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Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...


sickids
gurl
Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
Ok so I haven't done meth for 38 days. But I have smoked pot, smoked opium, and drank alcohol. Not ever single day, in fact the first 3 weeks I did nothing at all, I was completely sober! But the last two weeks I've done the pot, opium, and alcohol but, not everyday.

Weird thing is I don't know why. Its like I'm just bored or something so I say to myself I want to have a beer. Or I'm having trouble sleeping so I smoke some pot or opium.

I know its stupid but really I don't want to quit everything else. To me it feels like the only thing that made my life unmanageable was meth. I don't hang out with people who use anymore, but I had some pot and opium left still when I decided to get off the meth maybe when I run out (which won't be long) I'll make the decision to not get anymore, but, I don't know that for sure. Sometimes I'm not really sure what I want at all.

So now everyone knows that I have not been completely truthful, talk shyt if you want to. Its your opinion and your allowed that. It might hurt my feelings but, that's ok. I'll get over it.

I feel that I have made an accomplishment because before my decision to get clean I couldn't go for more then a few hours without a day at most without meth. And when I was coming down I had to use both pot and alcohol. So to me this is still progress.

That's all I have thanks-sickidsgurl

p.s. at least now I am being honest  
     Replies...
imlost
inky
Re: Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
Amber, we are only as sick as our secrets.
You are making progress.

I hope you seriously consider just not getting anymore.
Either alcohol or opium.
I'm kind of mixed on the pot- on one hand, it is not the answer for me as I weird out on it.
On the other hand, having been married to an alcoholic/meth addict, I much prefer the pot over those if there absolutely has to be something.

I'm an old hippy- I have always felt pot was Nature's Prozac- it is man's abuse that makes it a bad thing.
Nothing unhealthy in chewing a stem.

On the other hand, what I find for me personally is that all substances -alcohol , drugs - lessen my reasoning ability.
They impair my judgment- they alter my perception of reality.
I don't always feel the greatest, I don't always have just a great day- but I always know it is real.
Part of what bothered me the most when I was on the shyt is that I lost myself in it, I lost my sense of reason and logic-
what I believed to be real wasn't.
I didn't like that then- I don't like that feel now.

I much prefer a day with real tears than fake laughter.
I like remembering the day before.
Even if it isn't such a great day. All that means is when I do have a great day, I will appreciate it more deeply than I would have otherwise.

This is your recovery - you will have to determine what works for you.
For me, numbing out doesn't work. I like feeling all- even the bad.
It's real. I don't like shaky ground.
sickids
gurl
Re: Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
Thanks for your response.  I know the opium I will not buy again because I know how addictive it is and that's what I want to get away from. The pot I only smoke occasionally and only if I am having trouble sleeping or am feeling anxious. The alcohol I do not drink very often maybe once a week and then its only like 1-3 beers. But, I could probably cut that out.

I suppose the only reason I would find it hard to not drink beer is like when I go over to my sister in laws to the barbeque which we do once a week to every other week, there is always beer and its a social thing not a lets get drunk and party thing. And I really like letting lose with my family and just relaxing with a beer or two after diner.

But again thanks for your insight.
I'll keep ya posted.
Penel0pe Re: Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
Quote:
Weird thing is I don't know why. Its like I'm just bored or something so I say to myself I want to have a beer. Or I'm having trouble sleeping so I smoke some pot or opium.

I would say the reason why you do this is because you are an addict.

An addict will replace one drug for another, make excuses, do ANYTHING to protect our addiction, at any cost.

The cost is your life, unfortunately - you might survive using, but it is ultimately suicide on the installment plan, a little at a time.

I wasted my entire adult life - more than 25 years - on dope, making excuses for dope, wanting dope, using dope, buying dope, sleeping off dope, losing job, family, you name it for dope...
the cost is too high.

So, honestly - do you REALLY need to be loaded all the time? I thought I did.

What I learned was that I didn't know how to live without drugs - it was my lifestyle and I literally knew no other way of life.

You don't have to live this way, you really don't.

Living with a clear mind, a clear conscience, and freedom from active addiction is the best high there is, trust me on this. It takes a little work... but the time will either be utterly spent on addiction, or invested in living your life... it's your call!

danimal
55
Re: Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
Your honesty is nothing short of awesome!
And it's infectious ya know  TY!

None of us will ever be "sure" until we grant ourselves an extended period of no mind altering chemicals, something a lot of us have never experienced in our adult lives.

There's nothing to lose but a lifetime of dependency upon substances and the associated misery.

We're injured when we quit meth and our brains have a LOT of healing to do and using other chemicals severely retards the process.

Clarity of mind, nor the happiness and peace that you seek can found in any drug...
and other substances certainly won't help replenish your depleted dopamine.

Trust me...once our heads are screwed on straight and we begin thinking clearly...using chemicals becomes very unattractive as we realize just how much they take...opposed to what we thought they were giving.

Give it a try...you won't be sorry.
You'll never know until you do.

One thing IS absolute...*you don't HAVE to use*
sickids
gurl
Re: Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
Quote:
Your honesty is nothing short of awesome!
Wow you sure know how to make someone feel good! Thanks for the encouragement! It means way more then you know!

There was a quote I saw one time something along the lines of
ahhhhhhh can't remember all of it but at the end it says "encourage me and I may never forget you." does anyone know what I'm talking about I'm going to look it up. If I find it I'll post it here.

Anyway I have a long way too go, I know that. But the desire to get clean and stay clean is there. Maybe I'm just a little lost in my journey.

(sigh)

that's all 4 now.
amart
1279
Re: Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
I think honesty is the most painful after deceiving yourself and those you love for so long. GOOD FOR YOU! Don't beat yourself up...you have a desire to stay clean, you've tasted the freedom, and you're still being honest.
In coming to terms with addiction to my husband, all I've done is started drinking more than I should.....its just a band aid.

But remaining honest with ourselves keeps everything real and focused.
sickids
gurl
Re: Meth free but still use alcohol, pot and opium and I don't want to quit that...
"Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I may not forget you."
William Arthur Ward

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