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Should I have left my meth addict alone?


Broken
InFL
Should I have left my meth addict alone?
I need some advice. I'm having second thoughts on something I did and advice on what to do if he responds back.

I posted a couple of times about my ex who is sadly addicted to meth. I had no choice but to put him out, he's totally out of control. Since putting him out, things have gotten really bad for him. Currently he is living with another addict, dating some addict, and pretty much cut-off contact with everyone who is not an addict, including his family. Last I heard he was mowing yards for money but obviously not working too much because he hasn't even be able to pay his $40 per month storage fee. He didn't show up for his only sibilings high-school graduation and refusing to take calls from his mom.

I heard through the grapevine ex got hurt. Messed up his back and foot. Now the story has probably been embellished by the time it reached me, but I heard it was pretty severe and he may not ever regain full use of his foot.

Ex put me through a lot of crap before I ended it. When I did, he got pretty nasty with me. I guess I'm never going to understand why he can't get it together and stop doing that sh!t. However, while I'm a firm believer in karma, I still couldn't help but feel bad.

So after months of not talking, I sent him an email that said something to the effect of, "Hey, your last paycheck was sent here. I sent it to your mom's house. But the reason I was writing was because I heard you got hurt pretty bad. Of course by the time the story made it to me through the grapevine, it's been made to sound pretty severe. But if it's true, I hope you are okay."

I thought the email was pretty straight to the point, not requiring an answer. But when I told my friend about it, she got very nervous for me and said it was going to open up communication again.

Did I do the right thing? Who knows if he'll even read it or not. I know he's mad at me that I ended it and believe me it REALLY HURT to do it. But as mad and hurt as I am, I still don't want to hear he was physically hurt. Would you guys have done the same thing? How should I handle it if does email back. I don't want to be nasty but he can't be back in my life.
     Replies...
queen
b92
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
I think what you did was fine. He needs to know that he does have people who care about him that aren't addicts. The only thing you have to remember is when he is ready he wll clean up. But is has to be him that wants it not anyone else. BE HIS FRIEND
angie
Ncali
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
Stand your ground- If you believe your strong enough heart and mind - to not go back - then I am sure sending it is fine.

And what's Done is done.

He can only get back in - if you let him.
sierra
nights
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
You know, I can't see where it could possibly be wrong to show concern for someone that was a big part of your life. He is an addict, yes, he needs help, but he is still a human being. Might be good for him to know someone cares about him. Don't mean you want to be with him just because you care. 

If he e-mails back or tries to communicate, ignore him.
Broken
InFL
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
Thank you, because that's how I felt. I don't want him back, I don't want to reopen communication, but how could I hear something like that and not email someone I used to love and express my hope that he's okay.

My friend didn't see it like that. She thought I was trying to start contact with him again. It wasn't that. I just hope he was okay, which of course, he's not okay. He's sinking deeper and deeper. I keep hoping against hope he's going to realize it one day, because unlike the other meth addicts that used to be around, the ex knows and admits he has a problem. I asked him to leave before, he came home and tried to get clean. Said he knew if he failed his life was over.

It lasted two weeks. One night, he just never came home so I packed his stuff and that was that. There was a picture posted of him on MySpace. He's only been gone since mid-January but he didn't even look like the same person. Blotchy, sweating, eyes totally not focused. It really hurts to see someone like that and not be able to do anything for him. But the only way for me to stay away from the tina, is to stay away from him.

I'm probably worrying for nothing. I doubt he'll show up. He hates me, he hates the fact that I could just stop like I did while he couldn't. But it never did for me what it did to him. I never got a happy high. All it did was keep me up. Fine if I needed to get something done but I didn't have the desire to stay up days and days on end like he did. I couldn't anyway, no matter how much I did, but 2 1/2 days in, I was done, my body made me sleep.

I remember when he came to get the last of his stuff, around mid-March. He kept trying to offer it too me but I wouldn't take it. I said something like I haven't touched it since December and I have no desire to ever touch it again. The look he gave me made me skin crawl. That's when he got really nasty with me and that was the last we talked.
molly
sleep
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
I have a brother that's into meth. I have always said I will be here for you. But not use my home as a motel. He is gone again,when and if he shows up I will tell him I love him and care about him Just maybe he will know he,s loved no matter what.
Was
Tweaked
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
Follow your heart but ALWAYS listen to your gut.
You were true to your spirit, do not feel bad for that.
forget
suzette
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
I think you are a nice person.

....You can be a nice person and still stand firmly by your convictions.

you don't have to be angry, to have your personal boundies
understood.
....you can be friendly, and not want meth in your home.

I think you did the right thing.

....I don't think he'll be a problem for you if he's
that deep in the darkside.

he does'nt even know how bad it is, if it's gone that far.

I know, I lived it.
....he won't try to live with you again.
or mess with you.

if he does...
...just say no.

and smile.
Crystal
Clear
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
I have been faced with similar dilemas .... it's hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes.

I let the ex go in October 2005, heard things through the grapevine, felt bad, e-mailed him ... started speaking again, which lead to seeing him once, five months later. In spite of his claims, he was still using.

I cut contact again, and when I did I sent an e-mail, which essencially called him out. I'm sure he hates me too. That is OK, cuz' sometimes you just have to BE THAT FRIEND. Who else in his life now REALLY IS?
JUST
CATS
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
I am with everybody else on this one: Letting him know, that you care is kind, and he is human and needs kindness... However, stick to your guns about everything else.

I was in a similar position as you are, and tried to help my meth addicted exfiance, get back on his feet. He lied and lied and lied, and used every bit of kindness and bit me in the a$$ and, still kept using...

He is currently in prison, and really could use a friend right now, but he continues, with the games. I don't know if he is trying to "scam me" for money for meth or if his mind is not working properly, since his heavy meth usage- but I have had enough, and blocked him from calling from the prison. I had to. It was slowly killing me.

Please do not learn the hard way, as I have. A meth addict will lie, lie. lie, and use you to get their #1 priority- meth.
Kell
happy
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
I was struck by what you said about the look he gave you when you said you had no desire to ever touch meth again. Like you'd just taken a sh*t all over his god, was what I thought. Thank god it sounds like meth didn't get its claws into you like that. But that's how he feels about it, whether he can admit it or not right now.

Knowing you care, and being able to remember that someday, may help him when and if he can get out of the denial. I agree with the others, kindness is not a problem, but you stick to your convictions and keep yourself and your own life safe and sane.
Broken
InFL
Re: Should I have left my meth addict alone?
**I was struck by what you said about the look he gave you when you said you had no desire to ever touch meth again. Like you'd just taken a sh*t all over his god**

Exactly, I had never seen him look like that at me. Meth to me was something to pick me when I came home to the house being a mess or a way to control my weight. He was being so nice right up until that point. I put back most of the weight I lost when I quit. I'm trying to get it back off the healthy way, eating good, working out, but of course it's not coming off nearly as fast.

He took that opportunity to tell me the reason he never came home from work was because he was never physically attracted to me. When I asked him why he came back and tried to get clean then instead of staying gone, he told me it was because he thought HE could change ME. Hmmm, yeah, I see. Sorry to disappoint him by not letting him turn me into a meth-addicted loser.

See also:

Relationships and Meth


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