KCI The Anti_Meth Site

What is worst? Meth addicted husband or him living with girlfriend?

Kel01	What is worst? Meth addicted husband or him living with girlfriend? Hi i have been lurking on this board for the past year and it has helped me in so many ways. I have just one question though its got to do with my husband who is the meth addict. When i found out about his addiction, he confess told me everything i kicked him out cause alarm bells went off in my mind. I thought then that it would open his eyes just to discover that he moved in with a meth addict and that they have been seeing each other for months and i had no idea. After a year they are still together and i must admit that its still hurts. He does not show any interest in our children does not even pay child support but he is enjoying himself and play daddy to her daughter. He has been unemployed for the past year and says that i earn enough so i can take care of our sons. Well i guess what i am trying to say is i dont know what is actually hurting more the fact that he is an addict or that he is still with her, i thought that it was because of the drugs but i guess that it is more its love and i must just get used to it. I would really appreciate it if someone could give me advice re moving on with my life and to forget about them.
Replies...
Guene	Re: What is worst? Meth addicted husband or him living with girlfriend? Hello Kelly, I'm so sorry about your situation Hon, its hard to try and understand why they do these things. I'm a mom of a recovering addict and I had 8 years of sadness with her, she changed into someone I didn't even know, did things I would have never thought possible, said mean and hateful things. They change and sometimes there's nothing we can do but try to help ourselves move on and start living again. Since you have kids, Its even harder because they don't know why Daddy is doing this to them too. Maybe family counseling would be the best way for all of you to come together as a family again and try to move on with what you have now, you and your kids can learn to be a family again even if he's not in the picture. I'm sure there will be others who will answer this question better for you, there are lots of people here who has gone through the same things Hon. Good luck and god bless
Loraura	Re: What is worst? Meth addicted husband or him living with girlfriend? Kelly, my advise would be to go to a couple of alanon meetings. Maybe this sounds like a dumb idea, but if you're willing to try ANYTHING to move forward with your life and find a way to be happy despite the addict in your life, then just try it. If it doesn't help you, they will gladly refund your misery.
Nyte Passion	Re: What is worst? Meth addicted husband or him living with girlfriend? and please try as hard as it is to understand that it isn't about you IT IS ABOUT HIM. It isn't anything you did or didn't do, said or didn't say ... He is a addict ... you wouldn't co-sign his addiction so he found someone who would. It's all about the dope (trust me)
Indiana shedevil	Re: What is worst? Meth addicted husband or him living with girlfriend? Kel01 I was in your situation. I know the pain. It hurt me because I loved him and he betrayed me. The betrayal hurts so bad I couldn't breath. Everyone that has responded to you has offered the same advice that I would have. I totally agree with them. I want to add the following... You might feel all alone. You are NOT the only one that is going through this. Please feel that you are here with people that truly understand your situation. There are so many people that are/have been in your situation. This is a great site for support and encouragement. These wonderful people made my journey a lot easier to bear. After all this time, don't you think it's time to take the focus energy and effort off of him and direct it on your self? I think that you deserve it and you are entitled to it. You didn't deserve what his addiction did to your life. I think that you deserve more out of life than sitting in that rut that myself and so many others like us have found ourselves in. Live is meant for living, not merely surviving. You have mourned and you are still mourning. You have proven that you can survive this. Now that the next step and start LIVING the kind of life that you want. If you are willing to attend Al Anon, you will learned what "Let go and Let God" means. If you are willing to do so, you will begin to notice that you will begin to restore some sanity in your life. You will feel the serenity a little bit at a time. My favorite slogans are the following: Let go and let God This too shall pass One day at a time Easy does it After 2 years of h3ll and a lot of BS in between, I am able to say that even though my life is far from perfect and I am still working on some personal issues (co-dependency for one), my life is SO MUCH BETTER than the life I had before. I make my OWN decisions. I life for MYSELF. I don't have the addition fear and worries that I had living with the addict. I made it through survival. NOW I AM LEARNING TO LIVE LIFE AND I AM ENJOYING IT!!! (D*mn right I'm yelling!)
Jamie J79	Re: What is worst? Meth addicted husband or him living with girlfriend? As far as him being with this other woman. It's simple, they have something in common--meth. She will put up with his addiction because she has one too. Take the drugs away and there probably isn't much there, drugs are what brought them together not true love. I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant and the father is a addict. I just had to kick him out yesterday for continuing to use and because he stole money. I was up last night thinking about the situation and I wonder why all these smart women on this site are in situations like this? Why do we put up with this? Why do we get upset if they find someone new? They don't have @#%$ to offer us and they have treated us badly yet we want their love or something we think is love? I'm trying to focus on myself. I've been addressing my codependency and it's starting to feel good to follow through with what I say. The only suggestion I could give you is to start focusing on you and what you want to do with your life. I'm interesting in getting counseling and getting to the root of why I got into a relationship like this. I want to learn how to love myself more so I can be in a healthy relationship should I meet a decent man. There is a book called how to avoid dating a dangerous man or something like that, I have it written down somewhere. I intend on reading that book so I don't make the same mistake twice. I feel that drug addiction is just a symptom of a much bigger problem the person has inside. After spending time thinking about them and what they are doing and all that it's about time we focus on ourselves and learn how to make ourselves truly happy. Good luck.