Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

pislander

Hi, I have posted once here before and that was maybe 7 mos. ago. My 43 yr old daughter is a meth addict and has been for well over a year. She has lost everything, 4 kids, her job, her home etc. She is bouncing from house to house and contacts her sister that lives in the same city now and then. She will go to her sisters, shower, eat, sleep and deny and ague the fact that she is not using. Is it better for her sister not to let her come over and get the good things in life, knowing that she is just going to go back to the streets? IMO that is just adding fuel to the fire. My addict daughter won't talk to me as I have told her that I will not help her continue her path of destruction. I miss talking with her and leave her messages now and then letting her know that I love her and tell her that when she is ready to talk treatment to call. Of course she never calls.
Now, here is my biggie question. She has a warrant out for 2 counts - 1 for dangerous drug violation and the 2nd for Drug paraphernalia violation. When I know she is at her sisters should I call and let the authorities know where she is and have her picked up? The city she lives in has drug court, but I am not sure how that comes into play. We know that she will never seek treatment on her own and I feel that the only hope we have is for it to be court ordered. I also feel that outpatient won't work and that it would have to be extensive in house treatment. I don't want to carry any guilt for my actions. She talks crazy and is paranoid and imagines some of the wildest things. This hurts her sister and I to the point that we feel there is no hope. Could someone here please just give me a little input or steer me in a sane direction? I am so afraid that she is going to end up dead, I actually pray that she will get sick or in an accident and have to go to a hospital and maybe we would have some hope then. I cry myself to sleep and wake up crying over this. I live far from them so do not have daily person to person contact. I have no one to talk to about all this insanity so any and all suggestions will be much appreciated. If I rambled to much, I am sorry, I am shaking to death right now, not knowing what to do.

jacks
mom

Re: Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

I would call up the police dept. in the town she's in and talk to a 'higher up'. I have the experience that the authorities will somewhat 'work' with you if you are rational and discuss your concerns. My daughter's probation officer was a little easier on her as I chose to be involved in her recovery and probation stuff. She was and still is a minor, but when you have a 43 year old that's 'way out' then maybe the same can work with you.

Don't do guilt if you decide to turn her in. She did this to herself! If jail is the only way for her to be clean for an amount of time that makes her feel half way good then it's better than not making the call. Hopefully in that time she'll realize she DOES need help!

no more
mething
around

Re: Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

Knowing what I know now...I would vote for having her picked up if drug court would be an option. There are many people on this board who have turned their loved ones in. It's a life saving measure. If she were dying any other way, would you not do what you could to save her? The enabling of the sister shouldn't be happening either, but you said it's an occasional stop....not a living situation.

If she has warrants, it's just a matter of time anyway...right? The sooner she goes, the sooner she may be able to be helped.

Something we say here: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it for her. And some time in the po po clean and an offer of drug court may or may not make a difference. It's up to her.

Visit crystalrecovery.com family support board for some other views for family members. Click the link on the right side of the ad up top on this page and go to communities. You will see family support board there.

Good luck, and come back here for support for yourself. Let us know what happens..

Brn7
more

Re: Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

My daughter used to do the same thing to me. I knew letting her come and take showers etc. would just enable her to continue using. I just couldn't lock her out....I also used to pray she go to jail or SOMETHING. She did a few times until she finally got into enough trouble to go to drug court. And then I was not sure she would do that.....but she did and she graduated and this past week she got out of drug court. She is doing well for herself and I try and help as much as I can. I am proud of her and am praying that she does not want to ever go back to that way of life. You really have to want to stop and be willing to do whatever it takes...... I don't know if any of this helps...I hope so. Good Luck

pislander

Re: Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. You have confirmed what I want to do, but just needed a slight push in that direction. I have called the authorities once before and asked about having her pick up....how long would it take etc. Their answer was whenever we have time, could be within 2 hrs or could be as long as 72hrs...problem is she is never at her sisters long enough to know.
Is her sister enabling when she lets her come over to clean up, sleep and eat? I sometimes think so, but she says "Mom, I can't let her starve". This is tough. I am also having to deal with the Asinine fathers that got custody of the kids. 2 of them went to one father and he will not allow me to talk or write them, and the other father has already shipped the boy off to a state institution, which breaks my heart. He is 14 and never saw his dad until the courts awarded the father custody, and then his dad only kept him at home with him for 6 mos. I have been allowed to write this grandson and I do get letters back from him, which is so good that he writes back.
I hate Meth and the chaos it has caused in so many lives. I swear that there is no light at the end of the tunnel with this evil drug and pray to god everyday to rid the world of it's horrible hold it has on so many.
Thanks for the link to crystal recovery - I will check it out. I am going to post a little prayer that I say everyday that always gives me hope and for the time makes me feel better. Maybe it will do the same for others. God Bless all of you.

Naiev
Newlywed

Re: Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

Quote:
When I know she is at her sisters should I call and let the authorities know where she is and have her picked up?

I did - I have no regrets.
My husband will have served 17 months for possession when he is released in January.
He has only one chance left with me. If he uses again, I'm afraid I will have to turn my back on him.
As far as 'how long' - when I made the call, I told them "I don't know how long he will be there for". I called the county sheriff's office - they called the city and they were at the house in about an hour.

Good luck to you. And I'll tell you what someone very wise reminded me of -
Would you rather visit her in prison, or at her gravesite?

But remember - this choice isn't for everyone. You have to be able to let go of any guilt you may have afterwards.

pislander

Re: Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

Well, I did it - I called and told the local authorities that there was a warrant out for my daughter and where she is. That was late, Sunday, Nov 5. My daughter left her sister's on Tuesday and as of that day, they had still not been out to pick her up. Now, I have no clue as to where she is.
I have asked her sister not to keep allowing her back in her home to shower, eat and sleep for days on end. I feel that she is only using her sister, and that it is not helping any. Am I right or wrong here?
I have just heard what I consider troubling news and would like an opinion on what those of you in recovery think. The sister (my older daughter) has just dropped the bomb on me that while she was attending NA meetings (to help herself out) she met someone and became involved and "Fell in Love". This guy is a recovering meth addict....used meth for 4 yrs....went to prison for 2 1/2 years and claims to be clean for 2 years. The big bomb she dropped is that she is marrying this guy, tomorrow, she has only known him for around 4 or 5 months. I am concerned about his background - Should I be, or am I over reacting? She has left this guy become involved with family affairs concerning my meth addict daughter and one of the grandchildren. I feel like I have just been hit head on with a freight train. I am definitely going to "Let Go, and Let God. I just can't stay on this roller coaster hell. Both of my girls are adults - 43 and 45 years old. I am in what is suppose to be "My Golden Years" of life, well the last year has turned into the most miserable year that I have ever spent in my entire life.
Thanks for letting me vent, I am hurting so much and it helps to get it out.

JamieJ
1979

Re: Should I turned in my meth addict daughter?

Where I live the drug court option is only offered when you get arrested and appear in court for that charge, it's not offered for people that have been charged and then for some reason didn't take care of their obligations and then got a warrant issued for their arrest. When a person chooses drug court they are allowed to pick the treatment center of their choice, say they are a heroin addict and want methadone or they are a crack addict and want detox--they are allowed to choose. There isn't one standard treatment option for all. As far as inpatient treatment, I don't know anyone that has gone inpatient for drug court. Everyone I know has either chosen intensive outpatient treatment, detox, or methadone. I'm a recovering heroin addict so that explains why I would be around people that chose methadone. Anyways, I know that if a person chooses drug court instead of just doing their time they have to really be in compliance or they risk returning to jail. Say a person on a drug court program gets a dirty urine drug screen, they get what you call a sanction. The first time this happens they might have to attend a lecture, the second time they go to jail for one night, the third time they return to jail to serve their original sentence. It doesn't matter if the person has been clean for a year on drug court and then messes up to the point where they have to do their original sentence. Say they were originally sentenced to do a year in jail but they chose drug court, well if they mess up they still have to do the year in jail. That's how it works where I live anyway. Some hardcore addicts choose to do the jail time instead of drug court because they just want to get the time out of the way. If the addict gets a new charge while on a drug court program then they have to do the time from their original sentence that got them into drug court plus whatever time they get on the new charge. Thankfully I never got into trouble with law for using drugs. I did get arrested for minor in possession of alcohol at age 19 because I was drinking in a bar with a fake ID. I also got arrested in a Las Vegas casino when I was 19 for trespassing because I was underage. When I was dancing I got a ticket for lewd conduct for dancing too close to a customer, the customer was a vice cop working undercover trying to bust dancers dancing too close to customers. Silly, and what a waste of tax payers money! But that is the extent of my criminal past thank god. I never stole to support my habit and I didn't hang with other addicts much so I feel I avoided getting into trouble because I just worked and bought my dope off the same guy daily and used it at home.

Sounds like you love your daughter and you are doing the right thing as far as letting her know you love her and that you will be there for her should she want to get out of the life but you aren't going to let her drag you down with her while she's living the life of a addict. It's hard to not enable the addict, it takes a strong person that really loves the person that's addicted. Take care and good luck.

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