KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Still blame them for introducing you to Meth?

starryeyed	Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? I am wondering if any of you still blame/have feelings about the person who introduced you to meth? Maybe some of you introduced yourself to it but I'll bet some of you have a specific person who got you started on meth and you did meth regularly with. I don't have a lot of feelings toward that person. I used to. The strongest feeling I have toward them is a VERY strong desire to avoid ever seeing them again. I still occasionally have dreams about the person, usually weird dreams where we are using again. Hearing about the person and what they are doing still causes me a considerable amount of anxiety because sometimes I would like to think that they have disappeared off the face of the earth. No such luck. The key to my sobriety was pretty simple. Just completely avoid and leave the person who was supplying it the whole time. I was the dumbest 19 year old girl in the whole world.
Replies...
chrisgonz	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? I still have anger towards the person who gave me my first dose of dope. I'd never even done a line of coke, seen it, but never touched it. Dude gave me a speedball. Heroin/coke. I should have known better, but let him do it. I also think that's where I got HepC. So with mostly the illness, yea... I haven't been able to let go of the anger I feel towards him. interesting post.
danimal55	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? No, in fact I delivered him to rehab [his 4th] nearly 2 years ago. He has lost his wife and 5 children to meth addiction, he's not going to lose me too. I chose meth, if it wasn't him it would have been the next addict that helped me with my choice.
vicky dammit	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? My main feelings about him are regret, and relief. Regret that he's still there, and relief that I am not. I will always love him, but I hated watching him decline, so I am thankful that I don't have to. I would probably accept him into my life again, if I thought he was making a genuine effort, but not as long as the only people I love more, my kids, are in the line of fire. Great question, Starry, really made me think.
kell	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? *Quote:* I am wondering if any of you still blame/have feelings about the person who introduced you to meth? Not at all...never did! It was a choice one that I chose to make. Nobody held a gun to my head. Part of true recovery is taking responsibility for ones actions!
Nyte Passion	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? Nope .. not in the least ... I didn't have to reach out and take it .. but I did .. Nobody's fault, but my own. I went through more steps to use it .. then they did in offering it ...
no more mething around	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? Sorry, but yeah, I have not so great feelings about the person who introduced me. She kept pushing me, really pushing me to do it. I'm more mad at myself for ever trying it, though. Had a dream about her the other night. She had a bag of multi colored chunks in a flat, plastic bag. They looked like those dishwasher chunks of soap. I had a dream that we were in a huge field of flowers, hugging, rolling around in the sun, laughing. I just want to know why this girl is in most of my using dreams when I haven't seen or spoken to her since 1997.
starryeyed	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? Chris, reading your post makes me angry at him too. Why do people do shyt like that.....it's an all too familiar scene for many of us. Who would want to introduce someone to a needle.....<<<<shudder>>>>
starryeyed	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? danimal, and that's the way a lot of people think about it. That it was a conscious decision on their part and they would have found it somewhere somehow. I know that no one held a gun to my head and that I could have said no at any time but I still feel that there were other factors involved.
Nyte Passion	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? *Quote:* Who would want to introduce someone to a needle a junkie (misery loves company)
starryeyed	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? vickydammit, sorry for being ignorant to your situation, but is he the father of your kids or ex-husband/husband or boyfriend? kell, I completely agree with you. I was not forced into taking meth. Coerced, maybe. Have I since learned that I am solely responsible for all of my actions, regardless? Yes, I firmly believe that. Passion, I do agree that I am not a victim and it was my decision to make but the person offering went WAY out of their way to offer it, kind of the reverse of what you said.
vicky dammit	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? Hey Starry, he is my ex-boyfriend, my only marriage ended in '98 when he was killed in a car crash. I would have a very hard time denying my kids their Dad no matter what he did, I think. He does have kids of his own, and I can only imagine the pain they must feel right now. I was close to them, but seeing me is too painful for his ex-wife, so I have cut ties. But, as much as this might hurt the fellow I am seeing now if he were to read this, he is the only man besides my husband that I ever really loved. And, that just shows my foolishness, because they were nothing alike. But, love is blind, huh? My story is over on the other forum, but I really need to go update, lots has happened since then. Thanks again for this thread, it has set me to thinking in a more positive manner.
starryeyed	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? no more mething around, I'd like to know, too. My dreams are weirdish like yours and I haven't talked to/seen person since 2001. The dreams used to be really disturbing and now not so much but I'd still like to stop having them. I can see how you'd have bad feelings toward someone who really pushed you to do it. That is the source of negative feelings I still had. Yes I know it wasn't as drastic as having a gun held to my head but Charlie Manson didn't hold a gun to the heads of the people he told to go commit murder. He merely 'convinced' them. Sorry to use such a dumb analogy, but my point is you can get in trouble legally, anyways, for convincing someone else to commit a crime. Not that I really understand that, either. Why didn't they just refuse? Maybe some people consider it to be more complicated than that. Like I said, I was a very dumb 19 year old. I have since learned that regardless of how much someone imposes their will upon you, YOU will still have to be the one to face the consequences of your own bad behavior.
evewuz framed69	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? Your feedback is strongly desired. I understand that I had the ability to say no @ first, but my Maker made it a complete package deal. he put such a line of shyt on me that I thought he was the most open minded person of the opposite sex, & it turns out what he told me about himself was about the exact opposite of what really happened in his life (according to the stories he told my ex.) At first he said that he just wanted everyone to have a good time & gave freely...until I obviously became addicted. Then he said that the shyt isn't free anymore and completely flipped & showed the true side of himself, demanding sex & wanting to play pimp. If he had kept up the act instead of showing his true colors I might've actually gone along with it (the sex with him) because I thought he was the best friend I'd had in a long time, despite the meth. I really trusted him, and that's what hurts. I don't blame him for my addiction, which began on the 1st hit. Sometimes I still dream about him, like we had some type of relationship that I don't recall. There's a lot I don't recall from that bender and I have a hard time dealing with it. kevin didn't get busted for manufacturing. He's now in jail for whipping his girlfriend with a belt so badly that she had to go to the ER. The law found an outstanding warrant for bank robbery in TX so he'll be shipped out of state. It'll be a long time before he hurts/ hypes another female. I actually have thought about going to see him, to confront him. A part of me misses him as a person, the person I first thought him to be: a friend. I've spent so long being scared of him just because of that one day when he flipped. I thought he'd hunt me down and rape me; perhaps that was just paranoia, but it lingered until I found out about his incarceration. It was kind of like an Anne Rice sort of thing, like he bit me and I'd never be the same. That and for the obvious reason I call Kevin my Maker (or Mr. Wizard.) Well Mr. Wizard, flip it and flip OZ because I'm not going back to active meth addiction!
vicky dammit	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? I get you, Eve, and I guess I do blame him somewhat for lying to me in the first place, but not really for picking up.... I did that, even after my gut told me not to. The one thing I really can't get over, as far as blame goes, is that he told me things were over between him and his ex-wife, while he was leading her to believe there was still a chance. I feel really guilty about that. My daughter has a question for you, can I let her PM you when she gets home from work?
starryeyed	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? eve, our stories are similar in that I was also fed an absolutely incredible amount of @#%$ that I quite stupidly and innocently went for hook, line, and sinker. I also see the Anne Rice connection all over in that world. I have also felt like Claudia (as corny and over romanticized as it sounds because there is nothing glamorous or romantic about drug addiction, even if it seemed that way at the time) from IWV because there are some similarities there.
Naiev Newlywed	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? Hubby introduced me to meth. I hate him for that. He hates himself for it.
starryeyed	Re: Do you still blame them for introducing you to Meth? It's a good thing he has a conscience. Person who intro'd me didn't see anything wrong with getting me and lots of others started on it.