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Should I date a recovered Meth user?


Luvrose Should I date a recovered meth user?
Past: I was in a six month relationship last year (ended in November) with a meth user. Like some of you I didn't know until towards the last.

Current: Last night I went on a date with a man and he asked me about my ex. I told him he was a drug addict. He asked me his drug of choice and I told him meth. This guy admitted to me he had used meth and has been clean since Febuary 2004 (he told me the exact date and I don't remember). Also, he said it wasn't his first about with meth. He told me he changed his whole life and job profession. So far from our meeting and e-mails I do like him. However, I'm really scared to take things any farther in the future with him because of the Meth. I'm afraid he might relapse and I would have to go through the craziness which I don't want to go through again.

I need some advice on how I should handle this situation and should I take the chance? I'm so scared I want to run the other way, quickly.
     Replies...
Sfj Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
You may get quite a number of opinions on this. People often form opinions based upon experience so you can understand why there will be variation.

My opinion is that there are two things that are automatically much stronger than meth addiction. Those are:
1. Love, if it is deep serious and committed.
2. Religion, if it is spiritual, and genuine.

You know the risks:

~If you go for it you may lose everything
~If you don't, you may lose the love of your life

Not easy to quote Shakespeare on a forum like this:
"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

"There is no pain greater than unrequited love"
25 years
but no
more
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
Sure, give it a try. Just don't date a current user.
Time4
Change
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
Why not... you know the signs of meth use better then most.
Smile
Cup
cake
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
My fiance and I are both ex users and met after we both stopped using. I would hate to have missed the opprotunity to find the love of my life due to the fact the each one of us were ex users. I know I will never touch Meth again, and I trust he won't either...WE trust that we will both stay sober. Our love is deep.....we communicate on a level that has been unheard of in my past relationships, I am concerned for his spirtiual growth and want to see him smile always. I think you should go for it...but before you do so, you have to ask yourself "Can I trust him?" without the trust there will be problems....if you go for it, go for it with your all...don't do it half way.

"Love like you have never loved before, and don't let the past interfere with your future"
Scared
Angel
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
#1 - He was honest with you. He could have not said anything at all.

#2 - Sobriety is on the addicts shoulders and not yours, don't start by easing that responsibility.

#3 - Is he still working the program?

The thing that stands out most to me is that fact that he was upfront and honest about his past meth use.
That's a character trait that I do appreciate
Rachel
sue76
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
He even knew the date that he last used. That is awesome. He has done some major life changes since then also.

I think it is awesome that he was honest with you. He could have said " Oh that's too bad" and left it at that but he was honest with you.
Luvrose Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
I thanked him for being honest with me and that honest is very important. I'm still a little scared and nervous, but that's part of life. I'm going to give him a chance and see what happens, with my eyes wide open

Thanks for everyones help.
chick
peakiwi
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
hey I think taking a chance on something that feels so right is great. I did it, but with a not so happy ending..

I took a chance on my ex. We had rekindled a relationship we had from High school after 15 years of being apart.
He was living in Australia and me still in New Zealand when he first made contact with me almost a year ago.

He pursued me for 3-4 months via endless emails, daily long distance phone calls and texts. After two months of getting to know eachother again he revealed that he was using P before he left NZ.....my heart sunk, here in NZ there is a huge stigma attached to using P (meth)!

Yeah he was upfront & honest about his previous(well so he said)drug use. And me not really knowing to much about it at that time I GAVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT that he had changed for the better, he had only been in Australia for about 5 months. I remember him being quite embarassed about telling me, because he thought that I would judge him and want nothing more to do with him. He knew how I felt about drugs and the lifestyle he claimed tono longer be apart of!

We were very much in love, I visited him in the Gold Coast, spent a wonderful week together on holiday behaving like lovesick teenagers again. He decided to come back to NZ to start a whole new "fresh" start with me.
Well things started looking great, but not for long.
As time went by I started to notice that this guy (the love of my life) was not following through with everything we talked about doing together and also he was not moving forward no job, he didnt get his own place etc... This went on for months and then as time went by (he was living with me at the time) I realised there was something NOT right with how our relationship was going or with HIM.

When I think back Red flags were everywhere (constant tinkering, going out late at night, his come downs (depression), mood swings you know usual addict behaviour ). I was so blinded by everything that I never noticed that within a month of him arrving back he had picked up where he left off. He was even honest enough with me to tell me that he had been offered some but had declined and asked me how I felt about that, of course I said NO I would not be happy if he went back there! Unfortunately I learnt that most of his family and friends he was associating with were users too...argghh I couldnt believe it.

It wasnt until he didnt come home one night that I questioned why he didnt, I was livid. It was then that he told me he had a "smoke" and he didnt want to come home "fried"!!! I got myself educated about P by coming to this forum and realised I was better than this and even though I still loved him very much I knew I couldnt remain in a relationship that went against all my morals & values!

I couldnt believe that the man that had move countries to be with me the love of his life (in his words) could fall victim again to this evil the way he so easily did.

It F**ked everything for us, we didnt even get a chance! It still baffles me to this day that he took a risk with our love by picking up that pipe again. He is beside himself with grief that I have ended our relationship only after being back here for 5 months it all turned to S**t.

It upsets me that we didnt have that little fairytale ending that most people thought we would have had.
Oh well I guess you can only give people the benefit of the doubt and second chances so many times before you get burnt.
Of course everyone deserves a second chance, but I doubt or hope that I never have to repeat making this sort of compromise ever AGAIN. That's just my 50 cents worth.
le
grumps
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
I agree with what everyone here said. Former users deserve to be trusted again, when their healing and recovery has matured.

It sounds like he is on a solid foundation. If you do take things further with him, just remember chickpeakiwi's story above.

If the warning signs come back that he's relapsed, get out. It sounds like you're familiar with the insanity of staying with a tweaker - so don't make the mistake of "waiting to be sure" that he's back to his old ways.

Of course, it doesn't have to come to that. I wish you the best!
danimal
55
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
I'd be prone to assess the the relationship on what he has done, and continues to do in regards to meth recovery.
Does he use alcohol or other mind altering substances, how much and how often? any spiritual inclinations? are good questions to answer.
Many spouses have come here in total amazement that their mate had been using [and lying] to them for years.
Proceed with caution, and we'll all hope that you've BOTH found the love of your life. We do recover
chick
peakiwi
Re: Should I date a recovered meth user?
In hindsight I agree with what everyone is saying here.

Heck, I thought I was going in with my eyes wide open too,
I thought I had covered everything asking all the right questions. I think I was blinded by falling in love again..well that is my excuse.

If the proof is in the pudding that he has "changed his ways" ..not just the "words" which is all I had to base everything on then that would be the best way to make a better judgement.

My situation was quite different as our rekindled courtship was "long distance" but the doubt was always there way before he mentioned P.

I remembered what he was like at High School. We both came from the same low socio-economic background, single parent home, lived in the same neighbourhood but the difference with me was I was clean & straight. When we were kids he smoked pot and did petty crime. That was my doubt, right there...

Had he changed from that teenager I knew all those years ago?
What I learnt is that I had changed for the better, but he had not. Well with the exception that he didnt have a criminal record and he had a really good career in the auto trade as an auto sparky.

He is still the same sweet affectionate guy I fell in love with, and I know that there is still a good person in there, and that he does have some really good qualities however he is a good person with some real big problems. bummer. Such is life.

See also:

Relationships and Meth

Sex and dating in early recovery


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