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My husband hates my attitude towards his meth addiction but loves his
puddle slut opinion!
amart
1279 |
In an addicts
mind----Question
QUOTE:
I started hating people that didn't use hard drugs because I
felt like I was being looked down on, that they thought they
were better than me, it fills you with so much contempt you
can't see straight.
My question is this as it
relates to the above statement:
My husband's latest "hate"
against me is exactly that, i think i am better than him and
judge him, hence he has been back on with his puddle slut as i
like to call her.
He says she doesn't judge him and he can be
himself with her (she shoots it with him). Does he really
believe that at the moment? And how can I offer my support to
him, let him know that when he chooses sobriety, I will be there
for him without him thinking I believe I'm better or am judging?
it's so much more peaceful when I ignore him and he isn't in my
life every day, but if there's a way to let him know he's loved
without those other feelings of judgment, I'd love to hear the
ideas. |
| Replies... |
luve
piphany |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
I
like that -"puddle slut" it sounds much less powerful than "dope whore" |
sierra
Nights2 |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
Quote:
I like that -"puddle slut" it sounds
much less powerful than "dope whore"
Sorry, got to disagree. I have such issues
with these titles. Very offensive in my opinion. My bad, I
reckon.
Am I the only one here that finds calling these ladies, girls,
women, females (whatever) offensive to them?
I'd say these gals have major issues themselves. They need help
also. I have sorrow in my heart for them.
Okay, guess I feel better now.
Oh and definitely not trying to offend anyone or step on your
shoes or your toes. |
Naiev
Newlywed |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
Sierra - they are what they are and they have a choice too.
IMO - it's the same as calling an addict a junkie. They are what
they are and they have a choice as well.
Quote:
He says she doesn't judge him and he
can be himself with her (she shoots it with him).
Yes he believes that - she's an addict
too.
But remember - even if you were to shoot dope with him - it
wouldn't change this thinking.
I shot dope - tried to be the dope whore - but because there was
still a hint of love there - it wasn't the same.
In my husband's words - he didn't give a shyt about her. She
knew what she was for because he told her. He didn't care about
treating her like shyt. That was her purpose. |
le
grumps |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
Hey, I've been the "puddle slut" in the past.
I can see why people get really angry and feel the need to put
another woman down because they feel very betrayed.
But just remember, the "puddle sluts" are laughing at you when
you call your husband for the hundredth time, and he either
silences you, or tells you some BS and hangs up real quick so we
can go back to our dope and sex. The resentment runs both ways,
and it rarely has to do with our attachment to your "great man".
It's our sickness, ALL of our sickness.
We are all women, with feelings, with brains, and we fall into
these traps not because we are dumb b'tches, but because we have
personal problems and insecurities.
If you are happy calling us puddle sluts, dope whores, whatever,
than that's on you. You can resent all you want, but it's going
to keep you sick too.
I agree with sierranights. |
Indiana
shedevil |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
LeGrumps' post was a real eye opener. Yes, those women did laugh
at me. They both laugh at me... But not anymore...
I get the last laugh because I have turned my back and walked
away towards the better things that life has to offer for me.
I leave them alone. I really don't care anymore. They don't have
a place to occupy in my world. My world consists of what is
important TO ME... They are not important to me. They do not
matter to me.
I have this stance now and my life is much better because of it.
I will not stand by and point my finger at "the other woman"
because in her eyes I am what she is to me.
Not. I will not sink to that level. I will not allow myself to
be a pawn in his sick sick game any longer... |
sierra
Nights2 |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
Quote:
they are laughing so hard at the pain
they inflict
Do you really think that these ladies (yes, I
said ladies, they are somebody's daughter, sister) know anything
about the pain you are feeling?
I think they got their own pain going and it don't matter. Human
nature to look after #1 first. |
le
grumps |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
I
can only speak for myself, but I wasn't laughing because I
thought I was inflicting pain.
I was laughing because I thought the wives were dumb.
When we tweak, we become numb. My laugh has even changed since I
quit using. Before it was a taunting "HA-ha, dummy, keep calling
him!". Now my laugh is hearty and genuine.
I had no, no, no clue what it was like for them to be waiting,
worried, scared. To me, their calls were more of a pest, and
annoyance than anything else. Real love, the respect for
relationships and caring about anyone else's feelings does not
compute. It's a defense mechanism.
Defending the sham of our own "security" and "control" |
luve
piphany |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
Unfortunately for me, I have been told I was
laughed at, even told that stories were made up to make me think
things, then I was laughed at when I believed the stories, then
they laughed when I caused more drama for the "man" because of
the stories...Senseless cruelty. why???
Because meth makes even real human pain-uglier.
I understand, I forgive, hopefully I will forget but not for one
second do I sympathize with meth cruelty
Empathize maybe-yes, sympathize-never |
kmb
2006 |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
My husband lived with, slept with, and supported a female addict
for 6 months while I was pregnant with our second child.
I guess she was smarter than me...
She got free room and board, an ample supply of free dope, and
access to a car.
All she had to do for this privilege was deal with daily verbal
assaults from my addict husband, give up any dignity or
self-worth she might have had, and hand her daughter over to CPS
(she had already lost her oldest daughter to the child's
paternal grandparents), and live in the delusion that my
perpetually unemployed husband would love and support (with MY
money) her for the rest of her days.
As for me, I got time to develop my own interests and life,
affirmation of my own strength as a woman and mother, a sense of
self-reliance, a chance to seek the co-dependency recovery I
needed for years, a chance to test my capacity for forgiveness
and compassion, an incredible bond with my daughter... oh yeah,
and a grateful, devoted, employed recovering husband (78 days
today!). An intact family. Wow.
Okay, maybe I was a little smarter.
~The BEST revenge is a life well lived~ |
Juliett
55 |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
Dear amart1279.
Your situation is difficult, but it could be also a sign that
you can do something about it, as you are trying to. Not too
many people have courage to come out and say that they may have
a part in relationship that can be better, my complements to
you.
Remember there is a drug involved and it is a priority for the
addict, no woman, even a true love is above meth, till he is
ready to get help. But you can be a light in the dark, if you
decide it is what you want.
My situation is a little different, but my addict said that he
didn't feel good enough for me for years. At first I didn't know
what to do, it was more heart breaking than if I wasn't good
enough. But I knew the love was real, always did.
Right now things are better and he said to me that he wants to
be better and wants me in his life.
But........I went through 3 years of taking care of myself:
AlAnon, Open AA, Na meetings, learning to listen, learning to be
patient, realizing I don't always understand him, realizing he
needs time to learn his lessons, letting him know that going to
meetings is not too little for me it's part of my life and I
respect it, that he is worth spending time on, emphasizing his
good qualities that made me fall in love with him, things he did
to change my life for better........
If you are doing all of those things, than the drug must be
mostly at fault, but if not I would recommend to take an
inventory.
Remember!! addicts are very sensitive and intelligent people,
they can read you from inside out good and bad.... |
| TerryCa |
Re: In an addicts
mind----Question
I
love the honesty of this post.
Quote:
The BEST revenge is a life well
lived~
You are so right KMB. |
amart
1279 |
Sorry for the term
Didn't realize that this
would cause such strife, I guess I failed to look outside my
world and realize some of you were the other woman. Logically,
it absolutely makes sense that I win by walking away and working
on myself because he will remain with her as long as he remains
with the dope. But this is also the place that I cannot get rid
of my anger.....They LAUGH at me? How dare them! She eggs him on
when he verbally assaults me? Phuck them both!
Only an inventory and a true forgiveness will get me through
that, I know, and I appreciate so much all of your thoughts and
experiences. Now, Another question from the original post that I
haven't gotten an answer to..... how do i keep him at a safe
distance so he knows i don't judge him but will support him in
recovery. it is so tempting to either x him out of my life or,
preach and beg....neither of which feels good or has any impact?
Thanks ladies...You are all AMAZING ----former girlfriends and
bitter wives alike |
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