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Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing

3ITB Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
this is going to be long so I'm hoping there's someone out there who is willing to take the time to read this and give me some thoughts.....thanks for your time and patience.

i don't know where to get the proper information. i have spoken with rehab centers, but the information is so general and they can't speak 'off the cuff' about such a topic or make assumptions.
perhaps you guys can help?

my daughter's father claims to be in recovery from cocaine since 1999. however, after going through rehab with him and trying to support his 'changes' for 2 years, his behavior was still dangerous and i left. at that time, there were several indications to prove that he was likely not clean since 1999 (financial statements, etc) - but he has stuck with the claim. (he was a heavy, heavy coke user for 3 yrs - unbeknownst to naive me who was planning on leaving him for being abusive - and in rehab they declared him addict, alcoholic, OCD, sex and love addict and assumed him to have ADHD)

in court, i was able to get sole custody with very liberal access provided he drug test twice a month from 2002 to 2006, and once a month thereafter until 2010. the clinic was to notify me of any missed or failed tests.

in Sept 05, he neglected to pick up our daughter at school and left her there alone. i was notified and got her, and phoned him after she went to bed - leaving a message. he emailed me 4 days later and said he was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again - no question as to how she was, what happened to her, and no call to her to apologize. i called the clinic and asked about his testing (i had done this sporadically in the past, but they always said "he was just in"). this time they told me that he had not been in and further investigation led to the realization that he OFTEN missed tests and was rarely in when he was supposed to since 2002. many of the tests he "was just in for" were after the 24 hrs allotted by the clinic - he would go in on his own time. obviously, that doesn't count as a random test if he plans for it.

access was denied until he would tests within 24 hrs. he went in after 72 hrs. we gave him access b/c my lawyer said he showed to be clean. he then missed the next one. again, access denied. this time he went in after 48 hrs and got it back. after the 3rd miss in a row, i denied access until he provided 3 random tests consecutively. he begged to provide tests twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) for 2 months in order to maintain his access. i agreed. he missed one and went in the next day. i let it go. then he did it again.

this time i denied access, without negotiation, until he provided 3 random tests in a row. that was a year ago. he never did them. in fact, he rarely called her and then his calls stopped altogether in April. he recently called her on her birthday - after 7 months of no contact - left her a message with a window of one hr to return his call, but said he'd call her the next day. she has not heard back from him since.

just prior to her birthday, he finally sent a letter from a lawyer and asked to regain access. he has stipulations, though. he wants 48hrs notice to attend the clinic (every clinic here has a 24hr policy), and he wants to test twice a month until 2007 and that's it. (we have said no to both requests).

there's the history. here's his claim:
he says he has been clean all along and that the reason he doesn't test is b/c he is "too busy" and that he also hates that i "make him do this and have this power over him." he claims i won't let him get on with his life and forget about his past, and that I'm acting like this out of principle and b/c he never did step nine with me and claims that i am bitter about that. i have been told that someone in recovery would unlikely speak like this as it does not take ownership.

so here's my question.....how long does cocaine, or whatever he could be taking, stay in his system and is it likely that is why he is trying to get 48hrs to go in for random test calls and going in late for most that he does attend? is it really possible that his claim that he does this out of spite hold true - as he will use that in court? i have a hard time believing that he just prefers to not be a dad and not see her for years. we learned that the only reason he has recently sent us a letter is because his father dragged him into the lawyers office b/c they want to see their granddaughter (i have been advised by a child psychologist to let them visit her in her home, as they have demonstrated an inability to be trusted with her (longer story), which i have done. but they won't come here). so his going to a lawyer isn't even b/c he wants to see her of his own volition.

she is doing very well. it took her a long time of crying at night and then she stopped talking about him. after a year, she has become very stable and grounded (she's 7). she was happy when he called on her bday but hasn't spoken of him since, but i know she will be ecstatic to see him again. my concern: he told me a yr ago that if i make him test, he will miss it again at some point and lose his access, despite what that would do to her. his solution is that i should just stop testing him so that i can "stop being responsible for the harm it inflicts on our daughter." i know that if/when he comes back, he will come back after a year, after she has accepted his absence, and then he will do it again. and she is older now for it to have a stronger effect on her. i know i can't stop that. but I'd love any feedback that can help prepare me for a defense in court on how to respond to his claims to a judge.

i hope this makes sense. i realize I'm rambling now. i just don't know where to turn for info or what to believe anymore!

thanks for taking the time. you're very much appreciated~
vctry7 Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
I am not sure how long Cocaine stays in a person's system. I do know that urine tests are easily beaten.

I think you should ask for a hair follicle test. From what I have read, they are the most accurate and will go back months.
3ITB Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
good advice. i did that in 2002 when we were in court and he shaved his head and body b4 he finally went. he still has no (and i mean zero) body hair and his head is only a few millimeters long. last time he waited until the judge insisted b4 he finally went. he would just do the same thing again, making his head hair irrelevant.
Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
"7 months of no contact"
"shaved his head and body b4 he went"

vctry7 Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
I read that pubic hair works, too.

I say he is using. All the indications are there. But, I understand you have to have proof for the courts.
3ITB Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
thank you for all your replies. and the link - it's helpful.
sometimes there are so many stories and so many 'reasons' that i feel as if I'm losing my mind. i just want to make sure my daughter is safe. physically, but also emotionally.

your responses have been helpful. so have all the postings i have been looking at. this is a great site.  thanks for your care in my situation.
Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
I wouldn't be so sure about the testing periods on that site because I checked the same for meth testing and it says 3 - 6 days.

I would find this information to be a little suspect when my former partner managed to avoid having his meth use detected in 7 years of random drug testing in the mining industry by withdrawing from use 48 hours before returning to work.

A two-day dry out is all the guys in the mines use and they can test clean in even less time if they use flushing and various other techniques a good addict learns in his travels.

So with regard to your daughter's father and his access, I would insist on 24 hrs to show up for a test or no deal.

He has a point about not subjecting your daughter to the distress of cancelled access visits however his rationale for canceling the drug testing as a criteria has a typical meth addict ring to its logic. He would have to make it all your fault and accept no responsibility for being the cause of her upset.

Instead, now that your daughter is 7 and has to some extent become accustomed to his unreliability, I would be inclined to be honest with her that her daddy has an illness and can only see her when he is not sick...which isn't very often.

I have found that kids are a whole lot better with an absent parent than one who constantly disappoints or represents a bad influence.

All the best to you.
3ITB Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
thank you k8. your words give me confidence to know i am taking the right steps and confidence to feel at ease at confronting the stories from the other end. sometimes it's really helpful to hear an unbiased and objective opinion.

thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm grateful. cross your fingers he either pulls it together or lets her be until he's ready to be there consistently. i couldn't agree with your words there more~

thank you again-

Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
My husband only declined drug testing when he knew (or had doubts) that the result would be dirty...

I required him to take random drug tests at my discretion while we were separated... if he refused or failed, our daughter stayed with me. He never did fail, but he refused several times.

IMO, it's all the same... he might as well have failed those times when he said no.

And the manipulation is simple meth logic... he's certainly not in the wrong (delusions of grandeur) -- it's YOU. (NOT)
3ITB Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
that's a good way to look at it. I'm so glad i wrote here.

i have a question for you, though....if he has been using the last year, or several years (reason why he has refused to test on time since 2002 and left his daughter the last year), wouldn't he be in the 'gutter' by now? when he came to me in '99 and told me he was addicted to cocaine, he was almost dead. any longer and he wouldn't have made it. the damage to his body, his nose, his lifestyle was huge. and it took him 3 yrs to get that bad, but it was a horrible state. I'm embarrassed to say that i thought he was highly abusive, throwing his life away inexplicably, possibly cheating as well, but i didn't know anything about drugs so it was a shock. of course, it all made sense when he came clean, but i had no idea.

is it possible for him to be functioning at work, and able to 'keep a handle on the use' for this long without reaching a state like he was in when i was with him? admittedly, i have no idea how he is in his relationship, nor do i know how many hrs he puts in at works, but he has a successful self-run business.

is it possible to have that and be using?
Sfj Re: Drug time in your body / system, need advice on drug testing
Yes, it is possible. In fact, many meth users keep a job and have the appearance of being quite productive. Meth is stimulant. It often stimulates people to work harder and longer and to be much more productive - for awhile.

Eventually though, it takes its toll. For some, that can be a few weeks, or months, for others, they can keep going for years, even decades.

Some addicts become exceptionally skillful at hiding use. I remember I would do things that only non-users would do, in order to hide my meth use. Typical meth addict behavior can be easily spotted, so some of us would behave in deliberately deceptive manners. Things like yawning (faked), complaining about starving to death, (faked) complaining about being exhausted, (faked) acting fatigued, (faked) giggling, (faked)
You get the picture.

Some addicts get an extra thrill out of being able to “get by with it.”
Another thrill is “I got over on them.”
“I’m cool, see what I can get away with?”
These things are real and some addicts take this activity to a high level of refinement.

Signs of meth use:
1. Lack of sleep, 2. Lack of appetite, 3. Nervous twitching, 4. Blaming others, 5. Grinding teeth, 6. Clenching jaw, 7. Seldom smile, 8. Avoid family and normal friends, 9. Unable to be responsible, 10. Dental and skin health gets worse. 11. Abnormally high amounts of energy, 12. Paranoia 13. Obsessive perverse sexual behavior, 14. Enlarged pupils, 15. Tweaking

Those are among the most common.

Ninety per cent of meth addicts suffer from pain of feeling extreme loneliness.
Meth use is like taking out a huge loan on future happiness and pleasure, with incredibly high interest rates and no grace period.

Please consider the following,
Stopping meth often results in:
1. Being Excessively Tired
2. Big Time Depressed
3. Overwhelmingly Lonely
4. Becoming Fat, Weight Gain
5. Total Lack of Ambition and Motivation
6. No Sex Drive
7. Severe Feelings of Despair
8. Possible Suicidal Thoughts
9. Panic and Anxiety Attacks
10. Nightmares About Drugs and Drug Situations
11. Bizarre Sleep Patterns
12. Many more problems too numerous to mention.

Here’s what you can do:
1.        Get as much info as you can
2.        Develop a plan
3.        Seek professional help
4.        Realize the truthful limitations
5.        Most importantly - Trust God
6.        Discard any notion that there is an easy magic answer.

Gambling Addicts can't understand Porn Addicts, Porn Addicts can't understand Compulsive Shoplifters, Compulsive Shoplifters can't understand Overeaters, Overeaters can't understand Drug Addicts, Drug Addicts can't understand Bulimics and Anorexics, and so on. Meth addicts, are by far, the most difficult to understand. That is because methamphetamine changes the natural biology and molecular structure in the central nervous system, the brain. A meth addict’s brain has been altered compared to normal brains. But don’t give up. Many meth addicts can and do recover.

Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

That doesn’t seem too encouraging does it?
But take heart, the good times will return – eventually.

Family members who think that as soon as an addict quits using must realize this. It will get worse, not better, for quite awhile. The only thing that will get better right away is the consistency of the problems. The problems will be there all day everyday and they will be severe, all day every day. When your addict was using, there were alternating periods of good and bad, up and down, energy and lethargy. But in recovery you won’t have to deal with the inconsistencies – it will be bad all the time. Constant chronic use of methamphetamine causes a biological change, a basic molecular change in the addict’s central nervous system and brain such that it requires meth to be anywhere normal. The brain becomes absolutely dependent on the stimulation that meth provides in order to function. When withdrawal occurs, serious problems are guaranteed to follow for a considerable amount of time.

Some people are concerned about things getting better instantly. In recovery, that is virtually impossible. Quitting using is barely the beginning. Just because someone quits, doesn't mean things are suddenly going to improve. Often it is just the opposite.

We meth addicts will stop when the pain of continued use exceeds the fear of withdrawal.

Please visit my website:

How Meth Addicts Think and Feel

Do's and Don'ts

See also:

Drug Tests and Drug Testing Excuses

Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice

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