When an addict says, "I love you"

race
bannon

When an addict says "I love you"

Can anyone shed some light on what goes on in an addicts head when they say "I love you, I miss you" - but their actions prove the exact opposite. How capable is an addict of loving anything other than meth? I am working hard on ignoring my X, but she persists with the "I love you’s".

Loraura

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

They mean it, as much as any of us mean it. But they are COMPELLED to feed their addiction, even when it goes against everything they want.

mr soul
shine

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

how are you ignoring her if you hear say I love you or get her text or whatever. I feel for the pain you have went through. I gotta say YOU aren't doing a good job of ignoring her if she gets that message to you somehow. do you really wanna ignore her?

xxaddict

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

I posted this a long time ago. Maybe it will help in some way.

While I was using I hurt everyone who loved me in one way or another.
I could go on and on about the things I done. But I wont tonight.

I want to try and explain something about me and most of the addicts I know. This is not a reason or excuse for the choices I made. But it is a truth

My wife grew to believe I hated her. She couldn't understand why I was acting and doing the things I was doing.

We hardly ever talked and I guess when we did she was so happy to have me pay attention to her she didn't want to take a chance on fighting by asking me what the hell was wrong with me.

My wife loves me and I love her. But I hurt her so bad and I am now so ashamed of what I did. Im getting off track here.

The thing is she came to believe that every decision that I made was designed to hurt her. Why else would I be hurting her like I was unless I was doing it on purpose.

And now I would think the same thing. And that's the way it was with all my friend and their none using wife's.

I never came to realize this until a month or so before I finely quit. And then only through reading her diary.

What Im trying to say is this. She was wrong I never stopped loving her.
The sad fact is in my addiction. She didn't come into the equation at all.

All of my choices and actions were based solely on my need to acquire and use meth.

I couldn't see any farther than that. And I couldn't see that that was all I was seeing.

My using friend still don't see it. But I see it so clearly now that it hurts me to the bone. I hope you can make some sense out of that.

I know I hurt so many people. But I didn't do it on purpose. Maybe I even knew it but if I did. My addiction didn't let it matter.

All I know is that the person I am now and the person I was before meth. Would not have let that happen.

And I doubt if your addict would either. Again Im not trying to make excuses. But maybe that is what is happening with your addict and he or she don't notice it either.

I am sorry for the hurt we do.

race
bannon

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

she texts me a few times a day because I dont answer her calls. I am ignoring her, its getting better.

danimal55

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

Race...
She's delusional, psychotic at times, paranoid, deceptive, manipulative, hurting/suffering, afraid, ashamed, ADDICTED.....
a frustrating mess in general.

Realize that your love is the soul essence of who you are, she is simply a "screen" upon which you chose to project your love.
She is not your love.... *you* are.

You're casting your pearls where they're going to get squandered and ground into dust... and you will continue to get hurt if you continue to place yourself at her mercy.

You can rise above this.

Try to embrace what it means to detatch with love and compassion, or continue to sacrificre your sanity while you beat a dead horse and risk falling into full blown meth addiction yourself.

Misery loves company....and STD's are always looking for a new host.

She is in deep, needs serious help.... lots of it, and it's not the type of help that you can give her.

Love is just a four letter word until it is expressed in a meaningful, sincere and meth free manner.

Genuine love comes from the heart not from a chemical...take away the meth and the drug induced, ego generated imitation "love/lust" will transform dramatically into something quite the opposite of love.

Authentic love and compassion for ones self is prerequisite to sincerily and unconditionally loving another human being.

Meth induced "Love" is contingent upon a hyper-stimulated nuerochemistry and the un-earned flow of dopamine and other feel-good neurotransmitters...this is clearly demonstrated when the meth runs out, brain chemicals are depleted or destroyed, and acute withdrawl and anhedonia set in.

aka reality

i.e. How do ya like me now?

I Love You...I'll Kill You
[by Enigma]

I see love, I can see passion
I feel danger, I feel obsession
Don't play games with the ones who love you
Cause I hear a voice who says:
I love you... I'll kill you...
Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room...
Look into the mirror of your soul
Love and hate are one in all
Sacrifice turns to revenge and believe me
You'll see the face who'll say:
I love you... I'll kill you...
But I'll love you forever
Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room...

race
bannon

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

Powerful stuff my friend. I think she tells everyone that she loves them.

Eve au
naturel

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

When I first read the title of your post I honestly thought, "Run like Hell" when an addict says they love you.

When I was a kid I used to go up to my father, stand there and stare for a minute or two, and then burst out "I love you!" His response would either be "Okay, what did you do?" or "What do you want?"

In a way it's similiar when someone in full blown addiction proclaims love... usually only at times when they stand to gain something from it.

One thing I've learned about myself is that I can be manipulative even when I'm drug-free and not realize that I'm doing it. Sometimes that's due to denial. Anyway, sometimes people abuse "I love you" as a way to soften up someone or play on the old heart-strings.

I remember when I first started getting high on stimulants my imitiation euphoria would make me more accepting/ tolerant of others and--for a few moments--I felt like I loved everybody. But I think her addiction is probably way past that stage.

One thing I've learned from dating my now ex (second) fiance is that he did feel love, but he couldn't show it to me in a way that I could recognize it and accept it.

When I first got with him I *just* drank occassionally and smoked pot. By the end of the relationship I was strung out on many substances, including meth. Please, whatever you do, don't try using with her. I was hooked on crank the first night.

I've lost my trail of thought. Another consenquence of my past drug use?

Please take care of YOURSELF and not loose your sense of self in the relationship with your addict.

robert
borges

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

In my meth mind I would say I love you. At the same time I"m thinking but how much I hate myself for being in this state and for doing what
I"m doing right now.
And why do you keep staying when all I do is close the door and go to the bathroom hit my pipe...Lay in bed and look
so miserable or get on the computer and play kid games and not look at anybody or start crying for no reason..then leave without
saying were I"m going but I know you know I"m going to get more so I can repeat what I"m doing or staying up all night and looking for desires
outside of our relationship even if It's not with anybody..
I can go on and on minute by minute but that is my mind on meth...love may be there
but it is as repressed as your soul is....

XOutlaw
Woman

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

Meth addicts are human beings capable of love just like a normie. I never stopped loving my family when I was using. We are not totally void of feelings. We love, we hurt, we get angry, we feel just like anyone. We bleed red when cut. We are people with a problem.

Feeding an active addiction is like eating when you are hungry. The hunger won't go away until the need is met The addict does not do drugs to harm the ones they love, they do it because of the need it fills.

nine
years
clean

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

LOVE IS AN ACTION WORD.

Do her actions tell you that she loves you?

logolove

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

^co-signed -

No matter how much love an addict feels - if it does not move them to action that benefits you and your relationship then it is not real - it is a feeling passable and changeable like the wind and not concrete - stealing money to get meth is an action on behalf of their addiction - addiction to me is self-love gone awry - hence the narcissistic behavior.

I want so much to believe my addict loves or loved me and it is finally sinking in that even if he "feels" it in passing it was never enough to motivate behaviour that felt loving to me. If it was something that felt loving like sharing a meal - it was a meal that I went to the store and paid for the food and prepared with love in my heart for him and then we ate together and he would be happy with me for a bit (and I would clean it up of course - I almost fell off my chair when he actually one time brought his plate to the sink)- but ALL of the loving action in the relationship was being generated by me. If I spent half as much time caring for myself like I did for him - well I would be in a different place emotionally today that is for sure - and frankly probably a lot healthier and less sad of a place.

JMO - like for the addict - when the pain of letting go of her is less difficult to deal with than the pain of hanging on to her - you will let go. I wish for you it is sooner rather than later - I have spent 4 years of my life in this mess. No more - now I just hurt but soon enough that will pass too.

lovean
addict

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

Hi Racebannon!!

Nineyearsclean has hit the nail on the head. Her actions do not suggest love. Here is the thing. It is like me and my ex. He said he loves me, but admitted he loves drugs more (yeah, quite a blow to the old ego huh?) Seriously though, I have a suggestion for you. It may sound corny, but maybe try it.

I was reading this book the other day about this woman whose depression led her to alcoholism. In treatment, she was told every morning to get up and say the following:
"I will not have a drink."
"Just for today."

Now, I know it sounds sorta dumb, but I thought to myself, geez, you could use this with anything you are trying to quit. So I have been just telling myself every day, "I will not have contact with him or any of his family. Just for today". Basically, what I am saying is to try this. It makes you really take it one day at a time. Instead of saying "I will walk away and not talk to her anymore", just don't talk to her today. Then say the same thing tomorrow and the next day. Taking it one day at a time has been much easier for me. One day doesn't seem so hard you know? And then tomorrow I will say the same thing.

I feel like I am rambling a bit, but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying. Just try it. Don't call her, accept her calls or respond to her texts today. You can do it for one day right? Then do it again tomorrow. Its been 13 days for me, and while I haven't had a great epiphany or anything, I am gaining some perspective. I don't deserve to be used. I don't deserve to be second to a bag of white sh*t.

Racebannon, I've said it before and I'm going to reiterate. . .you are a good guy. This girl is really lucky to have you in her corner and she is taking advantage of it. You don't deserve this heartache. Hang in there and stay strong. Keep on this message board. In moments of weakness, come here. That's what I've been doing. My boyfriend and I used to talk every morning when I first got to work. Now, to keep myself busy during that time, I come here.

I'm rooting for you!!

le grumps

Re: When an addict says "I love you"

I really want one of those Scion boxy little cars. You know what ones I am talking about? I really, really want one.

But I can't afford one. Sure I can get car payments, but I do not have the financial willpower and responsibility to make payments at this time. It's too much for me, I am still struggling with my ability to budget and prioritize and hold on to my money long enough to pay bills regularly.

The last thing I need is to buy the car anyway and be stuck with the payments. I totally love that car, but I don't have the means to actually keep it.


Same kind of deal with an addict. She loves you with the means she's got, and she doesn't have much because meth is a priority. She doesn't have the means to love someone the way people generally love each other.