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Why did you quit meth?

Sos1988 Why did you quit meth?
I'm losing the war really....I try but only slip farther away....relapse seems almost inevitable. I'm just wondering why did you quit meth? Why did you walk away and not decide to go back what made your life worth it? Just wondering about what made you feel "whole" enough to beat the meth monster.....was it worth it?
Sfj Re: Why did you quit meth?
I quit because nothing ever good ever came from using meth.
But here's what I got from using:
These are some of the things I've gone through, some are not as bad as they were, some are healing or healed, some are "lasting."

Desperation, paranoia, STDs, hospitals, lost jobs, evictions, busted relationship, bills I can't pay. Bill collectors, foreclosure, car repossessed, self-loathing, loss of dignity, loss of integrity, loss of friends, loss of self-respect, loss of self-control. Lawsuits, Fear. Sick thoughts of perverse sexual behavior. Thievery, hanging out with bottom dwellers, crawling through trash piles, dumpsters, and dumps, debauchery, getting ripped off by dealers and so-called friends, sickly skin, speed bump skin, dental disaster, pain and suffering, panic, hollow empty looking facial features, hiding from everyone and everything, ripping off those I love, urine in a jar or bottle, risk of liver and kidney failure, heart attack, stroke, riding to the hospital ER or morgue. Unable to think, unable to focus, horny as hell and unable to get laid, unattractive, ugly, smelly, looking weird, sick, deathly, putrid, premature aging, premature aches and pains, getting in debt to the connect, unable to cop, unable to get high because I?m too damned dirty, late for everything, dope really doesn't work much any more, people avoided me as much as I avoid them, long-time friends don't want to see me or have anything to do with me, can't go to the bathroom because my plumbing quit working due to meth addiction, more panic, more paranoia, hiding, turn off the lights so no one can see me, garbage hasn't been emptied in weeks, missing a vein and getting abscessed, lung disease, scars that won't heal, sores that won't heal but get worse, filthy living conditions, loss of humanity, strung out on porn, too scared to commit suicide and to too desperate not to. SICK. Neurological devastation. Unending remorse, shame, and guilt.

That's about all I can think of right now, there's a lot more I'm sure, but it gets depressing just to look at this list.

Quitting meth is very difficult, recovering is one of the hardest things I've ever done, the only thing harder is not recovering.

We meth addicts will stop when the pain of continued use exceeds the fear of withdrawal.
Re: Why did you quit meth?
I quit (the last time) because I was too insane to find work, after I lost my job, and my apartment.
........and wondered around the streets of Vegas,
for 3 months thinking I just liked sitting at bus stops drawing pictures, ......and didn't sleep enough to need an apt.
after taking out 9 payday loans to buy more speed with...
....I drained every resource available.  my mom said. no more money will be sent.....a bus ticket is waiting when you're ready to come home.  and she lives in "the land of no speed"...so I had no choice.  I could have gotten worse of course......but I was at my peak...for strung out, ghoulish, insane ....I gave it my all.

I healed some in the last 14 mos..............but I was devastated by it.  it took 20 years, but it got me good.
.....squirrelly, fiendish + no money = 0 speed
Re: Why did you quit meth?
SFJ really pretty well said it.

I quit because I got arrested again and was tired of having warrants. The reason I stayed quit though was that as I sobered up for the first time in years and started really taking in other people's perspectives (sober people) I began to see exactly what SFJ said.

When you can get yourself away from the insanity long enough... if you let yourself you can see how much using takes from you.

It doesn't only take from you if you let it, it doesn't take this but not that, it doesn't only take what you choose to give it... Using will take everything from you if you take long enough to quit.

Doing dope feels good.. better than anything else I've felt... but the consequences that come from it hurt much much worse than anything I know either. It isn't fun running from the police, it isn't fun finding yourself facing people with guns over some stupid BS, it isn't fun waking up in some guy's kid's room in his trailer because he lost his kids to CPS a week ago and knowing that while it was his addiction that ended him up there it was your dope he was using. I could go on and on, the dirty, filthy, disgusting memories could fill a novel.

It's easy for us to try to gloss over all that and somehow glamorize the life we lead... but that's BS, and the further you get yourself from it all the more clearly you see that leaving dope behind wasn't leaving something sexy/good/alluring behind .. It was leaving behind the worst thing that ever happened to you.

We cling to our identity as addicts and the justifications for the things we did because for awhile it's all we have. If we don't hold onto those things we don't know who we are, at least in my case, I had forgotten so much of who I was sober. You find though that the longer you stay clean, if you focus on positive changes in your life, if you really pursue goals, in time you will be able to let go of that identity you're still trying to protect because it isn't you anymore. Because as you live life you reinvent yourself, you find new things of value and so you can finally accept just how bad it all was and move on.

I am not a masochist, so now that I can see clearly what meth really was in my life I choose not to go back to it for the same reason I won't put my hand in a fire. I don't want to get hurt anymore.

That's why I stayed quit. Or how I stayed quit.. or something.

Just my thoughts, I apologize if some of it was kind of jumbled or hard to understand.
Re: Why did you quit meth?
I quit because nothing ever good ever came from using meth.

Yeah I feel the same way. I mostly quit cause I wanted to be
a nurse and the only way to do it was to QUIT. I quit at age
21 and I am still clean

Re: Why did you quit meth?
The reason I quit was because I was faced with losing my children. Initially that is. I stayed in recovery because I have people I am accountable to that I can never imagine not having in my life if I chose to once again pick up.
In fact, the reason I am sitting here right now writing this is because I felt like drinking tonight. My daughter and I got into an argument and I left the house. I came to my office and decided to see how others were doing tonight. Because although the urge to do something, anything to cover up...to not feel my emotions is so strong right now, the last thing I know I will do, is pick up a drug or drink. This way I know that when I leave this computer, I can head home I can say I'm sorry for arguing with her, but it won't be for getting loaded.
You have to find your own reason why. Often people will say, "you have to do recovery for yourself", and this is true. However, you also have to have something that motivates you enough, that reminds you, because let's face it...we addicts are pretty hard on ourselves. We often don't love ourselves enough, so until we can...find a supportive, loving person (not that co in your life) that you don't want to let down and play the tape all the way through. If you can see yourself getting high, see yourself going to jail, or prison, stealing from that person and losing that persons trust, and possible friendship. That's what addiction is all about. If that's not important enough to you...then keep looking for someone you can be accountable to, and keep them in your life.
In time, you'll learn to live recovery for yourself. Remember...the journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.
Re: Why did you quit meth?
I quit because i ended up in the emergency room. I felt like my heart was going to explode. All i could think about was my kid's. I truly felt like i was going to die and i almost did. How could i do this to my kid's. When i walked out of the emergency room i walked away from meth and have not used since. It has been a huge struggle. But it is well worth it.
lax2 Re: Why did you quit meth?
Hell yeah its worth it. TO FEEL, and not feel lost, like an empty shake shell of a lost soul.
I'll just say a lot of what Spase said I understand completely, and will let his eloquent words echo my thoughts.
Plus like Mystical said I had wound up in the ER & ICU twice within 6 months, not to mention a week long coma.
Somehow thru staying clean I realized everything else life has to offer is a lot more valuable to the feeling of being tweaked, however exciting that may have been or seemed at times. I want to live.
Penel0pe Re: Why did you quit meth?
I quit because I found myself in my 40's with nothing but losses to show for my life. There's more to it but I think everyone else has it pretty well covered.

SFJ - that was brutally honest. There were some things on your list that I didn't know about you. You sure have come a long way in five years - RECOVERY WORKS!!!

Thanks for your honesty. You sure made meth VERY unappealing for anyone who reads your post!
Re: Why did you quit meth?
Why did I quit?
Quite frankly , because I couldn't find any.
Seriously. When I went through my addiction, meth wasn't as easily found as it is now.
It had to get here-Ky- from California to be worth having.
I ran out, wigged like a mofo- big time.
Called everybody and their grandmother just about- at 2 and 3 in the morning no less- begging, crying, what can you fix me up with............

Good thing I didn't know I could cook it or else I'd probably be dead.

Now that you know I quit involuntarily, would you like to know why I stayed quit?
Because I didn't see a sunset or a sunrise in over a year, because I missed my last child's first words, first steps, first birthday- it is all a blur.
The only images I have is what few pictures were taken during that time.
I look at them- me skin and bones- so horrid- with my lovely baby girl, she was 4 then, and my youngest son on my bed-
we were making my bed up and I flipped the sheets, made them billow and land on my son's head-
my daughter had some kind of something in her hair that she had made- a headdress of sorts-
they were both laughing- OMG, just cracking up-

and there to complete the picture is Mom, light of their world, dead to the world- no emotions- just making up the bed so I can get in the kitchen and scrub it down then on to the bathroom , scrub it , then back to the living room to vacuum and what not-

and I missed a most beautiful memory day- one I only know through the photo I sometimes pull out of my closet so I can remember why I stayed quit.

I have been clean for 11 years and never once regretted a moment of it-
I have nothing but regrets of the one year that I spent lost.

There is life after meth- there is no life with it.
Lisa Re: Why did you quit meth?
Why Did I Quit?

Because I every time I looked into my son's trusting eyes, I couldn't stand myself. Even though he never knew about my using, I knew I was, and the guilt finally got too bad to bear.

Was It Worth It?
Y - E - S !!!!!!!

(Although, to be perfectly honest, not for a while. It was REALLY ROUGH GOING).
Re: Why did you quit meth?
I quit when I realized I was just chasing the dragon.
The element, the people involved with the meth trade. The lies, the psychosis.
I found myself lying face down in the muck, and putting others down as they had to step over me.
I lost respect for everything and everyone. I became a poster child for sociopaths and antisocial behavior.
And I was quickly killing my internal organs and my immune system.

The only thing worth my addiction was my discovery of myself and my recovery.
Re: Why did you quit meth?
I always thought I wanted to die.
I tried to give my life back the first time when I was 13 or 14.
After that, I tried many more times in many different ways. The last time was my 13 year run with meth.

Finally, the day came when death was imminent; I could sense it in the room; death had finally seen fit to have me.
And in the moment when I realized this, for the first time in my life, I found myself wanting to live instead.
For the first time in my life, I didn't want death, I wanted life.
So I chose life and ran like hell with it and never looked back.

That was July 1, 1996, and I've been clean ever since.
Re: Why did you quit meth?
Well, I didn't quit intentionally. I was actually getting ready to get in my car and drive until I passed out and wrecked. I had been up for several days and didn't have the guts to shoot myself, although there was a shotgun in the house.
For one day, just one day, my sick, using, now ex-husband had some clarity. He came home unexpectedly, saw the shape I was in, loaded me up in the car, and drove me to treatment.
I weighed 109 pounds (I am 6'). I had blown out most of the veins in my arms. I was pregnant. I didn't even have the strength to hold my head up straight anymore.

Does that answer your question?

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