kiss
ashlyn |
Clean of meth or not - how can you tell?
I am curious to know how to tell if someone is clean or just
acting like they are clean. Maybe he just learned how to
"manage" his use? He used to inject and smoke.
He is working full time, gained his weight back, he's going to
NA and overall seems sane. He's still selfish and thinking about
himself (meaning he expects other people to do what works best
for him not considering what may be best for someone else-he
doesn't concern himself with inconveniencing other people) and
he's sometimes vengeful and will do things just to make my life
more difficult. I wonder if he is sincere or just being
manipulative. |
Replies... |
vctry |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
How long has he been
clean? |
kiss
ashlyn
|
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
clean for about 2 months |
vctry7 |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That sounds about normal.
I was crazy for about a year after I quit. My husband was a
total jerk, and I do mean a complete total jerk. We were both
almost as bad as when we were using. A lot of family members
didn't believe we were clean. I thought it would never get
better. |
scorpio |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Have you heard of Alanon?
Its a 12 step program for the loved ones of the addict. Check it
out. |
kiss
ashlyn |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That's a very good idea Scorpio!
The effects of this drug are so overwhelming for anyone involved
in the addicts life. |
Rachel
sue76 |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Quote:
He's still selfish and thinking about
himself (meaning he expects other people to do what works
best for him not considering what may be best for someone
else-he doesn't concern himself with inconveniencing other
people) and he's sometimes vengeful and will do things just
to make my life more difficult. I wonder if he is sincere or
just being manipulative.
That selfishness is not always cause by
meth use. Was he selfish before the meth use? If yes then
chances are that he is just selfish. Some people are just that
way. |
Scared
Angel |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I have to agree with
RachelSue.
Quote:
He's still selfish and thinking about
himself (meaning he expects other people to do what works
best for him not considering what may be best for someone
else-he doesn't concern himself with inconveniencing other
people) and he's sometimes vengeful and will do things just
to make my life more difficult. I wonder if he is sincere or
just being manipulative.
This sounds more like a personality trait,
than a meth situation during early recovery.
Although....I had severe anger issues, short tempered, and just
felt pi**ed off even if nothing was wrong, during my first 6
months of recovery.
Like rachel asked....was he like this before his meth use? |
kiss
ashlyn |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
He was quite the opposite
before his use. Very giving, thoughtful and responsible. He
would help anyone who needed it and didn't expect anything in
return. |
Kell
happy |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Two months is not very
long. I know it can be tough to give the benefit of the doubt.
Hopefully, if he continues to DO everything he should be doing
clean, and not just SAYING he's clean, it might be easier to
believe. Actions are what speak.
I think a certain element of selfishness might be necessary for
him right now. If he is clean, he is probably really
uncomfortable. He is used to being high. That is a very selfish
life. I was only concerned about getting and staying high when I
used. It was me, me, me. How am I going to get what I need, when
I need it. Now, he is concerned with how am I going to stay
sober. How will I get to a meeting. How will I make it through
this day clean. Hopefully, in time things will balance out. Bad
habits and behaviors he's learned can be unlearned. Focus can be
changed.
I think the Alanon or Naranon is a good idea, too. It can be
really good for a loved one to have their own meeting. It could
be really helpful to you. Please don't forget that the most
important thing for you to do is take care of yourself the best
you possibly can. I'm glad you posted. |
Rachel
sue76 |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Quote:
He was quite the opposite before his
use. Very giving, thoughtful and responsible. He would help
anyone who needed it and didn't expect anything in return.
You know as loved ones when the people
that we love are using, we seem to think that "If only" they
would quit using then life would be good again. What we often
unintentionally ignore are the things that we read from other
people that are in recovery. We tend to think that if the using
is gone all the problems will be too. But recovery brings it's
own set of problems with it.
You are expecting him to be the same man that he was before he
started using and it is not going to happen. Just as you have
been changed by his meth use, so has he. And do you really want
him to go back to that same man that thought that meth was an
acceptable answer to the problems in his life?
Some things may change and some may not. He may become less
selfish the longer he is in recovery. He may not. |
Indiana
shedevil |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I totally agree with
Rachelsue..
I had the same experience with my ex. In the beginning of the
relationship he was kind compassionate caring and giving. That
didn't last for very long.
He proved how selfish he was. He was still that way in
"recovery".
Now it seems that he projects that he is a better person and
that he isn't selfish. But the truth is that he is a wolf in
sheep's clothing.
It was very ironic reading the post about the pathological liars
and this post about selfishness... Especially since I ran across
the information on Narcissism.
Some people have more issues than just addiction. |
luve
piphany |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I know shedevil, doesn't
it just make ya wonder, "which came first, the chicken or the
egg?"
Awww who cares today?? oh yeah, I still do But, tomorrow,
tomorrow, I am going to do something fun! I'm not going to
wonder anything except whether or not I can do something to make
myself a little more joyful! |
Indiana
shedevil |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Luve...
Did you read this part...
Quote:
But the question who did what to whom
(and even why) is irrelevant. What is relevant is to stop
mourning oneself, start smiling again and love in a less
subservient, hopeless, and pain-inflicting manner.
I found it in one of the sections from the
link that you provided...
Sweetie... It is time to make today a good day. Don't put off
til tomorrow what you can do today! |
luve
piphany |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Oh, it's a great day!!
I'm just a still wondering a little-I admit it. I wouldn't be
here if I wasn't wondering. How about, awww who cares!!! This
evening I'm going to make a wonderful dinner for my 12 year old
and I and maybe go to an NA meeting and be JOYFUL and thankful
that I'm not a meth addict!?
See, I am working joy into my recovery along with seeking
knowledge and wisdom and peace....a few hours at a time. The
hard stuff is healing but more often now, I am going to try to
take a break and just have fun-forget for just a few hours then
a few more but I don't think I can ever stop wondering
completely.
I still don't get much of the regular stuff done, but that's
going to have to be ok.
My message is trying to say that it's ok to quit wondering about
those hard things in our lives-yes, right now, today---you are
right-not tomorrow-RIGHT NOW (but I'd miss ya'll) |
Indiana
shedevil |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That's the ticket!
Yeah, I have moments, too. But I look at the positive...
The moments are fewer and farther between.
The moments aren't paralyzing anymore.
The moments are being replaced with better things.
Enjoy dinner and your evening!!! |
SOS
1988 |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I used to be a really
nice guy, and still generally am I nice person but I won't give
without expecting back or won't give unless I deem the person
worth it. Meth has made me meaner and more bitter and I don't
think that will ever go away, I see the trash in people and it
disgusts me. I wont be as nice as I could have been and (in my
humble opinion) he won't be either. |
guest
who |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
kissmyashlyn you said,
Quote:
He was quite the opposite before his
use. Very giving, thoughtful and responsible. He would help
anyone who needed it and didn't expect anything in return.
How long was he like this? Be really
honest with yourself because, ultimately, it is only going to
effect you. Perhaps, he was being all those positive attributes
you stated because he wanted something ( panties to drop,
companionship, etc. .)
If this was the case, maybe he is being more of his true self
now and when he was using. In a perfect world, when people are
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and addiction is involved, we give them
the benefit of the doubt that they were Dr. Jekyll.
The cold hard truth this may be Mr. Hyde. This change might have
nothing to do with his addiction. He may continue being a prick
for the rest of his life.
Addiction may mask the truth after it is long gone. Follow your
heart, ask it. |
Indiana
shedevil |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That was an honest to goodness brutal and very much needed wake
up call... |
luve
piphany |
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Guestwho, do men want
companionship? I have forgotten about those kind. Are they
really out there? Oh, and your little panties drop line...well,
ya know that's a trigger for sex addicts....
Wonderful response all in all. I need to ask myself those honest
hard questions every day. I can't answer them completely yet,
but it's important for healing to ask. |