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Weight Gain and Meth!

azwillow Weight Gain and Meth
So... I've been dating someone that's still using for the past 6 months. She tried to hide the problem from me for atleast half that time, but since I'm an ex-addict myself, I knew she was lying. We've gotten to the point where I've pretty well told her that either she gets off the %@&^ or I'm gone. She's trying!! She's gone from smoking a little every day to every 3,4,5 days but in the end, it's always some excuse. I'm having a really hard time overcoming this! The most common excuse is, "I don't want to get fat!" I gave her the same lecture that anyone that has ever had the same concern over quitting smoking cigarettes has ever had... The weight gain is temporary... Diet... Exercise... blah blah blah, but it's getting me no where! Anyone have any suggesgtions of different tactics to use?

Also, she's brought it to my attention that my "constant" encouragement in getting the hell off the stuff is having the opposite effect... Like when she wakes up in the morning and see's a text message from me telling her that she can make it through another day is only putting the thought in her head from the time she wakes up. I'm having a real hard time with this one. Silence feels like I'm doing NOTHING to help her or remind her of her goals, but I can see the logic. Does anyone see this as an excuse or a legitimate reason?

I can't wait to sleep next to this girl when she's not twitching all night! It really takes me back to my past problems and being around her makes it really hard to stay off the stuff myself

Any suggestions!! Please!
Re: Weight Gain and Meth
My personal experience was I had a hard enough time keeping my own ass clean, let alone trying to help someone else get off the crap.

I managed to stay clean/sober for 4 years, and I did have some good solid recovery under my belt. However, I did NOT listen when I got myself into a sick relationship, he relapsed, I was convinced I could help him get clean again and not use myself and guess what? 4 years out the window.

It was so not worth it. No one is worth me giving away my hard-earned recovery these days.

Today, I stick with the winners, the ones who are in recovery and have a desire to stay in recovery.

You're walking a very slippery slope, my friend

Eventually the addict in the back of your brain is going to come forward and start driving the bus to hell again, I guarantee.

I've seen it happen time after time over the past 21 years to believe otherwise.
Re: Weight Gain and Meth
It doesn't sound like she's really ready to do what it takes to quit and recover.
I'm sorry, but it doesn't. People begin using meth for all different reasons and stop for all different reasons also. People also need all different types of recovery and support and help.
Here are the loved one's three most important sentences of wisdom and a fourth one of caution

I didn't cause their addiction.
I can't control their addiction.
I can't cure their addiction.

but I can contribute to their addiction in twisted screwed up insane ways that I'm not even remotely aware of
Congratulations on your recovery!
Please hold it dearly like the miracle it is.

Re: Weight Gain and Meth

Amen LUV... Nice azz Willow!
I tend to think that she would be more like Robby99 about getting clean. He has 41 DAYS clean and his computer reminds him every morning. Any ex users agree to my conclusion?

azwillow Re: Weight Gain and Meth
I've been off the crap for almost 10 years and don't have any intent on ever going back to it Believe me when I say, if I ever get that close to it, I will leave her in a heartbeat! The only reason I haven't given up hope and cut her out of my life (like I've done with anyone and everyone else on the $%&! for almost 10 years), is because of the absolute sincerity she conveys when she talks about cleaning up. I guess we all had that at some point. I'm trying to do and say all of the things that I wish someone had done or said to me when I was looking for help and I know that abandoning her now would completely negate any progress that she has made...

I'm trying to gently point out the differences between her sober and not. Where she seems to be laughing and having a good time when sober as opposed to the virtual emotionlessness when not. The affection that she shows when she's not messed up... Getting to work on time... Paying some sort of attention to a clock instead of being on tweeker time. All of these things... I guess it's the generic "there's more to life than _______" speech I'm trying...

I guess I don't know what time is the right time to write her off. At which point do the "I don't want to get fat," and "so and so said and I felt terrible about myself so..." become too much? It's a real dilema!
Re: Weight Gain and Meth
I feel like it's a miracle that I was able to walk away from and really hate all drugs(cept caffeine & nicotine) many years ago as well. I feel like I know a secret....and well, I felt like the men that loved me would see that miracle and just follow me. It didn't happen that way. Somehow I ended up in relationships with 2 different addicts, both extremely manipulative too. Unfortunately I became the ultimate enabler with them both without knowing it. They both knew the right things to say to me and the right buttons to push to keep their addiction rolling strong and still keep me happy....
I was so antidrug and the bs that goes along with it, but it still affected me and made me crazy. In a sad way, I ended up playing God.....in that I knew that my x(both of them actually) weren't supposed to be addicted to meth and I refused to accept defeat over their addiction.
I totally believed that my x Did want out of his meth life and day after day I waited for the change to take place and for him to say No to the shyt like I believed he was supposed to....I couldn't believe that he would choose meth over me and the great life we "could" have together.
It was such a long process until I accepted that my x bf WAS a meth addict and I couldn't do a damned thing about it. I was really blown away that I had so little power over him. Meth beat me out bigtime. I mean, I couldn't figure out how he could love meth more. That is when I started feeling very crappy about myself....thinking I wasn't good enough, I hadn't done enough etc.

What a terrible circle of insanity. I started throwing tantrums-I acted more like the meth addict than he did at times.
and then, when I said, "You choose, it's meth or me," he chose meth. I couldn't believe it! NO WAY could that toxic evil shyt be worth more to him than I was! Yep, the addiction had taken over his life and he turned his back on everything good and loving, even me.
Most do....at least until everyone important in the meth addict's life says, "NO, I won't help you kill yourself"
It took me a long time to see that I was actually helping him to kill himself by allowing him to keep feeding me the addict speak and excuses as to why he had to keep doin meth.
Of course, everyone is different...... I'm glad you came here azwillow.
I hope you will keep sharing, it does hurt to love a meth addict, no matter who you are.
Loraura Re: Weight Gain and Meth
Recovering from active meth addiction presents some special challenges, one of those being unwanted weight gain.

I wrote this article a while back, If I can help in any way, please let me know.
Re: Weight Gain and Meth
IMO it's only a matter of time until you're both clean or both using.
I'd guess that she could stand to gain a few pounds, the anorexic look is a real turn off.
There's no valid excuse to keep using...and the FACT remains that WE DON'T HAVE TO USE!
I repeat...
WE DON'T HAVE TO USE!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Weight Gain and Meth
I gained 100 lbs after quitting meth and even though it's been a total pain losing the weight, it was all still worth getting clean and finding out what its like to not be trapped in a marriage with chemicals and compulsion.

The tipping point to finally want to get clean is another thing all together. As sincere as she is about wanting to quit, (just as many people are so very sincere about wanting to lose weight), she needs to be spring into action by herself. Nothing "sticks" unless you are determined (as you probably know, based on your protecting your own recovery in the past by staying away from people on the %$#+.)

SHE has to be willing to do whatever it takes to get better, even if it means getting a little fat for awhile.

If she's not ready to quit, she's not ready. And yes, encouragement will just be annoying to her.

Sucks, but true.

See also:

Weight Gain Issues

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