KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Found out my meth addict (ex-fiance) is a new daddy

JUST CATS	Found out my meth addict is a new daddy Well, for those of you who haven't heard my story. I was with my ex-fiancé for 8 years- then meth came into his life, and I was "replaced." He got paranoid, violent, you name it. I had no idea it was meth. Anyhow, after we broke up, we had been seeing each other off and on. Stupid me, thinking that he loved me and wanted me in his life, and work it out. Stupid me again, thinking he was clean... Well, he was tweekin away, and cheating on me. Rumor had it that the girl got pregnant. In January, I met the girl. (EWE) She was pregnant. She was a supposed "past" meth user, although, I do not understand how she could be living with him and he is using, meth, heavily and she is not using at all. Well, today, I just heard, that, she, just had his baby and it is breaking my heart. I am in between being p!ssed off at him for being hooked on meth, and ruining his life (or should I say our lives) because of meth. I am mad because we were together so long and he turns to someone like her, when he had a wonderful life with me- Someone who has supported him in every way, and has truly loved him for all of the right reasons. I think I could take it better, if he met someone nice and they had a good thing, but he met her: a meth addict with her previous 3 children taken away, she will not work. She has nothing to offer him, at all looks-wise personality wise, money-wise... She is not loyal...Has put the make on his brother... I could go on and on... I want him out of my life. I want him out of my head and heart. I blocked his phone calls from the prison (yes, prison), yet I think about him, dream about him and just want to go beat the cr@p out of him for even being in my thoughts! I am so mad at myself for giving him, a meth addict, the benefit of the doubt,(over and over and over) for being loyal and loving... and then he hooks up with some loser, because she either doesn't care about his meth usage or she is doing it right along with him. What about me the one that he had been with for years???? What is going to happen to that precious baby now??? It makes me sick. THEY MAKE ME SICK-ESPECIALLY HIM!!!!! Anyhow, I am just p!ssed about the whole situation, and I need for somebody to listen and understand, or respond or whatever. Sorry I am rambling.
Replies...
draft molly	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy Ramble away... with respect to those on the board who are clean, recovering addicts... I understand your anger. Try to think of it like this... you get your just rewards. He will get the "wonder woman" and you will get "peace and life" (someday when you allow the anger to leave)... would you really prefer life with him or would you rather let him have his "just rewards"? I know when it was my ex what my preference was....
JUST CATS	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy By the way, I am rambling. I don't want to offend anyone here. I love you guys and I am so happy for a site like this, that helps people. I am glad that you are all here, recovering... I am just mad a my ex. He has truly f*cked up his life in every way possible.
ROSE NINA	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy I undrestand your pain ma. i went through something similer too. just remember everything happens for a reason. You should really thank God that he ain't in your life. You have so much to offer.Let him GO & move on. believe me i know it's hard but just let Go.
Guene	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy I'm so sorry hon, but maybe it would be better to move on and start a new life, without all this drama. I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of all the shyt going on in my life and I don't want to deal with it anymore. Take care of you for a change and start a new life without him and all his drama. Love and Hugs
Time4 Change	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy Hey! Wouldn't it be nice if we could turn our feeling off like a light switch!?! I understand where you are coming from but I don't think you'd be any happier if he ended up with a nice girl. It just plain hurts. I don't have any magic answers on how to "let go". I'm trying to learn that one myself. Love is blind and I know for me I remember the good and forget to easily the bad. I fall back into the same old rut. You're out of the rut sweet heart. You can and will move on with your life. It just takes time! If you don't mind me asking...how long have you been separated from your addict? Hope your having a better day today!!
Tn Skye	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy Knowing my husband is with someone else doesn't bother me so much. He should be with someone who does meth too. That way he doesn't have someone worried about his health and well-being. But, knowing that woman has kids who call him daddy after knowing him a few months, knowing he spends more time with them, knowing he supports them instead of his own daughter, makes me madder than I've ever been in my life. I don't know how I would feel if they had a child together. -Sorry for the kid most likely. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. I can only assume that as with many things, time will help to heal your heart. Meanwhile, you have us.
kmb 2006	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy You are dealing with two people: an addict and an adulterer. They inhabit the same body and one (the addict) may have made it easier for the other (the adulterer) to emerge, but they are two separate betrayals and you are dealing with them both at once. Cut yourself some slack. I'm with you. My addict husband is shacked up with another woman, another addict who also lost her first child because of her use, who doesn't work, etc. It might just be me, but it has been easier for me to deal with these issues separately, and one at a time. Personally, undisclosed addiction and infidelity were my two deal breakers. They were the two things I said I would NEVER put up with in my marriage. When it finally dawned on me that I was swallowing both of these betrayals and sacrificing my own long-held moral standards, I put my foot down about both. I have to be candidly honest here - the adultery, for me, hurts worse than the addiction. Maybe it's because when your love chooses a drug over you, it's like he chose an apple over and orange, but if he chooses another woman, it's like he chose another orange. And it sounds like both yours and mine chose rotten oranges over us. That just really cuts to the core. Because of this, I have chosen to deal with the adultery first. If it isn't dealt with - meaning I get over it and give up all hope of my marriage ever surviving or he throws the bytch out her her loser a$$ - I cannot deal with the addiction at all, ever. And if my marriage does by some miracle survive this, we'll have to work through both the same way. I'm at the point of deciding whether I can get past either, let alone both. Learning to trust again on both of these fronts will NOT be easy. The addiction may explain the adultery, but it does not excuse it. It's and extreme act of betrayal in and of itself, whether it happened clean and sober or not. If the adultery is what hurts most now, deal with your feelings about it first. Edited to add: Oh, and I've also wondered whether I would feel differently if he'd shacked up with a brain surgeon who has a wall full of Mommy-of-the-year awards. I highly doubt it, though I would be only slightly more willing to allow my daughter to be around her. Someone who knowingly sleeps with a married or attached man or woman gets put in the same column with other people of questionable character, in my book anyway. JMHO I hurt for you.
Braden slight	Found out my meth addict is a new daddy I am so sorry you are going through this. It kills me too know what you must be dealing with. My addict left me and the next night was moved in with another woman (also a meth addict). She was the same as what you are describing your addict with. I am so sorry. I wish there was some way to close off our feelings and move past the person we love, I have not figured out how to do this yet. I feel sorry for the child they had and you, I know it must be difficult to deal with. I have a feeling I will be in the same postition as you very soon, my addict will get a woman pregnant. I made the statement after I had our son that I didn't know how he could treat me that way I was the mother of his child and he said anyone can do that! Like it was no big deal, like getting a puppy or something! Take care of yourself.
Lisa	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy Hey Sharon, I get it. I lost the one I love to meth and he hooked up with a seventeen-year-old-girl. He was forty-two. I get it. It hurts like fuking hell. It hurts like being continually punched in the psychic stomach. I finally got to a place of forgiveness and I'm trying to get to a place where I can forget. It helps to forgive. I TRY to remember there's a reason for everything, nothing is accidental or random, and the child your bf helped to create outta this mess is here for a reason. I'm sorry.
still going crazy	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy I am so sorry. I am going through much of the same. My husband has destroyed our whole life and from what I hear around town he is staying with some chick. It hurts so badly. He swore to me when he came back from rehab that he never slept with anyone else. Then he relapsed and I booted him out again. He is hanging around all these girls. Its only a matter of time till he gets one of them pregnant. I know how you feel. I am so angry. I try and try to get past the anger but I just can't. Between the meth, the destruction of our whole life as we knew it, and other girls, I am just a wreck. I am moving on with life for me and my children because we deserve so much better. But the anger and the sick feeling in my gut is so hard. I can't wait for the day that my thoughts are not consumed with thoughts of him. I feel your pain. Hang in there, because someday we will wake up and we will notice that the sun is out and we have a bright beautyfull future. That is what I hang onto everyday. Good luck.
JUST CATS	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy Thank you for your replies. I am doing better now. I knew that she was going to have his baby, and I thought I was going to be okay, but I wasn't. It hit me like a ton of bricks! I realize I do, deserve better, than a meth addict that has been to prison, and is a cheater... When I look back at mine and Greg's relationship, I focus, on the good, and forget all of the bad. I need to concentrate on the bad. That is what he is, BAD!!!! A big part of me feels sooo sorry for that precious baby. He was born into a world, with two meth addicts as parents. I really feel for him. He is going to have such a rough life. I just want to rescue him. What it all comes down to is that he, is not the Greg that I fell in love with, and spent 8 years with. That Greg is dead and he is now the meth addict, Greg, that lies, cheats and does only God knows what for meth. He is evil. I have blocked my phone, so he cannot call from prison. All I need to do now is to block him from my heart and, my brain. He is still taking up way too much room, in my head. Thanks for being there for me! (((HUGS)))
nine years clean	Re: Found out my meth addict is a new daddy Hi. I've read only your post, so sorry if this has already been pointed out: *Quote:* or should I say our lives No, my dear. He hasn't ruined your life, only his. This is just like a speed bump in the scope of your entire life. Live and learn, sweetheart. Live and learn. He IS ruining his life, but you have no control over that, you didn't cause that, and you certainly cannot cure that. Period. *Quote:* I am so mad at myself for giving him, a meth addict, the benefit of the doubt, (over and over and over) for being loyal and loving... When you're finished being mad, make sure you learned something. NEVER give a meth addict the benefit of the doubt.