Something happens...doesn't even have to be that bad, and I think about gettin high, but I know that will only get me into trouble and then I have to deal with the come down. Then I think about cutting and if I let that go too far then I do cut, then I feel so hopeless because the cutting doesn't work and all I want to do it get high. So then I feel suicidal.
I finally talked to my mom about all this last night and though it is often hard for her to tell when I am feeling down she is my mom and she gets "feelings". So we talked and cryed and prayed and just got it all out. You would be suprised what stress does to your body. The pain I am in sux and I feel so weak. I often feel like I am dieing it hurts so bad, btu I know I am not lol.
I see a lot of ppl on here who are struggling and I really wish they knew how my heart aches for them. I really wish they knew what beautiful ppl they are and that one day it will get better if they just hang on and have faith. I wish the same for myself. I told my mom last night that it must be such and awesome feeling to truely love yourself. I can not imagine what that is like...I have never loved myself.
Well I am gonna go lay down for a little longer. I just need to empty out some of the pain..though right now it is really hard to do because when I am in this state of mind it feels like the world hates me. I love you all and please keep all the ppl who suffer today in your thoughts and (if you pray) prayers.