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Husband need to be drug tested?

mtgl7771 Husband need to be drug tested?
I am having a really hard time here trying to figure all this out. Its been 3 times in the last 90 days that I have given my husband money about $50 or so. The first time he fishes all night comes home the next morning and crashes no money left. the second time on a Sunday says he is going to a meeting, does meet up with one of the members at his place of work, but decides no meeting. Didn't get suspicious till he calls with this story of taking so long at the gas store because of a mix up with the credit cards. Comes home is jumpy (says he took too many ephedra pills) has awful sinuses (could hear it ) and stays up all night. This last time says he wants some $ for Christmas gifts. Leaves before the cowboys play says he wants to be back before they start. doesn't come back till past half time. Decides, after saying yes, that he is not going to church with me. The real kicker is I send him out at 10:15pm to pick up our son (10min) away. It takes him over 30 min. to call me that he is lost. then doesn't pick him up till almost 12midnight! says he got stopped by the cops for looking suspicious circling the neighborhood. (both me and my son gave him directions) then yes, you guessed it stayed up all night throwing up. He has been asleep since 5am. My question is could he be taking such small amounts of meth or coke not enough to string him out for days. Sometimes I think he is taking maybe Lortab pills or Adderall pills, just enough to pick him up for a short while then allows him to sleep. What do you all think? I think I need to drug test him. I know it will hurt both of us if he is clean and I distrusted him. But its that gut feeling you know. Besides I am working way too many hours to make $ to go down that road again. Please send me some advice or opinions.
Loraura Re: Husband need to be drug tested?
What Christmas gifts did he purchase?
What would you do if the tests were positive?
mtgl7771 Re: Husband need to be drug tested?
I asked when he got home if he found what he was looking for. He is only buying for me, he never buys for anyone else and he leaves the kids up to me too. He said he had not decided yet.  Honestly, if he is positive, I don't know. If he is positive he is so much different but the same you know? He is still at times VERY distant. Then apologizes for being a d*&k. I know not to give him anymore money and then what? Demand meetings? Reading the AA book? Praying together again? Kick him out again?????????
Re: Husband need to be drug tested?
I am sorry that things seem to be going so rough.
About the money. 50 dollars is a lot of money but, you know your husband's spending habits better then I do.

For example, I know that my husband could reasonably spend 50 dollars in a night if he put gas in our van, bought bait, cigarettes, and something to eat for dinner and breakfast.

But here is the thing, I would be concerned if he was going out all night fishing in early recovery because being out at night is a big trigger for him.

The other 2 things would be a real concern for me because they are too much like stories that I have heard when he was using. It was always something about getting lost, some mix up, or getting stopped by the police.

I think that he could be using meth or coke, but I also think that he could be abusing the prescription meds that are in the house. I know that when your husband was actively using, things got pretty bad around your house. I know that for my husband, there is no such thing as using just a little any more.
I think I need to drug test him. I know it will hurt both of us if he is clean and I distrusted him. But its that gut feeling you know.

This is just my opinion so take it as that. When you guys established some ground rules when he came home, one of them was that he stay clean. He knows that he has to earn your trust back. If in order to put your mind at ease he has to take a drug test, why should there be any hurt feelings? I guess to me if 5 minutes of his time is going to set your mind at ease, and build more trust what is there to have hurt feelings about?

vctry7 Re: Husband need to be drug tested?
My feelings would not be hurt if my husband asked me to take a drug test, and I am not even acting suspicious.

IMO, if he is just using ephedra or other pills it is only a matter of time before he is using the real thing again. Sorry.
Loraura Re: Husband need to be drug tested?
If it were me, I'd be real clear in my own head what I would do with the drug test information, whether it was positive or negative.

There's no point doing a test, if the results do not indicate some changes must be made ON MY END.
from hell
Re: Husband need to be drug tested?
I'm an addict, recovering, and I'm with Lori with this.

Seems like if " I " was behaving like this whether I was using or not I would have to really stop , and take a long honest look at my recovery

Behaviors! are you willing to live with them ,
Clean or Not ?
mtgl7771 Re: Husband need to be drug tested?
That is the part that I feel strongly about. I know from listening to you all that depression, distance etc are all apart of recovery. And yes, there are times I take it too personally and hard, but eventually, I realize its his recovery and he is having a hard time right now.
However, lately he does not seem to be TRYING to make an effort. Clean or not he doesn't try to have a conversation, be compassionate, get involved. He told me he was having a hard time with having only "associates" now that are addicts. (Remember he used to be a cop) But my whole thing is you are one too, and you and they are recovering. We have met very respectable people with all kinds of education, worse than him. So besides "getting back into life" I think he is using every excuse in the world to not work it.
I haven't tested him yet, but I've decided you guys are right, if he isn't, then so be it, I've forgiven a lot of things so if his feelings are hurt, oh well, forgive. But today after work I told him "Hey, tomorrow you should try making it to a meeting because tomorrow will be 90 days clean" His answer: I'm not too worried about it, you can get the chip anytime. Its a one day at a time thing." I think that is a cop out. Everything I read on here are people excited about receiving their due chip.
I'll let you guys know. Thanks for all your support, without this board I do not know where I would be.

See also:

Drug Tests and Drug Testing Excuses

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