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How do meth users walk away from their kids? 


ruinedby
meth
How do meth users walk away from their kids?
I was with my ex for 10 years. We have a 6 year old together. He was a wonderful father the first 5 yrs until meth took over. My ex used to work a lot of overtime which drove him crazy cause it kept him away from our son. Now he goes weeks without seeing our boy and I wonder how he can do this? He says it hurts him so much to be away from us but actions speak louder than words and he never calls and asks can I see him or how is he doing. I guess my questions is for those of you who were using heavily did you think about your kids? If you did how did you stay away and why? I guess I'm having a hard time believing his words that he really does love us cause his actions make me think he no longer cares. I can understand if he no longer cares for me but not our son. He didn't even get our son anything for Christmas. I could see if he had a lot of kids but he only has one. It's like he forgets our boy exists. I know there are deadbeat dads out there and that has nothing to do with meth but that wasn't him he was father of the year before meth took over his life.
     Replies...
BentBut
Not
Broken1
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
you don't want "those folks" around your kids...we love you enough to stay away.....keeps you safe. These folks will hurt you physically, rob you, does this make sense?
soso
confused
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
I don't understand this either. My husband has been away many times for weeks at a time. He does tend to return on important days like Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays so I know he isn't completely out of it. This time he has been gone going on three weeks. No phone calls, no forwarding phone numbers. How can he not call and know what is going on with his kids? They have even pleaded with him to not do this. He cries to them and says he will not do it anymore, yet he turns right around and does. It hurts me so much for them. Like you said, I can understand me, but the kids. It doesn't make sense. I can't go a day without seeing or hearing from my kids. Also, I make sure I am always with them. I overcompensate for him. I have no life of my own, but that is okay because I love them and want them to know they can always, always count on me. They are much older than your son. It doesn't matter though, kids are kids. They don't stop needing a parent just because they are older. In fact, I think it is worse in some ways, because he used to be so good for so long and then poof, he disappears.

forget
suzette
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
It's so hard to explain, we can't even find the words to describe......even to each other.
we (addicts) just "know" what we all saw, and felt in the mouth of madness.

It's a glimpse of demonic insanity.....It did seem crazy to me, I didn't care, but I liked being so far gone, I liked being entertained by the dark side.
....Doing speed smoothed it all out.  like astronaut training.....you're viewing another ....very very dark side of humanity.....there were days I wouldn't go out until dark. I knew I looked like a ghoul....I knew I was insane.
but I wallowed in it like a pig in sh!t.

pigs know it's sh!t they are wallowing in.....but there's something in them that makes it ok.

like retarded people look happy........they are unable to eat of have organized thoughts, dress organize...but they don't care...they sit there and smile while you call them retards, they don't give a fat rats ass what you think......it's like a perk you get for being retarded, you get this overwhelming feeling of well being that breaks when the speed runs out.
obviously when the spell is lifted and you are on a dung heap.......you go back to the dealer and turn your dung heap to gold again.  you think it spins straw into gold.....but then, it's only you, who could see the straw was gold when it's all over......and it never was.

forget
suzette
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
sosoconfused~

....we defend, protect, cover, and are extremely loyal.
we jump thru hoops like trick poodles and smile back at it
....it says...you gotta do more.
it's the most hardcore brainwashing, scam, lie, hoax, slap in the face betrayal there is.
we stay with it for YEARS.
....we build our life around it.
we love it, we're married to it.
it's like we are in this group that was screwed over by the same con artist.
...and the mothers whose children fell into a cult.
like Jim Jones.
it whispers the same promise in all of our ears and falls short.
it gives us an edge on the world.
....but soon the entire universe has the edge on you.
and speed laughs in your face and says...you poor fool.
I feel like my best friend threw me out of the car I picked it up in.
.....and I just woke up beaten, and alone on the highway
Every single time you do speed, you are paying for it in natural well being.
I wanna die  ..I wish it killed me.
one more run for me? I might get the guts to pull that trigger.
when you've seen the things meth has to show you.
....you won't belong in the "normal" world.
. it's dark, and you are unable to see what's really happening, to you.
....you will lose everything you ever cared about,
you'll become self absorbed, greedy and secretive, psychotic, paranoid, scattered, sketchy, obsessive-compulsive, repetitive behavior, it will captivate you and blind you while....
.............the new personality bores a place in your brain and starts to rot it out...
how far you decide to fall will determine the extent of your damage.
......if you stop now,
(and we know you won't,.... and furthermore we'll know the outcome before you ever guess what hit you)
when you finally are unable to support your habit, you'll be faced with selling your soul or not.
...you'll either have sex for it.
or quit.
you'll never be right again...you ability to receive pleasure naturally, your ability to feel joy....will be
lessened.   it gets your dopamine.....the demon eats it all, and lives in your head instead.........the demon will never go away.

I have a bad demon tied to a chair in the rotten part of my brain that stays forever. that demon, is greedy, self absorbed, sketchy, unable to hold a job.
none of those things are me.

this drug is like a lover you are completely in love with,
deeply and you believe it loves you. it will betray you...
while the important people in your life beg you to leave,
you can't see how bad he's fuking you.
it lies, it steals, it makes your loved ones stand by helplessly as they watch you rot to death and go insane.

METH DESTROYED OUR ABILITY TO ENJOY LIFE AT REGULAR SPEED  WE DON'T FEEL GOOD WHEN WE DO IT ANYMORE  WE DON'T FEEL GOOD WHEN WE DON'T  WE MISSED SO MANY EVENTS OF OUR LIVES AND LET A TWEAKER REPRESENT US! ....SOME PSYCHOTIC TWEAKER!

IT LIED! IT SAID IT LOVED US!

IT WAS MY BEST FRIEND ...and now I look like I lost my best friend.
 
BentBut
Not
Broken1
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
Ah--but we can choose to recover!
It sucks sometimes-but I know it beats meth by a million!

Yes Suz....you do write poetically...very gifted. A few things I swear you must have been in my brain.....LOL.

You are a gift of my healing also Suz......Thank You.

So much
guilt
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
Dear Ruined by Meth:
Addiction takes the #1 seat to the addict. They have no control over what they may think is right, it's only to get high and stay high.

Meth is the devil drug and it doesn't matter if the addict has kids, families, friends. Meth will totally take charge and that will be the only concern with the user.

You have to step back and be strong for your children and yourself. Don't lie to your son about why his dad isn't around. I truly believe holding back the truth from kids will only hurt them more when they learn the truth. And they will. And your son may already know what's going on. Your son will turn away from you because you also lied to him and couldn't trust him.

My 2nd marriage was to a drug addict and alcoholic. Of course I didn't realize it at the time, it was hell for 13 years of marriage. He beat me and emotionally destroyed me. We've been divorced for almost 8 years now!!! I had a son from a previous marriage and we had a son together. I know that my 2nd husband had a lot of impact on my oldest son's choice to turn to drugs when he was 12. I tried to protect Austin and Austin hated his step dad, until about 6 years ago when they decided they could do drugs together. Austin would go thru periods of hanging out with him and periods of hating the man again. Austin took his life this past August. Meth had such a hold on him he couldn't see any other way out. I hate my second husband for a lot of things and for doing drugs with Austin, parents shouldn't do this. He still continues to be lost in his addictions. He hasn't seen his son Daniel, who is now almost 11, in a year. He lives thousands of miles away and visits have to be supervised by his family because nobody trusts the man. He calls Daniel maybe 4 times a year, he sent him a Christmas card with money that arrived 4 days after Christmas. He didn't call him on his birthday last year, it was 2 days later. He owes $18,000 in back child support. His addictions control him every day. Daniel is aware of this. Daniel also knew of his brother Austin's addiction and crime. I didn't hide this from him. Daniel misses his brother and we do and will continue to tell Austin goodnight every night, but he seen what the end result of drug addiction is. death. This will make Daniel a stronger person. He doesn't talk about his dad much and doesn't even ask to call him.. Anyway, I'm babbling on and I could continue..
I miss my son so much and wish I could go back in time and change things, but I can't. Austin's addiction to meth and other drugs was his choice. Several attempts to help him stop using didn't work, he wasn't ready. By time he really was tired of the grip meth had on him, it was too late to stop. Please visit his memorial website, light a candle, read his life story, share with everyone.
www.austin-hesse.last-memories.com
May Austin's story give strength to stop the addiction of meth.
God Bless You and your son.
jes78 Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
my kid was taken, so i used more, cause i couldn't feel that. does it make sense? no. i used to cover up feelings, even though the using just makes it worse. that's why its insanity. are we bad people? no. we make bad choices. that doest mean we don't love our children. our actions may not show it at times, but i hope that changes for your family.
Broken
N2
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
I can only speak for myself..

I lost a 12 year marriage and 3 kids...the marriage thank God its gone...but my kids different story.

I used hard-core because I wanted to die without them. I used and used and used some more. I got my kids & got clean when my X went to jail and got clean...and ya know what....I used some more...and had to take them back to their Mom.

Its a disease...I couldn't stop using because I didn't have the tools and wasn't equipped to stop. Most addicts are ashamed of their disease so they become withdrawn and isolate themselves.

For me man...I LOVE my kids!!!! But I myself even now while in recovery find it very hard to call my kids because of the shame & guilt that I have..

I'm getting better and for now that's all I can do!! Hopefully one day my kids will see & know how much I truly love them...hopefully one day soon we can be closer and spend more time together...BUT for today I have to get better for me...for them...
Tender
hearts
KS
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
The LAST thing I wanted to do when I was actively using was spend time with loved ones. I knew deep down inside I was screwing up.

I've pretty much raised two girls on my own. Although it would have been nice to have loving, participating fathers, the reality is that didn't happen.

corty
shell
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
Girls,
I have been posting these questions for years here and to be honest I will never understand.

See we have to be the strong ones, take care of the kids not let ourselves fall apart because we have to make up for the fathers.

I try not to question it anymore or even try to figure it out, its a fact of my life and my sons life. I admit I do ask when something really bad happens and I just want to fall into a puddle on the floor.

KCI is where I post when I'm feeling like falling apart.

I wish you well, and that you find the strength you need to get over this.

imlost
inky
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
Ruinedbymeth , you asked

Quote:


I guess my questions is for those of you who were using heavily did you think about your kids? If you did how did you stay away and why?

I didn't lose my kids - but my sister did.
She never did drugs until she hit 30.Had always been a wonderful mother to her son. She would get off the phone with me so she could spend time with him, doing homework, reading books, just a really good mom.
Very devoted.

Until meth. She was gone from line 1.

The summer she got really bad, the beginning of her hard run, she brought him over to my house with a change of clothes for the weekend at the end of May, first of June.  August came, it was time for school, he was sick, needed a doctor- and I had to have an operator do an emergency call because I didn't even have her phone number.

She came and picked him up never really realizing it had been that long. It was just a weekend to her.
He went home with her for awhile then had to go to his grandmother's because she couldn't keep up with the days to get him to school. He missed so many days simply because it was always Saturday to her, Sunday to her.
Whatever day she shot up - and painted door hinges, that is what day it stayed until she crashed and woke up - sometimes weeks later. Sometimes months.
She didn't mean to abandon her son. She didn't intend on abandoning her family.
All our lives, I had been all she had- all I had. She just lost track of time.
Honestly, knowing what I do about what her existence was like when she was running dope, it was the greatest act of love she could do for her son to not have him there.
He didn't need to be there- and she didn't need to be with him either in the shape she was in.
No child should have to go through that.

She has been clean for 10 years now. Her son did come back to her home. I'd like to say they made good and nice and all was well but it wasn't. There was a lot of anger and resentment on his part. Counseling would have been nice.  They are still healing from that time frame.

What you can do to ease the hurt and pain for your kids, speak honestly but not in a demeaning way about their father. Reassure them the problem is not them- help them keep him in a good space. It's hard, I know that firsthand- but believe me when I say you will be glad you did. They will be the better for it.

Good luck to you. Addiction hurts more than just the addict.
It is hell for all.

Popeye Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?

How can I walk away from the kids? I wonder if they are thinking.
How can I walk away from the dope?
When dope is in the picture. It comes before ourselves. If something comes before ourselves. Then anything is else is secondary.
The dope lies to us there for we lie to ourselves and anyone else that gets in our way of using.
1st dope then me then whoever. Whoever has dope is first then me then whoever.

Everything is on hold while were using. While others are holding on for hope that we will come around.
We our holding on to hope that dope will come around.
Nothing matters but dope. until we wake up and see that.
We are still sleeping with meth.
What we can do is not focus on how bad they are but focus how good we are. Show our kids what we do have not what we don't have.

Hugs to Yo

Sfj Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
Sick people do sick things.
Here's just one example.

www.parentsbehavingbadly....t-assault/

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9758632/

Meth addicts are sick people.

ruined
bymeth
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
Thank you all for your responses and insight. I'm sitting here in tears right now. I understand that addition takes over and becomes number 1 but when I look at my beautiful babies it kills me to think that something comes before them. I have a 6 yr old son and I am also raising my 14 yr old niece (actually my ex's niece) her mother is a meth addict and her father he's just a deadbeat parent. So I have 2 kids and they both have addict parents. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have the kids it's hard being a single parent but they're my reason. I just look at them and see how wonderful they are and it kills me because it's like the other parents can't see how special they are. I talk to them both about there parents. I don't talk bad about them. I tell my son that his daddy loves him and that he's doing some things that aren't that good so he stays away until he can fix things but that he didn't do anything wrong and that his daddy will never stop loving him. Our son says my dad tells me he loves me when I see him but he acts like he doesn't care about me anymore. I don't tell him daddy is sick because I'm afraid he'll patiently be waiting for him to get better and I don't know when he'll get better. I have long talks with me niece and let her know not to take her parents actions personal because it has nothing to do with her. I just wonder if they see how special these kids are?

My ex always promised our son that when he was old enough to be in sports he would coach his team. He left right before that time came, he rarely makes it to his games. Our son always waits and hopes for him to show up. When he does come to visit us which is about every week or 2 he just sleeps while his son tries to wake him up because it's been so long since they've played and actually spent time together. His dad went to jail for about 2 weeks and when he came out we got to see the old him. Our son was so happy, he still says remember mom we saw him and he stayed nice for 5 days. When he got out of jail he would walk to the school everyday and pick up our son. He even cried when he heard him read because he had no clue how smart his son has gotten in the 1 1/2 he's been gone. I still remember when he came to his basketball game and he was so happy and proud cause all the other dads were like is that your boy he's so good (he plays everyday so he's a star on the court).

Some days are so hard because I miss my old best friend and son's wonderful father so bad. We were robbed of him and we need him so bad.

I work for social services and it's so depressing to see so many other parents walk away from their children and not come back. We have so many children that live in shelters because both parents are addicts.

Kell
happy
Re: How do meth users walk away from their kids?
Of course it doesn't make sense to leave your children...
I have more than one friend who left or lost their kids.
I am eternally grateful that I had my son after getting clean, and I am vigilant in my efforts at recovery not only for my own life, but for his as well.

It isn't as though we addicts don't love our families.

The thing is, with meth, sometimes we love our drugs more. I would have been the same as my friends if I'd had my son before quitting, no doubt. Meth was the #1 important thing in my life, and I alienated everyone I already did have in my family while using it.

Part of the power of meth is its total control over making the addict feel happy. It is falsely making us happy, and when you take it away it is worse than the worse depression.

It is a high, it is a rush, it is euphoria and every false good feeling you could ever have magnified exponentially. It is huge, powerful, and deceptive.

An example might be this: family, including kids, are of course some of the most important people in our lives. However, when we do meth, it becomes GOD. God in the way that Allah is God to Osama Bin Laden, and just about as healthy. (when I say "we" I don't speak for everyone, but for myself") We would follow it anywhere. Away from every good and loving thing. Away from everything that makes sense. Away from reason and love and logic and pride and dignity and hope. Away from self-respect, away from self-worth, away from any other meaning.

It isn't fair. It isn't right. It is hard. Nobody wins. The families are hurt, the addict is hurt.

Hopefully, with recovery, we can all heal.

It is not guaranteed that the addict will seek recovery. But, you can. You can seek the recovery for loved ones. Going to Nar Anon or Al Anon could help. Learning about codependent relationships by reading books or finding other groups. Posting here and sharing with other loved ones, seeing what has worked for them. You see, you deserve some healing, and some tools for coping with the addiction in your family, too. When addiction is in the family, the whole family can get sick, not just the addict. And when you feel all that hurt, anger and pain, you deserve to learn how to process it, and to let it go and live a happy life.

As an addict, I wish that for all the loved ones. I am lucky enough to be re-building some of my most important relationships. And I am lucky enough to have been clean for all my son's life, so far. I hope and work to keep it that way.

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