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Dealing with the addict's family
| Juliett55 |
Dealing with the addict's
family
Hi all.
I don't know if this is true for anyone else but a lot of times
an addict's family is very dysfunctional, even when it seems
perfect on the surface.
I'm very close to my addicts family, like an adapted daughter. I
practically don't talk to him anymore but I'm very close to the
family and can't just break it off. The family doesn't know
about his addiction, or if some of them do they think he has
been clean for a while.
I love them, but if I make one wrong move or even just feel a
little sad inside I get criticized, they can read me right
through, no matter how much I fake being happy. They all have
this incredible sensitivity gift in reading other's mood.
I feel stuck, trying to let go of the addict, so he can grow on
his own (it got to that point), but can't just walk away from
the family that is very dysfunctional.
Any advice? |
| Replies... |
| imlostinky |
Re: Dealing with the addict's family
Juliett, you wrote :
Quote:
but can't just walk away from the
family that is very dysfunctional.
That suggests to me that possibly you are
still stuck in the co-dependent mode.
You are using to inflict yourself with those that are not
healthy for you out of some obligation you feel because you were
once involved with their son.
Quote:
They all have this incredible
sensitivity gift in reading other's mood.
That isn't always a good thing. Are they
reading your mood out of genuine concern? or as a way to
manipulate you?
Quote:
I love them, but if I make one wrong
move or even just feel a little sad inside I get criticized
That sounds like more the latter than the
former.
We are quite often as sick as our addicts. It is important that
you work your own recovery.
Give yourself permission to set boundaries- what you will allow
and what you will not.
You are not obligated to put yourself in an emotional abusive
situation.
It's okay to give them your love, wish them well, and move on.
In fact, in your case, that may be exactly how you need to be-
for your own well being.
Fix you - they can take care of themselves. They are grown. |
FSOAB
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Re: Dealing with the addict's family
Julliet,
Hello.. I tend to think that a true friend is someone that can
listen, suggest and try to understand. I call bullcrap on anyone
that wants to treat me or tell me otherwise. A true friend will
also call you on your bull.. I'd be re-evaluating how close I
was to that family..
My opinion
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| Juliett55 |
Re: Dealing with the addict's family
Its not codependency, I actually don't have a choice. I just
need to learn how to deal with them and not put myself in the
victim's situation. It's worse because. the mother doesn't know
about his addiction, not that it would help him anyway. But I'm
too much a part of the family which has nothing to do with the
addict.
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| TnSkye |
Re: Dealing with the addict's family
My
therapist told me that if I don't want to feel anxious or uneasy
to not put myself in situations that will surely make me feel
that way.
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See also:
Recovering addicts and the loved one of the addict help each other
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