What's left after Meth?

What's left After Meth?

i was sitting at my laptop tonight. Thinking of my life/ past, present... future? I look at my children all of then and in each and every one of them I see the lasting affects of Meth! Even though only 1 has used the shyt it amazes me how much all 5 of the others have been affected in one way or another, by my use and thier step-fathers using. Our fights we have had. The hurt they saw 2 people inflict upon each other. Yet (LOVE) always remained. So I thought. My children have never gone on a family vacation for the summer like most family's do. I did when I was young. Each Christmas got bleaker. Every holiday seemed to get worse as the years went on to the point it was like the motions we went through, not Emotions. What was only supposed to last for 1 year at the max, lasted for 12 years. I am speaking of a 2 bedroom duplex on a street that is known for drug users, parolee's etc. What was supposed to only be maybe 1 year living where I live has turned into a living Hell that I can't seem to get out of.
And what once was dreams has all turned into nightmares. All due to Meth

How so self involved we got with each other, my husband and I. Forgetting the most important things in life raising our children. But always in the back lurked Meth. The mood swings. The anger, the late nights while step-dad was up cruising around. Or me on the computer. Slowly I have watched my family fall apart and stood and did not a dam thing.

To scared? to selfish? To worried of how I might look if things went terribly wrong?

WELL IT ALL CAME TRUE BECAUSE IT ALL WAS TRUE!
and now I sit and watch my world get worse and worse every day. I have given up on so many things that used to be important in my life. I am now so lost that I can't find my way back. And I am so angry because I have only my self to blame. I thought that my children would be young almost forever. Instead they grew up to fast. None of those precious moments can be replaced. I feel like a looser, a failure to myself but mostly to my children. And I've lost my husband forever. Due to Meth. No he didn't die. But he might as well have. Because he will never be the same. Neither will we.

SO TO ANSWER MY OWN QUESTION:

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WHAT'S LEFT AFTER METH?

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Re: What's left After Meth?

Maybe it is the fact that meth is still in the picture that leads you to believe that there is absolutely nothing left after meth. When meth is in the picture you are absoltely right, there is nothing after meth. All that there is is meth, meth and then some more meth involved things.

When the meth is not in the picture it takes time but there are things after meth. There are those beautiful smiles of your children and laughter. It can and does get better hon.

Re: What's left After Meth?

A brighter side of the coin?

Ya know....the Tibetan Bhudist monks and other monks (and spiritual people all over) have treasured having nothing for 1,000's of years.

The theory that taking away every worldly thing, possesion even thought, takes one back to oneself and one's God/Love has been proven true for many....

Maybe meth addiction can be looked at as a "good" thing in that it does take everything away and if one gets through to the place of having nothing and still wants life and loves oneself...then that's a "good" thing.

Surrender to me means not losing, but emptying the cup so it can be filled again.

Many people go through life without ever finding themselves or love inside themselves or God inside themselves. Many never have to battle for their lives. Many never have the chance to test their inner spirit. In some ways, I think, "lucky them" in other ways, I think, "poor them".

luvya

Re: What's left After Meth?

You know I once thought along the same lines as you are right now. I never thought I would become a meth junkie, but I did. I wasnt raised like that, my parents weren't junkies, they were hard workers and they took us on those family vacations & we have family get togethers and they paid bills and taught us how to be a part of life and be responsible. Yet there I was 10 Years in and out of jail, snorting, smoking eating, and finally shooting meth. Unemployed and the biggest mess in the world. I finally got to a point where it seemed that this is just the way is was. I didnt intend on things becoming this way, I had dreams and ambitions at one time, yet now it appeared as though I let them all fade away and my chances just pass me by while I got high. Every where I looked everything I felt and heard were just reminder after reminder of what a failure I had become and it appeared it was just too late for me, I was sure there was no way I could fix all the damage I had done , I surrendered to the fact that this was it for me.

Thank God my perception at that time was completely WRONG. Thank God.
Because I was very very very wrong. True we cant undo the past, but we can learn how to make the future better no matter how bad things have become.
I am 4 years clean. I was someone who no one thought would ever get sober EVER.
And here I am /.. typing this to you from a job I have had for 4 years. I havent been to jail in almost 5 years and life is good today. Not perfect, because no ones is. And there are still things that pop up that are reminder that my past may always pop up to remind me of the ways I have screwed up but SO WHAT I just keep moving forward keep taking positive actions in my life and try to be the best I can today.

I got sober through 12 step meetings and AA.

If I can do it so can you dont believe the lies meth is feeding you.
Please dont because there is still a lot life has to offer if choose to do something about it.

Re: What's left After Meth?

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ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!!

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Re: What's left After Meth?

Once you overcome your addiction, you know you can overcome all things. The impossible becomes possible. The undoable, doable. The unmanageable, manageable. Overcoming an addiction even eases the process of releasing our addiction to life at the time of our death.

In the process of overcoming addiction, you can learn discipline, self-confidence, humility, appreciation, self-love, and forgiveness. Important lessons, these.

Re: What's left After Meth?

What's left after meth?
Everything you turned your back on for meth.
Life is there after meth- it isn't with it.
Surviving is not living- existing is not living- letting days come in and go without ever noticing is not living.
Everything worth having is there after meth-
nothing is there with meth.Not even you.

Re: What's left After Meth?

Life

Love

Happiness

Everything that is happy and wonderful seriously.