KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Meth addicted husband cheating sexually

jenn2b	Meth addicted husband cheating sexually i have been living with a meth addicted husband 8 years. We have been married 15 years. I find this site very helpful in terms of how a loved one should be towards the meth addict; however, i have a problem with his sex life. Not with me but with escort services, the women at his company. He searches dating web sites etc. I know it is the effect of the meth on the CNS (central nervous system) that is responsible for his behavior but how do i hang on with someone like that? We have 2 boys who just adore him. We are slowly trying to separate but would be devastating for them. Any suggestions?
Replies...
luve piphany	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually Go to the Doctor and get every STD check including HIV. I think you are quite kind in saying that you only "have a problem" with his sex life. If you should by chance have any need to let out any stronger feelings about your cheating husband, please feel free to vent here. You will find support from every angle. Do you go to Naranon or Alanon? You would find support for yourself and the things you are going through as well as the days ahead.
forget suzette	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually he cheated on you......who cares if he does speed. I did speed and never cheated. ........some things you are born with. yeah, it gives you a sex drive... ............but, if he cheats, that's his choice. you can get hurt (like STDS) if you don't watch out, thru him messing with "escorts" when the trust is gone........so am I. good luck to you. ...it's just my opinion.
danimal 55	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually Correction jenn2b HUBBY IS responsible for his behavior, his addiction...as well of the state of his CNS. To think otherwise is enabling him, making excuses for him, and giving him a soft place to land rather than hitting bottom and being held accountable. Sure meth gets some credit, but not all the credit... far from it. Hubby DID choose meth and he continues to choose the associated behaviors. OK? What may prove to be the most devastating for your two boys would be to stay in a marriage with a man who has no interest in recovery and an appetite for "escort services" and "dating web sites". I'd be getting checked for STD's and keeping him at arms length...or more. And jenn2b....what about YOUR [and the boys] birthright to peace and happiness? & YOUR [and the boys] recovery from this gut wrenching atrocity, do YOU [and the boys] get to hit bottom and begin your own emotional healing and pursuit of happiness? Answer > [YES]
vctry7	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually You have gotten very good suggestions. I would like to add that I also used speed, but never cheated. That is two separate issues, in my opinion. I think it is probably harder on your children to live in the instability of an addicted father, rather than just to get on with a somewhat normal life. Only you know what is best for your situation, but I do think you should be very concerned about your health. There is no such thing as 100% safe sex.
jenn2b	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually i am currently not sleeping with him. Thank God i found out the truth by snooping! Who knows how long this has been going on? I found out by reading texts from his phone. Things like &###@% me! A reply back that said, can't right now "heavy flow". This all happened on Christmas eve. Told him he needed to move out which basically he has done that. He owns a company which is where he stays most nights. He comes home on week-ends to spend time with his kids. He has not abandoned them as of yet. He tries to be active with them as much as possible. But i just get conflicting messages to loved ones about how to treat a meth addict. I definitely would say I been there with enabling as well as co-dependency but I am at the end of my rope and am ready for my own healing, that is why i came to this site. My original message about Meth and Sex was just to get insight about normal behaviors of someone addicted to meth. Do most meth addicts stray for something sexually exciting? Anyway, thanks for all your help and advice. I am slowly moving on. I am a survivor and put him in God's hands!
luve piphany	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually Oh Jenn2b, I'm sorry for your pain! You need lots of love right now and DO NOT be afraid to ask for it. You know and I know that no one can have a normal loving relationship with a meth addict. THEY ARE NOT NORMAL in any way shape or form-hence nothing they do is "normal" or logical. Once they join the meth addiction gang, we loved ones notice the changes and they only get uglier(both the changes and the addict in my opinion). Well, if statistics on posts here were taken, there would definitely be more sexual cheaters than not in the meth addiction world. There are those who have not experienced the sexual betrayal in the midst of meth addiction and there is also a lot of lying that goes on. Regardless of why-It isn't because of you or that you weren't loving or sexy enough or adventurous or sleazy enough-it is HIS problem and HIS DISEASE-SICKNESS and there is no way to excuse it or justify it and no reason of goodness to. I'm sure you have years of frustration and not-understanding as well as a million whys. Put them to the side and LOVE yourself and the kids-please. I'm glad you feel safe in the STD department-I know it's such an ugly thing to think of, but dangerous infections of all kinds are running rampant in the meth addict world because of the lifestyle of many in that world. Some have consciences still in the throes of addiction, most have lost them or can't /don't want to listen to them. Often the recovering addicts here and in the 12 step programs talk of the "Pain" they felt whenever they thought of the loved one's they were hurting and have said that meth did a great job of pushing that pain away. It's time for you to surround yourself with love and healing so you, in turn can pass that on to the kids. I have been told many times that the "kids" know and feel way more than we moms can ever imagine.
lynne	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually I've been on this site for the same exact problem my ex also spent all the time online looking for sex partners and i found texts from whores asking for meetings. he did everyone it seemed: men too! and men into s and m! couples, porn, hookers. i mean the list was endless. i thought we were a couple and he said he only looked. we did not use condoms ... but i found them anyway. got tested but not for HIV yet. that was the most crushing part was the cheating. it always is. the rest i could have managed but not that. it's been over for a few months now and we were not married but the pain from this has been ASTOUNDING. i cannot see how i could have continued in such a relationship. a woman (or man) has to get out until they change. it's just not fair otherwise. if there is one thing i learned: get strong enough to say no! to him and get out with your dignity intact.
soso confused	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually What is everyone's take on this whole idea of meth users that have significant others looking for sex everywhere with other users and prostitutes? Does it really rev up the sex drive that much? Or do you think it has something to do with self-esteem? They are down on themselves but sex makes them feel better? I just don't get it. I am a female so maybe that is why. I can't understand how it could make so many want to have sex outside of their relationships with risky, strange partners. What is everyone's take? HELP!
Kell happy	Re: Meth addicted husband cheating sexually I am female. I was probably one of those "whores" in some people's eyes. I wince every time I see that word, because I don't consider myself a whore, but I think that's how some people would define me, considering the sex life I had while using. My self-esteem was in the toilet before I started meth, and only got worse. Also, my judgment was not very good. I was not making good decisions, after all, putting meth up your nose isn't a very good decision. I do not use the same decision-making-process today. I would not do those same things. I am still working on my self-esteem, but it isn't in the toilet anymore. I am married, and I don't cheat. Don't want to. I think meth gave me a false sense of being indestructible in one sense. I have been tested for all the STDs. I got lucky. I'm clean. Also, I think that I was in a state of mind where I truly didn't care what I did. I didn't feel anything. I was numb. No emotions. Sex was just a way of maybe getting a rush. When I was homeless and living in my car, sometimes it was a way to get company or a place to crash. I honestly don't think I considered the implications of what I was doing, or the possible outcomes. When I did my first line I can remember exactly what I was feeling, "What the f**k?"....I honestly didn't care what happened to me. I think I was looking for the coward's version of suicide...if I die I die. So, the rest of my behaviors were pretty much a reflection of that. Didn't care. That's what it was like for me.