KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Can our son quit drugs, 'just like that'?

peg59	Can our son quit durgs? Well, today the phone our son had got turned off. He hasn't worked in 4 months and we just could not afford it any longer cause it is in our names. This last bill was over $160 dollars. He has not used it to try and get a job. He came over last night and said that Monday he was going to get a job, but he has been saying that every week, and that he was thru with dope and all that stuff. Can he just quit like that? I have been reading all your posts here, and it seems like to me he cannot quit on his own. He stays alone in our small house. I read that someone on drugs does not like to be alone, and he doesn't, he does not have the mental capacity of even trying to work, pay bills, cook, and all that. Now he has no phone, job, and probably no gas. I have read that if someone is trying to quit, they get very depressed. I am at a loss now as of what to do. Should we go check on him everyday and try to talk to him, I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be grateful.
Replies...
jes78	Re: Can our son quit durgs? for me, i couldn't quit "like that", but i am reluctant to give advice because i don't know your son and i don't know if he's still using or not. i can tell you what worked for me. for a long time my mother tried so hard to help me. she would pay my car payments, insurance, etc. i told her i needed a car to get to work or i wouldn't have a job. she also paid my phone bill, w/out a phone how could i call my sponsor? my mother loves me soo much that she helped and helped and helped and finally after a long time she learned that for us, she wasn't helping me, she was enabling me. i told my mom all sorts of stories to get her to pay all sorts of bills and to live in her home, all the time getting high. i am not a bad person, and wasn't then. i love my mother more than life and i did then too, i just didn't feel then. the only suggestion i can give is this, maybe you can sit and talk to him and explain that if you are going to help him, he has to help himself. if you think he is using, maybe it would help to attend a meeting. I'm sure you will get lots of good suggestions. good luck!!
peg59	Re: Can our son quit durgs? Thanks for the reply, I don't know if he has used in the past 3 days or not, cause he has slept a lot since Friday night. He gets so angry at us, his father and me, but I have read that people who have not used in a few days become very depressed and suicidal. It will be hard I know trying to get him in to a meeting or anything like that, cause he doesn't think he has a problem. If he has any more dope on him, we don't know. It is such a mess.
JUST CATS	Re: Can our son quit durgs? I learned this lesson the hard way~ an addict will tell you anything that you want to hear. My addict always said he was looking for a job etc, but never got one. He would also tell me "anything," in order to get his hands on some money. If your son has been sleeping a lot lately, he may have ran out of money and cannot buy any meth. It's just a thought. I hope that he really is trying to quit on his own, but I seriously don't think that he would be able to stop, just like that. Have you ever thought of buying him one of those cheap, cells phones, where you buy cards with so many minutes? That way, you could keep in touch. You can get them at Wal-Mart for $20.00. Buying the minutes can add up, if he is going to use it a lot though. My addict had no concept of what money was, since he was pretty much using mine... Hold tight Peg. If he is quitting or out of meth, and cash, he will become quite ugly. Stay out of his way... Take care sweetie
peg59	Re: Can our son quit durgs? Thanks for your reply. I know that he can get quite ugly if he is out of dope and money. I thought about one of those phones, but my husband is saying no, if he wants one he can get a job and buy it himself. I know my husband worries just like I do, and all we want if for him to get some help. I thought well maybe I will get him one and call it a xmas present, but don't know if my husband will approve that or not. He said he has had enough of this stuff to last him a lifetime. I feel caught in the middle a lot
Bent But Not Broken1	Re: Can our son quit durgs? Peg- If nothing else, make sure he has some high protein food, water, and check on him as you can. If he gets violent, don't hesitate to call the police because safety must come first. You'll know if he needs to see the doctor for any physical and/or mental health emergency. Sleeping, angry, now no cell phone....let's pray his "fiends" can't find him and he is coming down from meth and will be willing to get help for his addiction and unable to get more dope. I'm sorry your heart is breaking and you are feeling caught in the middle. Keep reading and learning so that when the time is right, you can talk to your son in a way that he knows you understand his addiction and you are willing to help him get treatment but you aren't going to condone his addiction or help pay for it. I'm still keeping you and yours in my prayers. You keep posting to us and stay safe.
peg59	Re: Our Son (bentbutnotbroken) Thanks for the reply. One more question if I can. I am really learning a lot on this site, but still have questions I don't understand. Every time he wakes up for a while, he wants a lot of sweet stuff. Why is that if anyone can tell me? We will check on him tomorrow and makes sure he has enough good food to eat. I will take my husband with me. If the friends I know about where he gets this stuff can drive 75 miles they may find him, but I doubt they will make the drive, cause they really don't care.
jeninoz	Re: Can our son quit durgs? Hi Peg, Did you ever visit the Naranon site? Remember, you didn't CAUSE it, you can't CONTROL it and you can't CURE it.
vctry7	Re: Can our son quit durgs? I don't know anyone that just "quit" on their own without turning to something. For me, it was church. I have never been to NA or to rehab. Though, if I could do it again I would go to rehab. I should've learned more about what I was going through and I think rehab would've helped me tremendously. I do know that addicts will say they are quitting all the time and not do it. I would "quit" for a week or two, or a month or two. I even "quit" throughout my pregnancies, but I always went back. I refer to it now as just taking a break from the bag.
Ldy Lesa	Re: Can our son quit durgs? Peg, we've been through a lot of this with my step-daughter. We even bought her a pre-paid cell phone for xmas last year and she got another one from her aunt...she sold one and used the other one up quickly without using it for what she was suppose to use it for. We won't even get her a calling card at this point. Its not our fault they don't have a job. Its not our fault they don't have a car. Its not our fault that they don't have a phone. Its not our fault they feel all alone. Its not our fault.. its not our fault...its not our fault. That is what we tell ourselves day in and day out. Her crisis is not our crisis. Does it stop the worry? No. It does not. We will always worry about our children. Our daughter has stopped using meth for now...at least she's passed several tests for her probation. But she's turned to alcohol and once her probation is up in April, I suspect she will fall back into it again....I know it sounds harsh not to trust that she will stay clean.. but she really hasn't done anything at all to show that she's truly in recovery. She's not gained steady employment. She's not done anything to get closer to her son again. Never staying at one place very long. No real way to contact her. She has tons of excuses. I've pointed her towards places she can get help. I work for a major university and get a tuition discount...I told her how she can use her intelligence (she's very smart) and apply for grants and go back to school. I gave her information on agencies that can help her, etc. She's done nothing. But she once again, has tons of excuses. To me, true recovery is more than just not using.
So much guilt	My son Austin Hi Peg. I think it's important that your son knows your concerns and love to help him. Share this website with him, Share my son's story with him. My 22 year old son took his life in August of this year. He was having a 6 year love affair with crystal meth. Please visit his website.www.austin-hesse.last-memories.com You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless
luve piphany	Re: My son Austin Jill, my prayers are for you and your family. I will go to your website and treasure your son's story. Thank you and welcome to a place where people care. Peg-Keep on prayin for strength