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Husband, first time in jail because of meth

hstuerke First Time in Jail because of Meth
My husband was pulled over and put in jail for traffic violations and they found meth and paraphernalia on him. 30 days now and is getting out sometime this week. I get letters from him saying that he's changed and will never do this to us again. He missed the birth of our little one,  because of him being in jail. We now have 3 little girls. Can I expect him to really change and be clean or is this just the beginning?
JUSTCATS Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
I can only speak from my own experience. My ex fiancé was arrested, and finally bonded out after a few weeks (meth related). We talked about his meth use, when he got out. He looked me in the eyes and told me that he would never do that evil sh*t again... Agreed with me on everything, regarding meth...

Well, he was re-arrested around a month later for meth. I heard through the grapevine, that he was into it worse than ever. He had seizures from his meth use... He basically gave up his life for meth- violated felony probation and went to prison for the next six years.

Educate yourself on meth. I never knew anything about it. I had no idea he was on it. The first lesson, that you will learn is that meth addicts, LIE, LIE, LIE. NOTHING, will come between an addict and getting high.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I hope that he stays off of the devil's drug and cherishes his family.

imlostinky Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
No one can answer that question- not even your husband.
There are no guarantees in life.
What you can do is don't expect.
Just don't.
Take each day one day at a time as it comes. Encourage your husband to seek counseling , treatment - but understand it will be up to him to fix him.
I personally am shocked he is getting out. In the state of Kentucky ANY meth possession is a felony charge- even a burnt foil or empty baggie.
He got lucky. Let's hope he learns before it's too late.

car Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
Welcome h. As lostinky said, no one can know for sure. I was with my husband for over 12 years thinking that today would be the day he would quit, and that day never came.

I asked two things of my husband:
1. That he go to rehab or work some other kind of program
2. That we go to marriage counseling

If he has changed, you will see it. Believe what you see and not what you hear.

Keep coming here and learning. Empower yourself with knowledge before he comes home. Learn how to protect yourself by caring for yourself.

vlussi Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
Most people need to hit rock bottom.  Hopefully he has. It is different for everyone. When I decided to stop it was due to my x-husband surving me with a restraining order for him and my 7 year old son. In the beginning I stopped for my son, and now I'm happy to say I have stopped for me.

hstuerke Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
On for a long time but not with Meth (as far as I know). First with pain pills, Vicodin. We've struggled with it for a long time and shortly after our second was born I told him that he had to go get help or we were leaving. So, we got him in to an inpatient detox center that worked only off of donations so it was free for us to put him in there. He came out, 2 weeks later, clean and happy...I thought. We moved to Utah to be closer to his family...I didn't know that this was "The Meth Capitol of the U.S." I slowly started seeing the "pill" patterns again. Couldn't keep a job, money disappearing, taking money from my purse and not telling me, being gone for hours on end, staying up late, "tweeking" on weird stuff...I thought, great...here we go again. I thought the pills were back...I never thought Meth, cause I was never around it and have never used it. Heck, I didn't even really know about it until all of this. He got caught with it, thank God. I'm happy he did. He tells me, in letters, that he's changed, feeling good, happy, gaining weight...etc and he wont ever touch it again. I went and saw him at the jail about a week ago and he looked great. I want to believe him but have heard that song and dance before. I'm hoping there 30 days will be good as any detox center and that he'll come out and we can start to be happy, if not for me, for his beautiful, innocent little girls that adore him to pieces. He got 30 days and his 30 days is up on the 14th but he can only get out with bail. His next court date is on 7/18 and if he doesn't have a job, proving he has a job and taking a drug test every week before 7/18 the judge is putting him away for 6 months to a year in PRISON! So, his brother is bailing him out so he can do all this before his next court date. Maybe prison in his face will keep him away from it. You would think that his family would be reason enough but I don't understand addiction, but that's me.
Maybe it was never just pills, maybe it was a combo of things, maybe this isn't the first time for meth with him...I'll never know. All I know is what I have now. I told him this is it...if he does this to us anymore, hurts us anymore, if I think for ONE SECOND that he's going to hurt our family anymore I'll bring the cops to him and he can go to prison cause I'm done.

hstuerke Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
Oh, we've hit rock bottom, plenty of times. If he does this again, that's what's next...a restraining order. He's a great father to his girls (Sierra 3-1/2, Hailey 17 months and Abigail 12 days - whom he hasn't met yet) and I know that a restraining order would devastate him but it breaks my heart that he keeps doing this to them, most of all. Sierra cries almost every night and says she misses her daddy, where's her daddy...my heart breaks and I get INFURIATED! I could never do to them what he's done to us, never. How can you tell someone you love them and then continue to hurt them. How can you look at your beautiful children and say that they are your life and then destroy their life and your own?...I don't get it. I'm thankful I found this forum. I think it will be great therapy for me and him when he gets out. I want for him to join this too and talk to people so he can relate.

TnSkye Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
Recovering from this drug is different. It is a daily, conscious choice, sometimes over and over in a day, for them to not use. He is not going to come home from jail and just 'be over it.'

It DOES happen. There are some addicts who quit and stay quit on their own, but this very seldom happens and even some of those end up going to meetings and/or coming here.

He isn't choosing meth over his family. Like I told my mother the other day, at this point, it's for survival. It's like a demon sitting on their shoulders telling them that they have to have it to feel good.

When my husband isn't using, he is moody, angry, has pity parties, sleeps, isn't motivated to get out of bed. When he uses, he can get out of bed and get things done. Only when he's using can he laugh and have a good time.

hstuerke Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
Same thing with mine. If he's not on he's sleeping, moody, unbearable to be around and scary, if he is, he's up doing "stuff" and happy go lucky.
I'm very thankful for this forum. It's going to help me a lot, I can already tell. I'm not alone anymore.

Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
the REAL HIM loves YOU, and his child.
......................the OTHER him loves METH.

depending on how long he used, with determine the odds of him winning the power struggle against his addicted self.

if he's been at it a long time...
....chances are, he'll take as much reality as he can stand
and return.

all you can do is apply the least amount of pressure as possible to him until he stabilizes.
...don't loose your cool, or he will follow.

..I know people who quit for their kids, and won the fight.

Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
My husband did 4 months in a state facility and said all the same thing. He was done, never again, blah, blah, blah. One week later he says he wants to just smoke "one bowl" I told him that there is no way you can stop after that, you will just say that the next time, and the next, etc....

I was right. He got put in a treatment place Jan. 25th for not complying with a requirement of his release. It was this or 5 years they told him. Even though we had both quit around New Year's Eve, he wanted to do it one more time before he went in. So we did.
Now he gets out next Tuesday and has been saying "never again" I told him that this time it is his last chance!! I want nothing more to do with that life.

Any time I feel weak I just remember all of my friends that were indicted and got 20, 17 1/2, 12, etc.. years in federal prison and I am O.K.
scaredma Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
So sorry about your husband and congratulations on your new baby. . I will be praying for you and your family.

Hstuerke Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
Thank you all for your comments/support. You are helping me more than you'll ever know and hopefully this will help my husband too. I'd do anything to keep our family together and this is our last chance at things, so I'm gonna do it differently this time around. I'm going to be more supportive, not resentful. Hopefully it will help more than lecturing and fighting, in fact I know it will b/c those things just makes things worse, I'm learning. Sometimes you just don't know what to do, you feel helpless. You don't understand. But I'm trying to understand, that's why I'm here and going to try to make things work this time around. The last thing I want is for my little girls to be without their father in their life. I know how that is, mine wasn't there and is just now beginning to be in my life. BUT if he goes back to this then that's the way it's going to have to be. I wont put our girls through this anymore.

gadreamm Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
I read your post. I can relate. My husband is in such a good mood when he is on meth. Works hard, enjoys life, social, and we all enjoy him. When is is coming down he is in a bad mood, sleepy, and starts an argument with everyone.
I think he has lost his "real" personality.
I hate this drug. I think it will eventually break up our family.

Re: First Time in Jail because of Meth
Hello sweetheart. Forgive me. I've misplaced my glasses and I'm typing with blurry eyes.


My husband was pulled over and put in jail for traffic violations and they found meth and paraphernalia on him. He's been in for about 30 days now and is getting out sometime this week. I get letters from him saying that he's changed and will never do this to us again. He missed the birth of our little one, Abigail because of him being in jail. We now have 3 little girls. Can I expect him to really change and be clean or is this just the beginning?

Let me tell you one thing right up front: addicts put their next high before anything else in their lives. To expect someone who's been locked up and clean for 30 days, with other addicts to feed their mental and emotional addiction, is expecting way too much.

Especially with the history involved prior to this incident.

My best and humble advice is this: he needs to live in a sober living house for as long as it takes for YOU to feel good and warm and wonderful about him coming back into the family home.

See also:

Should I get my husband out of jail?

What do you tell a meth addict in jail?

What do you tell the kids when boyfriend goes to jail for meth?

I left my husband and his meth abuse, any advice?

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