not.
danimal 55	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth Recovery 101- DO NOT be where addicts or drugs are. We ARE inviting a relapse when we place ourselves in dangerous environments, we know damn well what we're doing in spite of our own self deception. "Cunning, baffling and powerful unseen forces" is an understatement, we are masters of self deception. A relapse we might insist was "spontaneous" is usually pre-meditated for a considerable length of time until we place ourselves where we KNOW it will happen. This gal appears to be sincere, with 4 years clean she's no dummy. It all starts with the first one, and the twisted thinking that led up to it. Did alcohol play a role in this?
Banky	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth No of course not, I'm not some controling @#%$, I just care so much about her that I don't want her to hurt herself anymore. And no I didnt see any signs, she was happy, productive, enjoying her job and life. The only thing that struck me as odd was when she was spilling her guts one night, letting me know how happy I've made her since we got together and how I'm such a positive influence in her life, etc. I really dont know much about what happened except shes in rehab, her foster parents wont tell me where she is at. In fact I didnt even know where she was for 20 days until someone finally returned my phone calls. I was afraid she had died or something.
danimal 55	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth It sounds like she was un-happy when you got together and you were her night in shinning armour. Addicts typically look to drugs or others for a source of happiness that we can't find within ourselves...chemical dependent-co-dependent. Was alcohol use a precursor to this meth relapse? {VERY common}
Banky	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth No she never drank around me and never made any mention of drinking at all. It was really a shocker to everyone that this happened, everything was going so right in her life that it doesnt make any since, im not sure if theres a detail that people arent telling me though.
danimal 55	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth It will make sense once you understand addiction. Things don't necessarily have to be going bad for us to relapse,sometimes things can be going real good and we delude ourselves into thinking meth will make it even better. Euphoric recall is an addicts biggest foe, if we go there and hang...we're sunk! When we entertain thoughts of using we're essentially giving ourselves permission to use. It sucks that you're being left in the dark on this, but it may be best for her to remain focused on herself and not look to the relationship with you to save her,you do not want to be the reason she recovers. Regardless, you think they'd tell you something. Maybe ask them their reasoning, if they have any. For now, quit worrying and let her recover, she's doing the right thing, and it sounds like she's pretty big on you! Clean and sober men are hard to find!
Banky	Re: Girlfriend relapsed using meth Yeah she really is big on me, were so comfortable with each other. And yea I've always hated drugs, I dont smoke, and I very very rarely drink. My roomates and my sister (whos one of my sis's best friends) are straight edge, so they dont drink, smoke, do drugs, or engage in permiscous sex. She said she liked hanging with us because were such positive people.