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Worst part of my recovery, learning to live!

The worst part of my recovery
I won't say much because its hard to explain because my recovery is going great (one week short of 8 months) but the biggest problem I have is I am afraid to live. I don't like to meet new people and I prefer solitude to any social activity. How do I get past this?
Re: The worst part of my recovery
I understand you...
Sfj Re: The worst part of my recovery
Slowly try to meet people who understand what you've been through.

CMA worked for me.

CMA Website
Re: The worst part of my recovery
a lot of us understand you.
....I'm a meth addict w/o meth that goes to work and home.

I don't want to even deal with all that.

DSALO1 Re: The worst part of my recovery
Congratulations on 8 months.

Why are you afraid to live?
Re: The worst part of my recovery
because we don't want to live w/o speed.
.....................we forgot how....right?
that's my problem.
.....excuse me for interrupting, if I'm wrong.

Re: The worst part of my recovery
I used to think that without speed I was weak, and after being on meth for 27 years I guess it can take a while to be "normal" again  
Re: The worst part of my recovery
All I can say is so proud of you 27 years of using and 8 months clean that's GREAT. I'm not an addict just a mom who's son is one. Again proud of you.
Penel0pe Re: The worst part of my recovery
I used for 26 years, am about 4 1/2 months shy of 3 years clean, and I know what you mean.

This too shall pass - meanwhile, get to know some people that have walked this path before you. This website is a good start... but you got to get out of the house too!

SFJ gave you a link for CMA. I get my recovery through NA.
Narcotics Anonymous Meeting Locator

Either program can help you get past your fear of living - outpatient rehab is another option.
There's a bunch of us out here who understand you, trust me on that...

and welcome to the board!
Re: The worst part of my recovery
damn! I used 22, PAWS did 23...
for he's a jollygood speeeeeeeed freaaaaaaak!
....that nobody can denial!
Re: The worst part of my recovery
I totally understand what you mean. I found that thinking about it made it worse, I just had to go for it. Meaning if there was something I wished I could do I just made myself get out there and do it. Going back to school was really scary because I was so afraid I was too old at 27 and that I had made myself stupid from all the drugs I used. I was also scared of being around people. The first day of going back to school was a little tough but it go easier day after day. Soon I was asking myself why I making such a big deal to begin with. My main problem with trying new things is social phobia. I forgot how to relate to people when drugs aren't involved. It's not as hard as I thought it was though. I'm still getting used to it though. Making phone calls and handling day to day things that needed to be done overwhelmed me at first. I just made a list of things I needed to do and did one thing a day until I had crossed everything off my list. I'm pregnant so I can't take antidepressants or anything. I feel that they might help some people if you are having a real hard time.
DSALO1 Re: The worst part of my recovery
Dear wemiscali,

Are you familiar with the 12 step program?
Re: The worst part of my recovery
My name is Chris, I did my last speedball over 13 years ago.

Currently, I'm sick with hepc and waiting for my 3rd round of treatment.
Before I fell ill, I had 7 years clean from everything, now I smoke some pot, prescribed.. for the last 3 years.
What worked for me, it was getting past the paranoia feeling, the feeling that others knew of my past hard addictions, that they were talking about me behind my back.

I remember when I finally realized that nobody was talking about me when I left the room and unless I dressed in something truly shocking... people didn't even remember what I had on the day before. There were times, I realized that if I was quiet and stayed busy, some people wouldn't even notice I was there.

So.. my suggestion is that you not worry about what others think or what you think they may be thinking.

Realistically... people who haven't lived their lives like we have, have MUCH BETTER things to do than trip on a new face in the crowd.

Unless you share your past, drama, whatever with others, no body knows. So, it's up to you what you want people to know about you. Not to be dishonest, but selective about what you share and those you choose to share with.

Jump into life, a clean-normal life with two feet if you have to.

Don't keep missing out on the world out there, cause there's a lot to see and do. So many cool faces to meet. Everyday out there you'll meet someone new and experience new things.

I hate being confined to my home as much as I am... plus it creates a state of depression being cooped in. People are meant to enjoy the outdoors and all the great things the world has to offer.

Don't not get yours. Go for it, while you can.
Stay strong and positive.
Re: The worst part of my recovery
I'm 16 years clean, and still prefer solitude to social activity 

What helped me? 12 step programs (attending meetings/getting a sponsor/working the steps). I found I am 'comfortable' around others in recovery, and that is my socialization.

I'll never join a bowling league or softball team, never cared for company parties. I don't do the PTA thing (though I did join one year and enjoyed it!), never carpooled with other mothers for school events, and prefer the company of my dogs to other folks most times

It is better. I don't have those horrible anxiety attacks just from leaving the house and having to do something like buy groceries or get gas in the car.
Re: The worst part of my recovery
I have gone to NA and CMA meetings once or twice a week for the past 5 months but over the last two weeks I haven't had any interest. I am not a shut in person by any means, I go hiking with my wife and our dogs and I ride a road bike and a mountain bike and I work 40 hours a week


Re: The worst part of my recovery
Hey I know what you mean and how you feel. I too feel that way!!

I think in my case it is depression and am seeing a Dr. and a Therapist. The Dr has upped my meds to the max..400mg and it does seem to help.

I also recently made some goals in my life for the first time in four years. I am tired of living this way...I am tired of missing out on life...and I am tired of running away from my problems. I am ready for the first time in a long time to face life and what comes my way.

Anyways just know your not alone at all...and my opinion of how to overcome it...is to just do it...I think.. ....hell what do I know I'm an x-speed-freak..
120 days clean
DSALO1 Re: The worst part of my recovery
Dear wemiscali,

What made you lose interest in NA/CMA?
Re: The worst part of my recovery
Wemis: I'm over 10 years clean and I still feel like an alien when I'm around normies. I don't feel like I fit in with them. Their life experience is so different than mine.

But you know what? I don't have to fit it anywhere but in my own heart and mind. If I can be comfortable in my own skin, I don't care about the rest.

I've never been a introvert, so I guess that has helped me live amongst the normies. And the older I've gotten, the less and less concerned I am about what other people think of me.

I would definitely suggest you hook up with recovering addicts. It helped me immensely. Just knowing that I wasn't an alien, and that there were others out there just like me, helped me to accept myself and move forward.

The solitude thing isn't good right now. It can lead to boredom, one of the biggest threats to our clean time. Fellowship with a group of people who understand your struggles is a good thing.

You always have us, of course.
Re: The worst part of my recovery
Thanks everyone for your comments, it helps to hear from people who have been there.
Penel0pe Re: The worst part of my recovery
So.. my suggestion is that you not worry about what others think or what you think they may be thinking.

Chris makes a good point.

What MOST people are thinking about at any given time is...


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