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Blaming others for relapse
| Penel0pe |
Blaming others for relapse...
... is a sure fire way to guarantee an addict will
relapse again.
Recovery IS an inside job. Relapse is a personal
decision that can be made by one person and one person
ONLY...
THE ADDICT.
Recovery (whatever type of recovery the addict chooses -
meaning LEARNING TOOLS to stay clean and to cope with
life WITHOUT drugs as a crutch) requires effort,
willingness to change, and daily maintenance.
Addicts in recovery know that they are accountable for
the decisions they make in ALL areas of their lives,
INCLUDING the decision to stay clean today, or to blame
life, another person, some event, ANYTHING, and use that
as a reason to use.
Bottom line, recovering addicts learn that relapse is a
decision, not an accident, not someone else's fault, not
anything other than a personal choice.
Quitting is easy. Staying clean requires a lot of effort
and dedication. Life on life's terms can be a b*tch, and
not one of us here is beyond relapse - every one one of
us (The addicts here, anyway,) is ONE DECISION AWAY from
a relapse.
It is my opinion that if I ever relapse - and you will
NEVER hear me say "I will never use again" because I
don't know that to be true - it will because I CHOSE to
use.
I choose, for today, to stay clean. When I wake up
tomorrow, I plan to tell myself that "Just for today, I
am not going to get high."
But for now, I am just gonna focus on getting to bed
tonight clean - that's the choice I have made for today. |
| Replies... |
luve
piphany |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
I have accepted the reality that I am an addict too.
Addicts and relapse in my case is also a decision to
allow an addict to affect my recovery with "his" (in
this present case) addiction.
Loving an actively using addict IS subjecting myself to
relapse so I HAVE to live in the present and consciously
work on my own recovery.
In the case of loving a meth addict in whatever way, it
seems that codependence (addiction to the addict)
happens insidiously but almost right in sync with the
addict's meth addiction-fast, furious, mean and
unforgiving.
We addicts to our addicts have so many triggers. Some of
us are more prone to fighting acceptance of our own
addiction and in turn more prone to relapse.
In both addictions, I can totally see how our tricky
little minds DO make the decision knowing full well what
the consequences of relapse may be.
Thanks Pen, we share in much in recovery and on that
note, I'm going to a meeting because I'm ripe for a
relapse. I'm sad and lonely and fighting depression and
I am humble enough to know that I need a defense right
now from my tricky little mind. |
NoMore
4Me |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Just thought of something.
When I went to prison we all had to do drug assessment
tests. I figured, WT heck, I'm locked up, might as well
do the test and see what these guys say. I actually was
looking forward to it.. I know I'm odd. So I answered
everything as honestly as I could.
What my assessment showed was that I hung with people in
my using days that were, I dunno... wild(er) than me.
The test said I did that to make myself feel better
about the 'bad' decisions I was making regarding drug
use.
I wonder if that ties in with being addicted to the
addict?? |
imlost
inky |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Good post Pen- excellent post.
Indeed I am responsible for my choices - no one else.
That is the way it works- no one makes me do anything.
Everything is a choice.
Quote:
The test said I
did that to make myself feel better about the 'bad'
decisions I was making regarding drug use.
Chris, that is my husband all over. He always picks
friends who are worse on drugs, worse on alcohol than he
is.
You said that and it is like a light bulb went off in my
head.
That is so true for him. and yeah, I think it is
so he can justify to himself well I am not as bad as so
and so therefore I am better.
Interesting point you made. |
luve
piphany |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Yep! Codependence is partly about finding a bigger
problem to fix. Co-dependence.
Addicts to addicts are very commonly from families with
addiction...alcoholism or micro families (friends from
childhood) Not all. Pen has wondered about that herself
when we discussed this before.
Almost always, there is something that we loved ones are
covering up inside...some pains or insecurities and a
meth addict seems to fit the bill the best to keep the
drama coming so we don't have to focus on those pains.
Like really does attract like.
I have made a point as part of my recovery, to look at
the similarities between the addict I love so I can see
how I got to this place. Alanon works the steps and
traditions right along with the alcoholic/addict. They
work wonderfully even when drugs or alcohol are not the
drug of choice.
My addict love and I were very suited for each other(
partly because of sickness) He is codependent as well
(though he is stuck in denial and can't see it yet).
Even if meth had not taken his life (he's not quite
dead-but just about), we would have had issues to deal
with.
Meth sped up the process of getting down to the nitty
gritty of the pain for us both.
I lost my husband 11 years ago. The addict lost his mom
and his sister 30 years ago (he moved away from them) We
both had some heavy duty grief-that is just one
similarity that pulled us together. My pain did sort of
cover his...
Addicts and the one's that love them need to fix
things...meth fixes things for a while for the addict
and the loved one has a BIG FIXIT project. Both are
using band aids.
I think this is all where recovery comes down to ME-our
SELF. Only we can do it.
So, for me, I really have to give the addict up to God
and accept that I can't fix him and he's not even
letting me love him...This relationship is one of the
ones that has to die completely for healing to begin.
EEK!
I haven't accepted that yet, but it's happening right in
front of my eyes. |
| Penel0pe |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
I just woke up and decided I am going to stay clean
today. |
danimal
55 |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
My intent is to NEVER use again, not today. not ever.
I choose to KNOW this as truth.
And there's no "IF I ever relapse" in danimals world.
There is no door labeled "IF", if there was... I'd be
the first one thru it.
Thoughts > Become > Things
And "If I relapse" isn't on my menu of options....
"IF" is the shadow of doubt that will kill me.
I'm not failing until I begin to blame others for my
mistakes [relapse]. |
le
grumps |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
It's all your fault I quit using.
Damn you! |
| Penel0pe |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Quote:
My intent is to
NEVER use again, not today. not ever.
That's my intent too.
What I KNOW is that I won't use today. Other than that, I don't know shyt.
"When you know you
don't know, then you know..."
|
Hemet
chik |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
when the thought of using comes to light inside of my
thick azz skull!!!!
I SURRENDER TO MY ADDICTION...i am an addict....
but I choose not to use today...
day 43 |
danimal
55 |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
Yes but Penny Dear...when it's *always* today, and we
KNOW that we won't use today...we can dump the "IF"
factor and truthfully say that we'll *never* use...
right?
In my mind "IF" spells uncertainty & represents a banana
peel that I choose to step on.
I'm puzzled why we can know absolutely our course of
action throughout TODAY, yet remain uncertain about a
hypothetical future...when in fact every single relapse
that has ever occurred....happened "today".
I'm trying to illustrate the *POWER of NOW*, when we
KNOW that *NOW* is all there will ever *BE*.
Hey! that chimes with "BE HERE NOW"!
I DO KNOW that I WILL NEVER RELAPSE... NOW.
am I losing it? |
danimal
55 |
Re: Blaming others for relapse...
You're right, "Never" & "Now" combine to make
quite the oxymoron...eh?
One thing does bug me...a LOT, we're trained to identify
as/and to call ourselves addicts...& my question is the
following > When does that magic moment come when we're
no longer an addict? how much time and/ or "recovery"
has to pass? or is death the only "Stargate" out of the
"addict" box?
Or...Are we "always an addict" as many are quick to
confess?
Tell me, I wonder |
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