They Don't make enough Ice!

During the last two years of my use, I would go to my supplier and he would ask " How much do you want? " My standard reply was always " How much have you got? " I would always leave with how ever much I could get. I always ran out. I remember feeling a lot of anger when I would get down to the last bit in the bag. Anger that it was gone again. Anger that they just did not make enough. Whenever a "friend" would give me a little crappy line and it wasn't enough to get me going, I would get mad. You see, there just was not enough dope made to satisfy me. No matter how much I had or did, I always wanted more. It was a sick need. I am thankful today that I no longer have that need. I am thankful to be satisfied with no dope. I am thankful not to be haunted by the anger of the empty baggie. Peace and God Bless!

No kidding, huh. What an awesome post!

Hi all... I have a 21 yr old daughter on meth, pregnant, and she has 2 autoimmune disorders that by themselves can kill her.....We live in different states and I havent heard from her in almost 4 months. The last time she called was when she *neded some money for groceries* I wired it to her, and never heard from her again....Im in agony here..absolute, my little girl could die and I dont know who would even get a hold of me..I know no one that she does...HELP Becca This isnt much of a reply to you, but even tho I dont know you.. I love you and so respect your hard road that you took!

I remember when I came to a point that I would want a line that went diagonally across the mirror ... then I graduated to give me one the length of the coffee table ... later it was I wanted a big fat huge line the width of my pinky ...

I remember going to score and the drive was about 30 mins away ... I clinched my jaws together so hard in anxiety
they ached ... I could hardly wait to get the dope up my nose ... the drive was truly agonizing for me ... and as soon as I filled my nose "LIFE WAS WONDERFUL AGAIN" Now when I think back I get anxiety from just thinking about using ... I am so grateful to be a recovering addict and not active ...

All Glory, Power and Honor ... I give to God ... for without him I did not have the stregth to do it ... When I came to the end of myself and cried out (willing to surrender myself and my addiction to Him) I was free from the bondage of my addiction. And to my God, I am forever grateful

Passion

he was smoking the meth and snorting 3 lines of coke at the same time... said the meth wasn't doing much for him anymore... yet each time i've seen him lately he is smoking it like a chain smoker puffs on a cig.

thoughts about this?

You get to the point where you can smoke and smoke and your not getting any higher. You can't seem to get the same feeling you did when you first smoked it.

Then eventually you crash, sleep. Get up smoke and do it all over again! That's your life and it's what you become.

I hated that and don't ever want to go back.

I was told in early recovery to put 1/2 the energy into recovery that I would getting high, and I would be alright.


Just a suggestion. But you are so right and I am soooo proud of you!!!!

Being clean is wonderful!!!

You are right. There was never enough. I used to cook my own and I could never get high enough. I think the searching is part of our obsession with meth.
I am addicted to the cook and lifestyle... Why I ask?
This new way of life is so much simpler... I am no longer a starving wolfe hunting and gathering.
Why do I miss so much? Oh, I am an addict. Some days I am just here hangin' on for dear life.
today I went to a meeting with my favorite buddy, We went shopping, drove around in her 1989 vw convertable, and I bought my son and boyfriend each a book.
So relaxing and so sereal... I was not high trying to make the day last longer or wonder where I am going to shoot up next...
I feel good today being sober.... But why do I want to be high?
love and peace, bg75

bg, I know what you mean. It is so hard to get it out of our heads sometimes. I do not know why we would want something that rips us apart like it does. I have so many great things to be thankful for now that I no longer use (one year this month ). I have so much to lose if I start using again, yet I still find myself thinking about how much "fun" I had on dope. I knew a woman a lot like you who also cooked. Matter of fact her initials are B.G. No shyt. Anyway, she said she was addicted to the cook too. She said she got a rush from being able to pull it off and just the act of doing it was a thrill. I hope one day she sees the light and comes out of the meth tunnell too. Be strong and count those blessings. It helps me to remember all the bad stuff when I start to glorify my drug days. It brings me back to center to remember all the hell I went thru and put my family thru. Peace and God bless~