KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Broken and torn about husband's meth use

silver starr	Broken and torn about husband's meth use I am a 34 year old wife and mother. My husband has a meth problem. It has become worse over the last 3-4 years. I left him a year ago because of his meth use. He straightened up and i went back to him. It was wonderful for a year. Now he has started using again. We are losing everything. He gives me no money. I am taking care of everything kids and bills. I am tired. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I know that he needs to hit bottom before he sees the light. If he ever will. I don't know if I should give him another chance to be a family or not. He has lied to me so much and so often that i don't know if i can believe him or not if he did say that he was going to quit. I am so upset. I have 2 children that i have to make my priority. I know that he loves me and the kids. But meth is coming up first. Please please help. I try so hard to make sure that i keep everything normal for the kids. But it is getting to be so hard. And i am sooo sad all the time.
Replies...
Corina 08	Re: Broken and torn about husband's meth use I am sorry to hear about your situation with your husband. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Your two kids are the priority and it is good you are thinking that way. I do believe that hitting rock bottom is what he may need to really clean himself up and get the help he needs. It's hard to be a single mom and live without the man you love....but I am sure it would be harder staying with someone who is addicted to meth and unable to do the right thing for himself and his family. I wish you the best....hugs to you and your family.
silly veronica	Re: Broken and torn about husband's meth use Welcome to KCI. What did he do last year to help him stop using? Did he go through any recovery, or did he just stop using (abstinence)? Abstinence is not recovery, as you've just witnessed. There are underlying issues that cause people to use meth (or any drug/alcohol) and until those issues are resolved, the potential for relapse is great. I understand you wanting to be a family ... but I would wait for ACTIONS (not words). Take care of you, and take care of your children - be supportive of him if he truly seeks out recovery, but it is for him to seek.
silver starr	Re: Broken and torn about husband's meth use No. He did not go into a program. He just quit. Said that he was strong and just wouldn't use anymore. I am going to talk to him on Saturday. Made plans for the kids to be away for the weekend. I am hoping that he will choose to do the right thing. Otherwise i am going to have to leave. It is the last thing that I want in the whole world. But i am just enabling him. I pay the bills buy the food wash his clothes... He blows all his money on Meth and god know what. He doesn't help me take care of anything. I am soooo scared. This is not what i want.
Really Sad	Re: Broken and torn about husband's meth use I was in a similar situation. Two kids- I am 35 now. I had to move away from my ex to keep me and the girls safe. It was not fair for the kids to see such turmoil. Up until 6 months ago, I was the "bad guy" for leaving. But now, finally, after 3 years he realizes I did the right thing, admits to his guilt, lies, and hiding his drug use. He really thought I was sneaking men in the house, and heard things that weren't there. He now says he realizes that it was the drug, but at the time, it was VERY real to him. He said at the time, he couldn't accept the fact that a drug could make him delusional, and he was so convinced I was cheating. He made himself sick over it and drove us away. If your husband REALLY wants to quit, I would be supportive, but with boundaries. Like Silly V said, if he doesn't DO anything, and just talks about it, nothing is going to change. My ex is finally seeking out meetings, etc, to get help. Good luck to you!
wendy	Re: Broken and torn about husband's meth use silverstarr I am so sorry to hear about your situation with your husband. I know how hard it is to love someone who is addicted to meth. And to hurt everyday feeling like there is nothing you can do. And can only imagine how hard it is with children. Only you can decide what to do. It will be hard either way. You seem like a smart woman. I think you are doing the right thing right now, putting your children and yourself first. Offer your husband help, but remember he has to want to get help himself. I wish you the best.
soso confused	Re: Broken and torn about husband's meth use Hi, I am in the same boat as you. Paying ALL the bills, while he is out of town "working." I never see any money, he never calls and leaves us for weeks at a time. I think the phrase "Actions speak louder than words" is very accurate. When he is coming down, he seems to come around, sleep and than cry to me about all that has gone wrong. Then I start to think things may go back to the way they were and then he ups and disappears! This pattern has gone on for over a year. Finding this website has made me realize how powerful this drug is. He once was a productive, working father and husband. Now he is a scrawny, unhealthy looking liar of a man. It is really sad. For me it is time to call it quits. For you, I don't know. Try not to enable him that is all I can say. It is very hard to give up the idea of having the old happy family again. Good luck to you.
nine years clean	Re: Broken and torn about husband's meth use Hi sweetheart, and welcome. You are not alone. Know that, if nothing else is sure in your life right now. Okay? *Quote:* But meth is coming up first. Sorry to say, but meth will always come first unless he is working a program of recovery, which more often than not, has to be voluntary, not forced. *Quote:* I know that he loves me and the kids. No doubt, the guy you know and love does love you and the kids, but....he is not the guy you knew and loved. He is a meth addict. It's not good. The only thing that means anything to him now, is meth...more meth...sorry, but it's true. I was a meth addict for 13 years; been clean 10+ years; I'm 50 now; I lost everything that ever mattered to me; I know of what I speak. I look back and I can't believe the hold that shyt had on me. Yes, there is always hope, but I think you have your hands full just recovering from this sick relationship and caring for your children at the same time. His addiction: his responsibility. Another thing: addicts are academy award winners when it comes to blaming other people for their "problem". It is never their fault; never their responsibility; never their own doing. That is classic addict thinking. But that is a lie. You didn't cause it. Your kids didn't cause it. You can't control it. Your kids can't control it. Nor, sadly, can you, or your kids, cure it. Get away from him; get you and your kids safe. That is the best you can do right now.