KCI The Anti_Meth Site

The Meth Diet

forget
suzette

The Meth Diet

This is an interview I did for a UK magazine that came to KCI.org and asked speedfreaks to complete.

I'm writing a magazine report on meth use for weight loss in the USA and I understand that people want to remain anonymous so I thought this might be a good way to research it. I have 12 questions and I'd be so grateful if you could answer them for me. Kindest regards and thank you for your time.

1. What age did you first use? 17
2. Why did you think it would help you lose weight? I just did it because I was raised in the 70's and drugs weren't known yet to be devastating, I had a lot of gay friends, they told me I should try it. (1983) I used on and off my whole life
I actually quit 6 years before my last relapse. I returned to meth for weight and ADHD issues.
3. What was your weight before and after use? Timescale of that? I'll give you the easiest timescale I can, If you do speed and you are smart you force food to not get malnutrition. I would drink soup, sports shakes, yogurt, and take vitamins. so...on a year relapse...lets use 2003 I started at 185lbs in March, by
April - 165
May - 155
June - 145
July - 140
came home quit using I went from 140 to 170 in three weeks...I kid you not.
...........the weight comes back fast.
4.How much did you use? Where did you get it from?
I started at a quarter gram.. I ate it in capsule first, snorted it, smoked toward the end and then all three. my tolerance rose to a gram a day in two months....then I lost count..........I got it from the devil. heh! heh!
5. How did it make you feel?
at first very organized and happy, creative, sexy, manic, empowered, invincible, unstoppable...it has a false sense of well being. and I actually found I have ADHD, so I would have PLANS when I got it...to organize, clean or draw,
do art stuff....etc. then when you stay awake for one day (24 hours), not as organized and creative, more obsessive-compulsive.
like re-arranging a table for 10 hours or some weird thing.
.....when you are awake 3 days....
you start hallucinating and getting auditory hallucinations.
whispers, glimpses of things, flashes of something....you get really crazy, clinically psychotic...
I was pretty strong mentally but I knew people that already had
personality disorders...like paranoia or internal rage that REALLY got weird...thinking people or things were after them, believing the whispers were real, picking at their faces.
6. Did it affect your life?
It took away EVERYTHING I've ever cared about and turned me into a different person, throwing my own personal values aside,
like honestly, patience, time, being on time, feeling real love,
just love for meth was what I had..
7. Did you lose weight? Did you like the way you looked?
Yeah baby! I lost weight alright.....and I thought I was dead sexy too. I was, and I am still... but, I noticed my circulation going wrong. blood pressure once was 175 over 95 so I got blood pressure pills and continued
use, I knew it was killing me but I loved it sooo much. I loved being thin, and kept going. and then my hands started looking old first, then, I noticed my skin hanging from dehydration and rapid weight loss, I had dark circles under my eyes, my skin looked bad. I went threw a lot of phases with side effects and meth. first fever blisters, then my voice would go away, hives, bruising easily, translucent, motor cortex retardation, cutting my hair like Rod Stewarts every time, (that's one way my friends knew it every time,... my hair!) malnutrition, dehydration, dreams of paralysis I couldn't wake up from ...freaky.
then the breaker box effect, like if you flipped one off and back on...I'd mentally fall into a shutting down thing. then click back on before I passed out...wide awake. I got "spinning energy " what I called it anyway.....
If you look into a bright light then close your eyes you get an impression of the light......burning sort of right? well spin that, like spinning light.
then add being awake, and seeing it when I would stare at a person or wall...
I could see thru it, at least it was clear, but this went on for a month while I was recovering once. I looked older because of , dehydration, lack of sleep,
malnutrition. A great comparison, is people in Nazi concentration camps.
I could wear make up, but my body, mind and complexion were not good.
8.When did you realize it was a problem?
see above^*smiles*
9. When did you decide you had to stop and how did you stop, if so?
I stopped several times, this last time I lost everything,
I wished I was in a padded cell so I would not have to look for anything else that day. I am ADHD and it multiplied. I couldn't pay attention to my own thoughts, I couldn't find anything, I lost credit cards, my phone book I had 20 years, my family photos, and my parents baby pics.
.................how did I quit doing it?
I went insane and lost the ability to hold a job to buy more, or a place to live and I was facing some horrible alternatives, but the demon howled anyway.
I still went home instead of having sex with someone for money.....
I just COULDN'T DO IT...It was all I had left to sell..........but I defiantly lost everything else. then when I came down I was so depressed, and felt like
dying, just numb, I can't live without it I thought, I wanted to die using cause I couldn't live without it. I was thin...yes.
10. How is your weight now?
........ya mean my burdens? still quite heavy!
My weight *drum roll* is 169...ok 170! *smiles*
...........but 140 was skinny as a rail for my build.
I'd be happy at 155-160
11. Do you think young women do use crystal meth as a weight loss option?
oh yes.
12. What would your advice be to them?
as the weight goes down, so does your sanity.
it made me greedy, and a liar...too things I'm really not at heart. I can only say, you have to do meth to know how bad it is, but by then it's too late. you wish you could cut that part out of your brain, it's like it makes a part of your brain, rotten. like a bad person lives in us all that forever, and it's a demon trying to get out all the time. but we can't give in, but we want to throw away reality and go there, but we can't escape reality, that's insanity.
AND
you will blow up like someone out an air hose up your buttwhen it's over.

ladyof
sunshine

Re: The Meth Diet

Suz, I'm always interested in trying to get insight into how/what meth addicts think/feel so I can perhaps relate the input to my daughter. I found your interview to be very interesting.