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Daughter using meth, needs help and mom can't live like this anymore


Robin Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Well, when my daughter had the flu and was clean for 4 days she was so much better. then on the 5th day she ran out of here with her tweaker 31 year guy friend that looks 51 and is creepy as all get up.
since then she has been tweaking. she refused to come with us down to the family's house on Christmas. the ride down there was hell because i ended up crying off all of my make up and had none with me. Nice to show up ugly as hell. 

she left again last night at 7 PM with HIM again saying she will be right back. got home at 4 ish AM I know this because I couldn't sleep and I laid in her bed at 4 AM.

I told her we can't take this anymore and she must choose treatment TODAY or move out TODAY. I will pay the first 30 days of a storage and she will have to take EVERYTHING.

I just can't do this anymore. I have a son that is almost 17 and I watch him hurt and take so much abuse from her. she refuse to go by any rules at all.

it will kill me to do this but it's killing me to live this life again.

any advice?

help please
     Replies...
Imget
inrite
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
It sounds to me that you already have the right idea!
It will not be easy on you... but watching her destroy herself must not be easy either

Good luck to you
Robin Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
It's tearing me up. She had it all. and now she became this super @#%$ that is so "entitled" to everything, she is so disrespectful. it was just another kick in the teeth when she left because we where signing papers to get money from our house to pay for the stupid dealers truck that i destroyed. this has turned me into someone that i am not. but I can say this...I'm going to be a wrecking ball to that dudes life. I'm starting with his job then at the police department. i seen him on his "my space" with a cop partying so that cop is also going to get it.

I'm done!!!!!! I'm Pissed!!!! I'm hurt!!!!

most of all I am worried!!!!!! so that all is making me crazy and I'm going to make them all regret it as much as they made me regret it.
So much
guilt
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Hi Robin. I truly feel your pain. It's not easy, but the best thing you can do is stick to your decision of treatment TODAY or she leaves. Tough love isn't easy, but sometimes it's the only way. You can't let her destroy you anymore. I kicked my son out when he was 17, still regret today. I thought at some point he was really going to pick himself up and he did from time to time only to allow the meth to grab a bigger hold on him. Austin, who turned 22 in April, took his life this past August. It's so painful and I have so much guilt. But I also believe in my healing process that I did every thing I could do, meth kills. Please read my son's story, light a candle, share it with your daughter. I hope it can give you and her strength to see you don't want it to end this way. www.austin-hesse.last-memories.com
God Bless You and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
imlost
inky
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
{{{HUGS}}} Robin.
You did right. You can't control her addiction but you can determine how much control her addiction has over your life.
You have to look out for your son. It isn't right, it isn't fair.
I am sorry, I really am.
Time4
Change
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Robin I'm sorry things are going this way for you and Ash. It's heartbreaking to watch you child throw it all away. My children are young. I pray I never have to endure this again. There father's meth addiction is enough for me!

What I'm wondering though is the cop... I know I don't feel comfortable with my local police department. I feel they are corrupt. If you have a "partying cop" in the mix chances are he knows how to get around the system... Maybe you could talk to someone with the state patrol.
imlost
inky
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Word of advice from someone with experience- don't mess with the dirty cop.
You don't know how far up it goes.
As the one I came in contact with told me, you can't be everywhere all the time.
Leave it be.
Time4
Change
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
So we should all look the other way. Live and let live - Or let die cuz it's there choice and they're living in he|| or at least headed there if they are involved with meth.

It's sad. You not supposed to let fear control you but when it comes to a crooked cop everyone advises out of fear to look the other way. Sometimes it feels like a war that can't be won.

I'm not disagreeing with leaving the crooked cop alone. I agree. It's what I'd do. It's trouble I wouldn't want and wouldn't be equipped to handle.

I'd love to rid the world of this sh!t. But reality is I can't and there's very little I can to other then be an example of the good life and send loving vibes of hope and compassion to those sucked in by meth that there is a better life.

edited to add...
I guess the point is be careful when acting in anger. You might bite off more then you can chew.
pepper
4308
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Yes, please please please be careful when dealing with law enforcement. My son used to deal meth, and I was shocked to learn who his "clients" were. Attorneys, doctors, police, etc.

And, I know first hand what can happen if you mess with a dealer. My son's apartment was robbed, his truck stolen and he was 'set up' twice with stolen merchandise. These people will stop at nothing to protect their interests. I've heard of beatings with baseball bats, houses burned down...they don't care about anyone.

Please protect yourself - don't be a vigilante. Focus on your daughter - that will take more than enough energy. She needs to know that you love her, no matter what. Please don't give up on her. Deep down inside, under all her pain and drug haze, is the daughter you remember. She can come back, but it will take time, love, support, prayers.

I'm praying for you and your family.
Nala Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Robin-
Ohhhhh how I can relate. Only I am the sister of an addict, who is pregnant and BF is a dealer/user. How many times have I thought of making the BF "go away" and I mean "go away". Now he is going to be a father for the 8th time all at the age of 29.

But your daughter and my sister have something broken in them we cannot fix. They will cling onto another addict, dealer whatever to take the pain. Taking 1 person out of it is not going to take away your daughters pain and only cause you more.

Let her find her way, let her recovery be hers, she has got to fix herself. I feel your pain and prayers to you that you find peace for yourself. Take care of you and your son, he needs you now!!! You are not a bad mother do not let guilt drive you!!!! My mom will and is destroying herself over my sister. My sister seems like the sane one at this point!!! Prayers to you!!
pcejp Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
I have been thinking about you all day. It sounds like you have pretty much made up your mind either treatment or storage for her stuff. I hope you have the courage to stay strong.

I remember my husband saying that he wasn't going to let our daughter's meth use destroy our lives or our 30 years of marriage. As much as their use changes our lives, please don't let it totally destroy you. You still have a family that has to go on.

Your daughter knows that you want the best for her (a drug free life) and how much everyone loves her. She knows you will be there for her when the lifestyle she is leading is no longer for her.

Best to you for the courage to get through one of the worst things we can go through.
writer
jp
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
I remember a few years ago, I got super sick with pneumonia and I was in the hospital for like a week. Two days after I got out, I was using again.

I think that you are already on the right track.  Good luck with everything. I hope that it gets better.
jes78 Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
robin, control what u can. you cant control, as much as you try, what your daughter does. you can control the way you react to these things. i wish i had the words to make you feel better. i am praying for you.
Terry
Ca
Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Robin,

I'm so sorry for your pain! I think that you are making the right decision making your daughter move out. She has to follow some basic rules within your home and I don't think that's asking too much!

My daughter has been using for 4+ yrs and I wish I would have gave the burden to my higher power sooner. Trust me on this one, the sooner that you do this the better you're gonnna feel.
Robin Re: Daughter using meth and mom can't live like this anymore
Just a fast check in. she is trying very hard. she went to an NA meeting.
thanks for all of the prayers.

See also:

Functioning Meth Addicts - How long can they live like this?


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