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How does a closet meth addict / user get help?

lostbattle
 
How does a closet user get help?

Hello everyone, This is my first time posting. I found this site about a month ago. I get up every morning and read and i read every night before I crash. I have been doing meth on and off (mostly on) since I was 19 and I am almost 40.
I have been doing it most every day for years. I have gotten worse since I started smoking it about a year and a half ago. I have a 15 almost 16 year old daughter who I've have managed to hide it from her whole life (I did quit for 12mo. when I found out I was pregnant) I hold a job pay my bills ect. I cant let my daughter find out she would loose all respect for me. I had a talk with her on how bad it is and what is dose to people gave examples of people we know. I told I tryed when I was young and dumb way before she was born and that I would never want to try it again etc. Yes I lied, my daughter is very smart has a goal set to be a lawyer. She is going to college. I am afraid she would look at me as a hypocrite. She is very strong headed and has and I don't care what other people think attitude. I am afraid she would be so angry I lied to her that she would get an Ill show you attitude and do something stupid like trying meth just so she could say you do it... I have already messed up my life I refuse to risk messing up hers. I was a real heavy user in my younger days, I would stay up for several days not eat etc. I am not that bad now, I might stay up one night never two in a row and I eat... But I have some new problems my eyes are getting really bad fast just in the last 6 mo. I have health issues but I cant go to the doctor because then hell know i am a user plus I don't have insurance. In the last month I started getting little sores on my face ( i call them zits) I am scared. You think that would make me stop no I just use more makeup and tell every one its acne from stress. I need Help without anyone close to me knowing. Please if anyone has any advice I would gladly hear it.

     Replies...
danimal55
 
Re: How dose a closet user get help?

Welcome...about time you showed up You're being honest here, and you may want to consider being honest *everywhere*, particularly with your daughter. We're as sick as our secrets, as well as the lies that accompany them. Recovery is something to be proud of and any future lying will be a huge deficit in your recovery. Recovery is truth based, we clean up our past lies and deceptions, not create more! unlike our addictions that were contingent upon lies, deceptions, and manipulations. Your daughter has never known her real mother, maybe it's time you introduce her real mother and the truth that will set you all free from this guarded "secret". Kids aren't nearly as ignorant as we'd like to think, I'm sure she knows the truth, even if she conceals the fact. Most kids think their parents are the ignorant ones, and quite often they're right. As addicts, we're usually the last to know that "everybody" knows It isn't possible to obscure a successful recovery, a lot of pro-active steps on you part are required to get beyond this, steps that can't, and shouldn't, be hidden or lied about. The truth will set you free.... and your daughter will admire you for it, just like we are admiring you right now. The same strength and courage that brought you here will be what saves you, mix in honesty, open-minded-ness, and willing-ness, and we'll all be celebrating your freedom from meth sooner than you think.
Surrender, be here, ask, be as truthful as you can, honesty is a process too. How can you teach honesty to your daughter? keep lying to your loved ones and they may not be that "close" when you need them. Recovering from addiction IS a family affair. Why wait?


 

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