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Husband in rehab

4molly Husband in Rehab
My husband has been in rehab for 21 days today. He is doing wonderful. I fly out for family week on Jan 1. I am excited.

It has been hard as we have two small children. This probably seems strange, but I do not know how to live in the peace. I have lived in turmoil for so long that his recovery just seems plain strange. I am reading books on codependency, but I feel so detached and strange because I don't know how to feel.

How do you change and learn to live normal again? My patience with my kids is still nonexistent. I am still really frustrated by everything, and yet I am so THANKFUL that my husband is seeking help. What is wrong with me?
Re: Husband in Rehab

but I feel so detached and strange because I don't know how to feel.

You don't remember "normal" but you do still know how to feel. You love your kids-that's feeling. You get frustrated-that's feeling. You get happy-that's feeling. You feel peace-that is feeling.

His struggle isn't over yet, rehab is just the start. That's why I emailed you that file. I felt it would help you along with your CR materials. Keep looking up and you'll have the best guidance around on how to deal with things-moment by moment, day-by-day.

Are you feeling just a bit lost this Christmas with him gone to rehab and no contact? Christmas is stressful for so many anyhow-so the holiday could be part of it too. New Year's is coming up...will he be home by then? Are the kids going out with you?

Molly, with all you have taken on like a true warrior, look at how far you've come in the battle already. Time flew by. You are strong and you are going to do fine and so is he.

Just for today...

Focus on now, and not so much the future. Face things as they happen. Keep your knowledge up-to-date on how he might be feeling and doing. When you go visit at rehab they will be a great help also.

I'm proud of you Molly and your husband. You know my prayers are going to continue for you all.

PS: Try and gratitude list/journal. Also, because you know the peace of God, you do know peace....I see you know thankfulness. You know more than you think you do already. This is some nerves setting in.


Re: Husband in Rehab
Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. Remember, there are 2 people in recovery in your relationship, and you have to treat yourself like you are in rehab too.

Drama withdrawals? I know them well. You get so used to functioning in chaos that you begin inventing chaos. Turn the focus on you... I know, it's hard. Your mind is still on him and the kids.

When my husband went to rehab in August, I kept wandering around wondering what the h3ll I was going to do with myself now. I did everything to keep myself busy, and dropped the stuff I didn't like. I'm teaching myself to cook. I painted the entire interior of my house and learned to patch drywall (got the holes covered up before he came home to see his wreckage).

Impatience with the kids... I'll get back to you on that. But, it has gotten better as I've begun lowering my shield and weapons.

There is life after meth... for us loved ones too!

Oh, and congrats to hubby on his 21 days!!!

See also:

Husband being released from rehab - Any advice?

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