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Husband need to be drug tested?
| mtgl7771 |
Husband need to be drug
tested?
I am having a really hard
time here trying to figure all this out. Its been 3 times in the
last 90 days that I have given my husband money about $50 or so.
The first time he fishes all night comes home the next morning
and crashes no money left. the second time on a Sunday says he
is going to a meeting, does meet up with one of the members at
his place of work, but decides no meeting. Didn't get suspicious
till he calls with this story of taking so long at the gas store
because of a mix up with the credit cards. Comes home is jumpy
(says he took too many ephedra pills) has awful sinuses (could
hear it ) and stays up all night. This last time says he wants
some $ for Christmas gifts. Leaves before the cowboys play says
he wants to be back before they start. doesn't come back till
past half time. Decides, after saying yes, that he is not going
to church with me. The real kicker is I send him out at 10:15pm
to pick up our son (10min) away. It takes him over 30 min. to
call me that he is lost. then doesn't pick him up till almost
12midnight! says he got stopped by the cops for looking
suspicious circling the neighborhood. (both me and my son gave
him directions) then yes, you guessed it stayed up all night
throwing up. He has been asleep since 5am. My question is could
he be taking such small amounts of meth or coke not enough to
string him out for days. Sometimes I think he is taking maybe
Lortab pills or Adderall pills, just enough to pick him up for a
short while then allows him to sleep. What do you all think? I
think I need to drug test him. I know it will hurt both of us if
he is clean and I distrusted him. But its that gut feeling you
know. Besides I am working way too many hours to make $ to go
down that road again. Please send me some advice or opinions. |
| Replies... |
| Loraura |
Re: Husband need to be
drug tested?
What Christmas gifts did
he purchase?
What would you do if the tests were positive? |
| mtgl7771 |
Re: Husband need to be
drug tested?
I asked when he got home
if he found what he was looking for. He is only buying for me,
he never buys for anyone else and he leaves the kids up to me
too. He said he had not decided yet. Honestly, if he is
positive, I don't know. If he is positive he is so much
different but the same you know? He is still at times VERY
distant. Then apologizes for being a d*&k. I know not to give
him anymore money and then what? Demand meetings? Reading the AA
book? Praying together again? Kick him out again????????? |
Rachel
sue76 |
Re: Husband need to be
drug tested?
I am sorry that things
seem to be going so rough.
About the money. 50 dollars is a lot of money but, you know your
husband's spending habits better then I do.
For example, I know that my husband could reasonably spend 50
dollars in a night if he put gas in our van, bought bait,
cigarettes, and something to eat for dinner and breakfast.
But here is the thing, I would be concerned if he was going out
all night fishing in early recovery because being out at night
is a big trigger for him.
The other 2 things would be a real concern for me because they
are too much like stories that I have heard when he was using.
It was always something about getting lost, some mix up, or
getting stopped by the police.
I think that he could be using meth or coke, but I also think
that he could be abusing the prescription meds that are in the
house. I know that when your husband was actively using, things
got pretty bad around your house. I know that for my husband,
there is no such thing as using just a little any more.
Quote:
I think I need to drug test him. I
know it will hurt both of us if he is clean and I distrusted
him. But its that gut feeling you know.
This is just my opinion so take it as
that. When you guys established some ground rules when he came
home, one of them was that he stay clean. He knows that he has
to earn your trust back. If in order to put your mind at ease he
has to take a drug test, why should there be any hurt feelings?
I guess to me if 5 minutes of his time is going to set your mind
at ease, and build more trust what is there to have hurt
feelings about? |
| vctry7 |
Re: Husband need to be
drug tested?
My feelings would not be
hurt if my husband asked me to take a drug test, and I am not
even acting suspicious.
IMO, if he is just using ephedra or other pills it is only a
matter of time before he is using the real thing again. Sorry. |
| Loraura |
Re: Husband need to be
drug tested?
If it were me, I'd be
real clear in my own head what I would do with the drug test
information, whether it was positive or negative.
There's no point doing a test, if the results do not indicate
some changes must be made ON MY END. |
Paws
from hell |
Re: Husband need to be
drug tested?
I'm an addict,
recovering, and I'm with Lori with this.
Seems like if " I " was behaving like this whether I was using
or not I would have to really stop , and take a long honest look
at my recovery
Behaviors! are you willing to live with them ,
Clean or Not ? |
| mtgl7771 |
Re: Husband need to be
drug tested?
That is the part that I
feel strongly about. I know from listening to you all that
depression, distance etc are all apart of recovery. And yes,
there are times I take it too personally and hard, but
eventually, I realize its his recovery and he is having a hard
time right now.
However, lately he does not seem to be TRYING to make an effort.
Clean or not he doesn't try to have a conversation, be
compassionate, get involved. He told me he was having a hard
time with having only "associates" now that are addicts.
(Remember he used to be a cop) But my whole thing is you are one
too, and you and they are recovering. We have met very
respectable people with all kinds of education, worse than him.
So besides "getting back into life" I think he is using every
excuse in the world to not work it.
I haven't tested him yet, but I've decided you guys are right,
if he isn't, then so be it, I've forgiven a lot of things so if
his feelings are hurt, oh well, forgive. But today after work I
told him "Hey, tomorrow you should try making it to a meeting
because tomorrow will be 90 days clean" His answer: I'm not too
worried about it, you can get the chip anytime. Its a one day at
a time thing." I think that is a cop out. Everything I read on
here are people excited about receiving their due chip.
I'll let you guys know. Thanks for all your support, without
this board I do not know where I would be. |
See also:
Drug Tests and Drug Testing Excuses
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