I think my husband continues to use Meth

This is my first post to this forum, although I have been reading the message boards for the past 2 weeks. I finally decided to tell my story- any advice or insight would be extremely helpful and greatly appreciated.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have had many ups and downs throughout the course of our marriage, and he moved out in February of 2004. Around September, he invited a friend to move in with him to soften the sting of living alone. This roommate, as I knew, had battled drug problems many times before. I discussed this with my husband and made clear that I did NOT want my our daughter exposed to such a lifestyle. (She would stay with him every other weekend & for one night during the week) He assured me that his buddy was clean, and allowed him to move in. I thought it was a somewhat selfish move on his part because this meant that our daughter (who was 2 at the time) no longer had her own room at his house, but I tried to keep an open mind.

As time progressed, we continued working on our relationship and decided it was time for him to move back in. (This was Feb. 2005) My husband is a salesman, and has an undeniable ability to wrap me around his pinky because I do love him & want to believe him every time he promises that things will be better. So he did come back, but I noticed a significant change in his personality within the first few months. He would stay up all night for days in a row & then sleep for exorbitant amounts of time to "compensate". He would go to the store & show up empty handed. Or he would "run into" a buddy, then come home HOURS later with one heck of a story to tell. I started to question his behavior and asked him outright if he was on drugs. He told me "No."

So now we are up to April '05. He came home from work at 6:30 one evening and went directly to bed. I decided to investigate what I could while he was sleeping and found a text message on his cell phone that said, "Call me. I could use some energy." So now I knew!

I confronted him the very next day & he admitted to "casual" crank use that began while his roommate was living with him. He cried and promised to never use again. I was furious! My first instinct was to pack his bags while he was gone... but I didn't. Our daughter's birthday was only a few weeks away & I didn't want to spoil her birthday... seems like there's always SOME excuse to let him stay. (The house is mine, so he has to be the one to go)

We argued over things for the next few weeks, and ultimately decided to go to marriage counseling. It really helped us for awhile... or so I thought. But the odd behaviors have continued. They are becoming much worse than they were in (what I THINK was) the beginning & I must admit that I accuse him of using quite often. He always denies it, of course. But he has a hearty appetite most of the time & will not eat much (if at all) when he stays up all night. He does this about 2 or 3 times a week, then sleeps for ridiculous amounts of time. A few weeks ago, he had picked at his face so terribly that he had made HUGE (quarter to half-dollar sized) marks where he claimed to have bee trying to "get zits" ALL OVER his face.

Another thing is that he is a VERY lazy person by nature. These bursts of energy ALWAYS come after he has been gone from the house, usually after coming home from a particular friend's house. We have had problems in the past with his marijuana use. He has promised that he would quit smoking many times, but has failed me over and over again. I finally threw my hands up and decided to just accept THAT part of him. But THIS is very different, and I cannot condone or accept meth use as a way of life.

This is SO hard for me because this is my second marriage. I don't want to be a 2-time loser, but I am reaching the end of my rope here. I know that the signs are all there. I also know that my gut instincts are usually right-on. But he is so good at making promises & is such a convincing liar that I sometimes wonder if he can decipher the truth from his own lies. I thought he really could just stop using when he promised... but now I don't know if it's possible.

... sounds like a repeat of my husband.

Leaving or asking him to leave would NOT make you a loser. It makes you a sane and smart person. Look after yourself and just as importantly your daughter (who cannot look after herself). She does not need to grow up with a drug user as her prime example for how to be an adult.

Stick around, keep reading, seek councelling!!!

I'm am learning so much from the wonderful people here.

You have to focus on your daughter, not your husband's lying.

You shouldn't trust him yet. I know I lied for years to hide my problem. Make him realize his loss without anger if you want I mean, you have every right to be angry but you are not a loser for knowing a bad situation and not wanting to be there.

FYI: I just found this site today and hope it can help me get my life back. Been using for 8 years though and it took that long to hit bottom.

I don't know if you've read any of my posts before, but I know exactly how you feel when it comes to a husband in denial. I find evidence all of the time of his meth use and he always has an excuse. I can't get him to even admit to it at all. I mean at all! It can make you feel crazy. I don't have children of my own to worry about, but it your case you do. So you have to think of her in this situation. I know how it feels to love someone and want to help them change and hope and pray things will be different, but they are a lot of what if's? Know what I mean? The "what if?" in the back of my mind is what stops me from leaving. It's the most confusing and hurtful things in the world. Everybody has told me to trust my gut instinct. That's my advice to you too. And try to not let his "I love you, I'm telling you the truth, Don't do this to us" persuade you into just ignoring your suspisions and pretending nothing is wrong. That's what I've done for a year and a half. It doesn't help the situation. Good luck to you and your child.

Welcome. Yes, it does sound like your husband is indeed using - and I feel for you. One thing I would consider if I were in your shoes is to ask him to submit to random drug testing. That way, you won't have to listen to all the lies. And I would be very concerned to have my little girl hang out with people using Meth.

THANK YOU to everyone who has replied to my post... it really helps me to feel like I am not alone in this.

I have been in a state of constant confusion for the better part of these past 5 months. I keep thinking that maybe I am just being too suspicious. That maybe-- just MAYBE-- he really isn't using. But too many things just don't add up! I have thought numerous times about telling him to go, but always refrain because he really doesn't have anywhere TO go or the money to get started elsewhere. Both of his parents are deceased, although I wouldn't send him to his mother's even if she was alive since she is the one who introduced him to pot when he was 12. (That was her Christmas gift to him that year... a joint!)

I always put my daughter first. He always puts himself first. I will continue visiting this board, as I hope it might help me to muster up the courage I need to leave this life behind for good. I don't know if I could EVER trust him again after all this. I hate the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E, but I'm starting to feel like I am running out of options. It is breaking my heart a little more everyday to know that I am truly powerless in this downward spiral of his.

Is it true that the Police Station keeps drug tests on hand that they will give to the public upon request? I am thinking of springing this on him just for my own peace of mind, so I can KNOW that I am making the right decision.

You can buy the drug tests at larger drugstores. Make sure you get one that specifically tests for meth. Not sure if the local police will supply them for you. I think many of us as "loved ones" of addicts are at times in as much denial as the addict themselves. We want so much for things to be sane and safe again. Just try to stick with the truth and keep learning as much as you can. Stay in the moment and take it one day at a time. Listen to the folks here who know so much more than you and I.

Quote ***It is breaking my heart a little more everyday to know that I am truly powerless in this downward spiral of his.***

Just remember, while you cannot control him or his drug use you are NOT powerless. You do control your choices, whether you ask him to leave or not. Make your choices wisely for your health and safety and that of your child!!!

I know exactly how you feel. My husband is doing it too. And tells me the same lies. I've been dealing with this for 5 years. I've been thinking of divorce, but don't really know what to do. We have a 5 year old daughter, and I would try to make things work. But I don't want my daughter to be anywhere near drugs. He always says he won't do it again, but I know he still is. He's up for a couple of days, then sleeps for days. He gets real violent when he's not on the drug. It's scarey.