|
The poor addict?
| girl6 |
The Poor Addict?
Why is it when I come on
here, I see A LOT of posts about the Poor Addict. They are sick,
they have a disease. They can't help it. There brain is messed
up... Poor poor addict.
Well what the freak about the families, the brother the sister,
the mother, the wife, the husband. What about them? Do you just
not get that they don't give a @#%$ if they hurt you, throw you
under the bus, cheat on you, lie to you? They DON'T CARE... and
to say oh they have feelings and that makes them want to use
more? Like by saying anything to them, its now your fault they
just went out and got high, b/c you made them feel bad? Give me
a break.
Its always been their choice. Nobody makes me get out of bed and
get off my ass, depressed or not, and go to work. I just do it.
I don't like. But that's how it is. I am so sick of everyone
codling them. I understand that their use is way beyond
the recreational. I get that. I know they want it...to just walk
around like the rest of us. But they DON'T NEED IT. They won't
die if they don't have it. I am just so sick of people, saying,
oh well he has problems and he is this, and that... poor poor
guy. what about your feelings? By your theories, if I cuss my
ex-husband and tell him he is a worthless piece of @#%$, and he
goes and gets high, well its my fault? Please... in the same
token, he can call me a whore, slut, wishes I was dead, and to
burn in hell... does that make me go out and get @#%$ up? No....
I understand they have problems. I agree. I understand they are
ruining lives. I get they are frying their brain. But its still
their choice to get messed up rather than get to the root of the
substance abuse.
But In that note, I think it needs to be said... there are MANY
addicts, that it is not addiction for them. Its life. I know
quite a few, they will never "recover" they will never 'get
better' - b/c they see NOTHING wrong with the way life is. There
is no bottom for them. but death. There is a MAJOR difference
between those seeking recovery and those not. And to tell
someone, have hope, there messes up blah, blah, blah their
sick... when they are actively using, and not working towards
any anything... puuuullleeassee! Why can't I say any damn thing
I want? Crying beggin and pleading didn't matter so you think
calling them out on their @#%$, is gonna hurt them? Whatever!
I take exception to the user, who is bending over
backwards to get it right. I will put myself out there to do
everything and anything to help. But if not? Peace out! Why
can't the non-users get a backbone? |
| Replies... |
| Guene |
Re: The Poor Addict?
girl6, As a Mother
of a daughter who put us through 8 years of hell, I understand
what your saying sweetie, Sometimes I would feel the same way,
what about me, her Dad, her grandparents, her brother, and
friends??? We have feelings, so I understand what your saying
OK. |
| Sfj |
Re: The Poor Addict?
May I differ?
IMHO you are looking at the wrong thing.
It isn't the addict or the disease the makes you angry.
It is the behavior. Isn't it?
Those behaviors would make anyone angry whether it was meth or
French Fried Toadstools.
"Meth gets too much credit."
When you focus on the behaviors instead of the molecule, or its
host, What do you think will happen? |
| Loraura |
Re: The Poor Addict?
It sounds like you have
expectations of how a user should act.
And how the rest of the world should react to them.
Expectations of how others should act or react will cause you
more resentment and anger, like the way you felt when you
posted, than anything else.
If I'm upset that people don't meet my expectations -- I'm the
one with the problem. I have a problem becauseI had expectations
that no one else agreed to live by. It was my expectations that
caused my anger when they weren't met.
When you remove all your expectations of how other people should
act, and just accept whatever they throw at you as THEIR SHYT,
and then decide how much of their shyt you want to take. Then
you are working with reality. |
| Guene |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Good point Loraura, But
maybe she is just venting out her anger, and sometimes it does
seem like we as parents or love ones are made to feel like we
are the bad guys. And your right about expectations, I believe
that it's up to Jamie to learn to deal and live with her
problems and I will sit by and pray that she will have a better
life if that's what she wants. I don't expect anything but to
live my life free from expecting her to be what I wanted her to
be, now she has to live her own life. And I will live mine. |
| FSOAB |
Re: The Poor Addict?
I'm thinking.....
Those little ice molecules tend to take a persons bad behavior
to New all time highs! Like nobody's business... Like, What the
F forever!!!! |
silly
veronica |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Maybe I'm way off, but I
think you're partly referring to my situation ... things that I
said to Chad about hoping his drugs and money made him happy,
and then Leslie replying that I may have made HIS situation
worse.
This is something I've struggled with all along. How much do I
feel sorry for him - how much do I hate him for choosing that
drug over the wonderful life we could have had - how much
is/isn't his choice?
I've never used so I don't REALLY know ... I only know what I've
learned from this site, what other users have told me.
I do understand your anger - damn straight I do. But I'm
realizing that having anger towards that shell of a person isn't
worthwhile either (because that shell isn't "getting it.")
Or maybe I'm altogether off and your post didn't have anything
to do with me (I put myself in the center of attention
sometimes). |
| Guene |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Karen I don't think your
off, we do get angry, and that's ok, nothing wrong with anger.
We cry, that's ok too, feelings are something we all have,
nothing wrong with that, its how we deal with them. Working on
them and dealing with them, everybody is going to feel anger,
sadness, happiness, and all kinds of emotions it's normal, it's
how we deal with them that counts. |
blinded
for2years |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Doesn't meth deserve all
the credit? If our "addict" didn't use meth, would they behave
the same? NO. Before meth came in the picture, my s/o never hit
me, never verbally abused me etc. until he started doing meth.
Yes, it is the behavior that I didn't like, but what caused him
to act like that when he didn't do it sober? |
luve
piphany |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Oh hell, you are just
talking about the whole shytty dynamic of this meth madness. It
doesn't make any sense what any of us NON-users think, know or
do-the meth addict is still a meth addict and every person needs
to find their own way to accepting that-user and non-user. Life
is full of changing thoughts, opinions, beliefs. It's ok to love
one day and hate the next-it's ok to feel sympathy one day and
pound on the tough love the next. It's ok to change and grow and
heal and get sicker too-It has to be ok, cuz that's LIFE! These
are real (hopefully) people who hang out here. That's all.
If we can't change, cure or control the addict....or other
people in our lives (which I believe to be the 11th Commandment)
and can only change, cure and control ourselves then...that's
what we have to do and that's what we each have to find our way
to by ourselves. I don't (most of the time) want to change, cure
or control any person on this message board (well, I am trying
not to).
Let it be what it will be
let the sad cry
let the angry vent
let the happy cheer
let the hurting hurt
let the teachers teach
let the crazies be crazy
let the insane asylum we call life be just that and change
ourselves |
mary
mary1 |
Re: The Poor Addict?
LoraurA.
I read somewhere about expectations. It said:
Expectations are resentments in the making, or something to that
effect. |
| Sfj |
Re: The Poor Addict?
To blindedfor2years
I still have to differ. Recently we’ve seen celebrities blaming
the substance. Mel Gibson blamed alcohol, Tom Foley did the
same. To me that is a cop-out, and a denial of responsibility.
That bottle of liquor did not call a cop some racist name or
make a racial slur. Gibson did. The liquor bottle did not write
lewd messages to Congressional pages. Foley did. Meth didn’t
lie, cheat and steal. I did.
I also chose to use meth. That was my behavior, which was my
error, I own that. I am responsible for my behavior. |
| RIP |
Re: The Poor Addict?
I need to ask, Sfj, Are you then
saying that you are responsible for your addiction? |
| Sfj |
Re: The Poor Addict?
I'm responsible for a the choice
I made - taking the drug.
A combination of elements are "responsible" for my addiction.
Addiction is a Biopsychosocial phenomena.
Chemical dependency is more complex than a simple answer can
provide but I'll try.
I can't change my inherited genealogy.
Nor can I change the past.
The methamphetamine molecule has properties that I can't change
also. Those all go into the first stanza of the serenity prayer.
My responsibility is now in my recovery. |
Naiev
Newly
wed |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Quote:
and then Leslie replying that I may
have made HIS situation worse.
Did I say that....if I did - I didn't mean
it to come across as you made HIS situation worse. That wasn't
my point at all.
My point was - he does feel pain and he does feel bad. It's like
kicking somebody while they're down.
Yeah - our addicts do it to us - it's their nature. They want to
make us think that nothing bothers them - they have all the
power - they have it good. So why do we have to sink to their
level and 'dig' on them when they're down. You know they're
down. You don't really think that it's all fun and games to them
once they reach the point that they're scared to stop do you?
I didn't mean for it to sound like your words made him use. His
fear of feeling / dealing with pain made him use.
Trust me - I know all too well the feeling of wanting him to
feel just as much pain as I have. It's called revenge.
They already know. |
nine
years
clean |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Okay, so you would rather
we treat you as "the poor loved one or family member"?
I don't get the whole "poor" anyone viewpoint anyway.
The addict is responsible for the quality of their life.
The loved one or family member is responsible for the quality of
their life.
None of us has to view ourselves or each other as the "poor"
anything.
If I am an active addict and I am feeling sorry for myself, and
I want others to feel sorry for me, but I am doing nothing to
improve the quality of my life, then I have no one to blame but
myself.
Likewise, if I am the loved one or family member and I am
feeling sorry for myself, and I want others to feel sorry for
me, but I am doing nothing to improve the quality of my life,
then I have no one to blame but myself.
We are each responsible for the quality of our own lives, and we
are responsible for setting the boundaries in our lives that we
will not allow others to cross because if we do, we allow them
to disturb the quality of our lives.
Hope that makes sense. |
Red
Hurt |
Re: The Poor Addict?
I completely understand this
post and maybe this is where I was really coming from in my post
(does the anger ever STOP), it is always my fault no matter
what, no matter if he is clean or relapsed or what - any bad
thing that happens is supposed to be my fault. Well any person
can only take so much ridicule or whatever you want to call it,
without their own emotions coming through. Then it's all my
fault again because I got mad and said some things that I
shouldn't have !! It is a vicious cycle that just never seems to
end. |
| vctry7 |
Re: The Poor Addict?
The only people in these
situations I feel sorry for are the POOR KIDS who can't do
anything about it. |
Naiev
Newly
wed |
Re: The Poor Addict?
Good post Lori. I agree....kind
of.
I do look at him as the 'poor addict' sometimes - because he
could not stop. I really think as far in the hole as he was - he
couldn't. He's told me 'it had a hold of me and it wouldn't let
go'.
I don't think I've ever considered myself the 'poor loved one'.
I take responsibility for the things that happened to me - I let
them happen.
He chose to dope - I chose to stay and try to hang on despite
the abuse. I wasn't chained there. He didn't have a gun to my
head. |
| RIP |
Re: The Poor Addict?
I beg to differ,
What is addiction:
Addiction is a habitual response and a source of gratification
or security.
It is a way of coping with internal feelings and external
pressures that provide the person with predictable
gratification, but that has concomitant costs.
Addictions to no matter what, follow certain common patterns.
The single minded grasping of a magic-seeming object or
involvement, the loss of control, perspective, and priorities-
is not limited to drug and alcohol addictions.
When a person becomes addicted , it is not to a chemical but to
an experience.
Anything that a person finds sufficiently consuming and that
seems to remedy deficiencies in the persons life can serve as an
addiction.
Just a different perspective. |
Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice
|
