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Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?


pepper
4308
Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
Just got my son out of jail for the second time in 1 month. I just don't think I can do this anymore. He says he doesn't want to live this life anymore, but the options I give are not acceptable to him. He is looking at a long, hard road ahead. When is it enough - too much for a mom to take? I'm drained of energy, just don't know if I can do this anymore....

Does is ever get better?
     Replies...
forget
suzette
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
psychiatrist.....if he is depressed, or has other issues, could make all the difference with meds.
Terry
Ca
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
Pepper,

You say your son doesn't want to do this anymore. He doesn't want jail? Doesn't want the life associated with drugs? Will he go to rehab.?

Maybe he's down so low that it's his "bottom." Just maybe he's willing to make changes in his life. Maybe he's now ready to start a recovery program.

For you, take some time for yourself to try and relax. I would try and find some humor in your day also.
You cannot fix your son, as you know right?
pepper
4308
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
I know I will never give up on my son. I'm trying to keep myself strong and focused. Luckily I have a wonderful boyfriend who lets me vent and cry, but also makes me laugh. Son knows he has to make a change, first step is to move back home. He really doesn't want to do that, but for the first time is considering it.
I've learned so much on this site and can understand his pain better. I think he sees that and is giving me a little 'credit' for the understanding.
I'm going to keep coming here and reading all the posts - they are so inspirational and educational.

Thanks for listening.
up
against
thewall
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
Rant, rave, vent, scream, yell, cry.

Doing all of the above on a daily basis.
Let go and let God. This I try to live by, but sometimes I get in his way and he has on more than one occasion reminded me, it is his to deal with now. I can no longer do anything for her, it is up to her and God. I pray for her and I speak civilly with her when she calls but I can't fix her. She has to do it.
Hang in there and keep coming back, there really are people here who understand and have been through it.
cuzicare Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
Pepper, it will get better but it's not easy. May I suggest that you get into a recovery program for yourself? Honestly, it's the only thing you can do that will make a difference for you and your son.

Keep reading, there are a lot of really great people here. Ask questions.

Peace to you!
giddy Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
YES!!!! get your self into a program, not just for you but to help u and learn some tools to help him. if u fall apart where does that leave him? do it for the both of u.
Bent
But
Not
Broken1
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
Pepper-

Your a great Mom for trying to understand. I too hope he moves back home and then gets treatment.

If I hadn't of found KCI, I would still be using meth. That letter I wrote "Mom", I was trying to tell you that even a 42 year old kid, me, did something stupid. A google of meth and a chance pick of a link--KCI--those stories.......they hit home with me...hurt me...and I quit here at KCI.
These folks have loved me in spite of myself.
No matter how old or young, kids can turn around and quit meth.

You are in my thoughts and prayers Pepper,
30 days meth free and recovering
Tender
hearts
KS
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
As long as there is breath, there is hope. That being said, I completely agree with the others in you seeking a program of recovery for yourself, whether it be Naranon, Alanon, therapy, or some sort of support group.

I am a recovering addict, and have a 28 year old daughter who is an active addict. She has been incarcerated 3 times. The first time my father borrowed 3 grand to bond her out, only to have her popped with a dirty UA and serve 6 more months. She just got out early this month on more drug-related charges.

I did allow her to move home after the 6 months with the condition she do something to improve her life. She knew all the right things to say, even attended meetings with me. She was shown the door after I came home early one day and caught her smoking dope with a man I had never seen (turned out to be her boyfriend who later went to the penitentiary for raping two 9 year old girls).

Tough love is the attitude/lifestyle I have had to adopt with her. She will have to find her own bottom as I did.

I will pray for you and your son.
JamieJ
1979
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
Tenderheart--Good post and very informative.

Pepper-I'm just curious but you said he doesn't want to go to treatment right? How is moving home the first step? What is required of him for him to stay in your home? If he doesn't have to do anything and he can just use your home as a place to crash and recharge his batteries that's exactly what will happen. You can't control the addict's behavior but you can set rules and boundaries if he's to live in your home. For my brother it wasn't in his best interest to move back in with Mom. It made it harder on Mom to not enable him and he reverted to childlike behavior when he moved in with Mom. Instead of using the opportunity to move forward he actually went backwards. My Mom won't give up on my brother but she won't continue to enable him anymore because it's not helping him it actually hinders his progress.
hdftboy Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
Pepper,

Sorry to hear about your son. My heart goes to you my friend.

Question, are you in Nor Cal?
pepper
4308
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
No, I'm not in Nor Cal.

Thanks to all for your kind words and support. My son did not move back home - gave me a hug and told me that I will never understand his life and he's just so tired of hurting me. He asked that I just go through each day pretending that everything is okay.

I'm not giving up, but I believe I've done all I can do for him, without continuing to hurt myself emotionally, physically and financially.

I love him more than anything in the world, but he's truly lost and can only get better when (if) he finds himself. This lifestyle is "all he knows", which kills me, because just two years ago he knew a much better life - before meth.

Thanks for the prayers - God will take this on and His will be done!

I have printed so much from this site, and given a lot of it to my son. I keep it for myself also to read over and over again. We had an article in our local newspaper about Meth - the Monster. It was four stories - one of the boy - 21 years old and living in the streets, faking injury and calling 911 so he could have a warm place to sleep and food (in a hospital), getting arrested for petty things so he could have a warm place to sleep and food (jail). The other was from his parents and how they finally gave up and put him out. They have a restraining order so he cannot come back to their home. Two others were young kids (20's) who got into meth and their stories of torment, and eventually recovery.

Dear Lord, I hope it doesn't come to that for me.
but...signs point to at least that result.
My son is going to work every day, lots of court dates in our future. But I take it one day at a time -try to stay focused at work and in personal life - if I think about it too much it drives me insane.

Coping with this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do - mental exhaustion all the time. But, this site is my refuge - I'm not alone and so appreciate all the posts and information here. I don't know where I'd be today without this site.

I think the hardest thing to deal with is the guilt that maybe I haven't done enough. Am I missing that one thing that will turn it all around? I've prayed for the words to get through to him, but nothing works. I know he loves me, doesn't want to hurt me, but he's consumed by this lifestyle.

I HATE METH!!!!!

luve
piphany
Re: Son out of jail again, does it ever get better?
me too pepper, me too
pepper
4308
the new "meth"
I've been hearing on the news lately that there's a new herbal 'drug' out there, very hallucigenic (sp?) that might take the place of meth. Egads- will it ever end?

Why can't we find euphoria in a sunrise, snow-topped mountains, a field of wildflowers....the things God intended to bring joy?
Why does it have to be induced?

Sorry - it's Friday - long week - and I'm just so tired!

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