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Blaming others for relapse


Penel0pe Blaming others for relapse...
... is a sure fire way to guarantee an addict will relapse again.
Recovery IS an inside job. Relapse is a personal decision that can be made by one person and one person ONLY...
THE ADDICT.
Recovery (whatever type of recovery the addict chooses - meaning LEARNING TOOLS to stay clean and to cope with life WITHOUT drugs as a crutch) requires effort, willingness to change, and daily maintenance.

Addicts in recovery know that they are accountable for the decisions they make in ALL areas of their lives, INCLUDING the decision to stay clean today, or to blame life, another person, some event, ANYTHING, and use that as a reason to use.

Bottom line, recovering addicts learn that relapse is a decision, not an accident, not someone else's fault, not anything other than a personal choice.

Quitting is easy. Staying clean requires a lot of effort and dedication. Life on life's terms can be a b*tch, and not one of us here is beyond relapse - every one one of us (The addicts here, anyway,) is ONE DECISION AWAY from a relapse.

It is my opinion that if I ever relapse - and you will NEVER hear me say "I will never use again" because I don't know that to be true - it will because I CHOSE to use.

I choose, for today, to stay clean. When I wake up tomorrow, I plan to tell myself that "Just for today, I am not going to get high."

But for now, I am just gonna focus on getting to bed tonight clean - that's the choice I have made for today.
     Replies...
luve
piphany
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
I have accepted the reality that I am an addict too.  Addicts and relapse in my case is also a decision to allow an addict to affect my recovery with "his" (in this present case) addiction.
Loving an actively using addict IS subjecting myself to relapse so I HAVE to live in the present and consciously work on my own recovery.

In the case of loving a meth addict in whatever way, it seems that codependence (addiction to the addict) happens insidiously but almost right in sync with the addict's meth addiction-fast, furious, mean and unforgiving.

We addicts to our addicts have so many triggers. Some of us are more prone to fighting acceptance of our own addiction and in turn more prone to relapse.

In both addictions, I can totally see how our tricky little minds DO make the decision knowing full well what the consequences of relapse may be.

Thanks Pen, we share in much in recovery and on that note, I'm going to a meeting because I'm ripe for a relapse. I'm sad and lonely and fighting depression and I am humble enough to know that I need a defense right now from my tricky little mind.
NoMore
4Me
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Just thought of something.
When I went to prison we all had to do drug assessment tests. I figured, WT heck, I'm locked up, might as well do the test and see what these guys say. I actually was looking forward to it.. I know I'm odd. So I answered everything as honestly as I could.

What my assessment showed was that I hung with people in my using days that were, I dunno... wild(er) than me. The test said I did that to make myself feel better about the 'bad' decisions I was making regarding drug use.
I wonder if that ties in with being addicted to the addict??
imlost
inky
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Good post Pen- excellent post.
Indeed I am responsible for my choices - no one else.
That is the way it works- no one makes me do anything. Everything is a choice.
Quote:
The test said I did that to make myself feel better about the 'bad' decisions I was making regarding drug use.

Chris, that is my husband all over. He always picks friends who are worse on drugs, worse on alcohol than he is.
You said that and it is like a light bulb went off in my head.
That is so true for him.  and yeah, I think it is so he can justify to himself well I am not as bad as so and so therefore I am better.
Interesting point you made.

luve
piphany
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Yep! Codependence is partly about finding a bigger problem to fix. Co-dependence.

Addicts to addicts are very commonly from families with addiction...alcoholism or micro families (friends from childhood) Not all. Pen has wondered about that herself when we discussed this before.

Almost always, there is something that we loved ones are covering up inside...some pains or insecurities and a meth addict seems to fit the bill the best to keep the drama coming so we don't have to focus on those pains.

Like really does attract like.

I have made a point as part of my recovery, to look at the similarities between the addict I love so I can see how I got to this place. Alanon works the steps and traditions right along with the alcoholic/addict. They work wonderfully even when drugs or alcohol are not the drug of choice.

My addict love and I were very suited for each other( partly because of sickness) He is codependent as well (though he is stuck in denial and can't see it yet).

Even if meth had not taken his life (he's not quite dead-but just about), we would have had issues to deal with.

Meth sped up the process of getting down to the nitty gritty of the pain for us both.

I lost my husband 11 years ago. The addict lost his mom and his sister 30 years ago (he moved away from them) We both had some heavy duty grief-that is just one similarity that pulled us together. My pain did sort of cover his...

Addicts and the one's that love them need to fix things...meth fixes things for a while for the addict and the loved one has a BIG FIXIT project. Both are using band aids.

I think this is all where recovery comes down to ME-our SELF. Only we can do it.

So, for me, I really have to give the addict up to God and accept that I can't fix him and he's not even letting me love him...This relationship is one of the ones that has to die completely for healing to begin. EEK!

I haven't accepted that yet, but it's happening right in front of my eyes.
Penel0pe Re: Blaming others for relapse...
I just woke up and decided I am going to stay clean today.
danimal
55
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
My intent is to NEVER use again, not today. not ever.
I choose to KNOW this as truth.
And there's no "IF I ever relapse" in danimals world.
There is no door labeled "IF", if there was... I'd be the first one thru it.
Thoughts > Become > Things
And "If I relapse" isn't on my menu of options....
"IF" is the shadow of doubt that will kill me.

I'm not failing until I begin to blame others for my mistakes [relapse]. 
le
grumps
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
It's all your fault I quit using.
Damn you!
Penel0pe Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Quote:
My intent is to NEVER use again, not today. not ever.
That's my intent too.
What I KNOW is that I won't use today. Other than that, I don't know shyt.
"When you know you don't know, then you know..."  
Hemet
chik
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
when the thought of using comes to light inside of my thick azz skull!!!!
I SURRENDER TO MY ADDICTION...i am an addict....
but I choose not to use today...

day 43
danimal
55
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Yes but Penny Dear...when it's *always* today, and we KNOW that we won't use today...we can dump the "IF" factor and truthfully say that we'll *never* use...
right? 

In my mind "IF" spells uncertainty & represents a banana peel that I choose to step on.

I'm puzzled why we can know absolutely our course of action throughout TODAY, yet remain uncertain about a hypothetical future...when in fact every single relapse that has ever occurred....happened "today".

I'm trying to illustrate the *POWER of NOW*, when we KNOW that *NOW* is all there will ever *BE*.
Hey! that chimes with "BE HERE NOW"!

I DO KNOW that I WILL NEVER RELAPSE... NOW.
am I losing it?
danimal
55
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
You're right, "Never" & "Now" combine to make quite the oxymoron...eh?

One thing does bug me...a LOT, we're trained to identify as/and to call ourselves addicts...& my question is the following > When does that magic moment come when we're no longer an addict? how much time and/ or "recovery" has to pass? or is death the only "Stargate" out of the "addict" box?
Or...Are we "always an addict" as many are quick to confess?

Tell me, I wonder 

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