Dealing with heart ache of having a loved who is using meth

I am just curious for those of you who have been dealing with heart ache of having a loved who is using meth ... those of you who have been dealing with this for a long period .. How do you get the painful thoughts out of your head?

Things are going fine I am happy for a moment and then wham I am broad sided by my mom again .... there she is .. and it is another Blow to my heart .... ANd then it takes me what seems forever to let it go ... so I can live with out being consumed by the pain of it all. I hate this YO-YOness of it all. It is Killing me. I am better then when it all first started ... i at least am to the point where I can feel some anger towards it all and am not in tears 100% of the time. But i just can't figure out how to stop thinking about it all. and just curious if any of you have any advice in how you did it?
- angieNcali

I know from experience that it doesn't get easy. Though I'm a current/using meth addict, I've been clean and had to deal with the pain of having 3 other addicts in my family. I've had the opportunity to distance myself though. I live in the western US and the rest of my family lives in the eastern US. BUT that still doesn't get them out of my head. One of my family s died a few years ago from abuse, the other 2 are in prison. So you ask, why do I use?? Sheer stupidity! Maybe I wanted a better understanding of how to cope or where they were coming from. Now I'm an addict. I feel like I can't help them anymore because of my use. Because they are locked up, I know they are safe and off the streets at least. I use in part to numb myself from feeling anything - most of all to get them off of my mind.I don't know why I replied to your post. I guess to share and maybe to let you know it could always be worse.... you yourself could be an addict!You can check with your state and see if there are any programs offerin intervention. Re in the old days where a family could have another locked up involuntarily? You can still do that in some areas of the US. We did that with my sister.... she just got worse though when she got out. Now she hates us. I'll be clean and have to deal in the next couple of days. Though I'm scared, I know I can do it. As far as the pain associated with thinking of someone you love being an addict, I've learned that doing the best you can do for them and knowing it makes it a little easier. As long as you keep your door and your heart open to them, the best you can do is move on with your life. (and stay clean in my case!)
- WhoLetMeGetMe

I ask myself do I want to move forward or move backward. I was so angry and it wasted my energy. So with therapy I learned to look forward. Even with my cousin and her meth addiction. She has lost her children and she acts like she had is a lost cause. I try and re the good times and they outweigh the bad times. Anyway I just feel moving forward takes less effort than looking backward. Does that makes sense? Of course some of these thoughts do get in my head when I see the house we once shared or the dog we got together (who is now with him). But then I remind myself what is more important. Hope this helps. Also take a deep breath and purposefully smile. For some reason that reminds me of happiness
- macystiller

I am an meth addict ... I used for 10 years .... I have been clean now for a little while ... & it just kills me that my mother is doing this. ??????? It makes me sick inside & I just wanna stop thinking about it so I dont have to hurt inside ...................... Here is what is on my mind that I cant stop thinking about.ANd this is what continues to happen. things are fine for awhile or at least I am. But right when I find a moment of happiness it never lives for very long ... and it gets snatched away from me ... because there is my mom doing somethng that kills me. And instead of continuing on with my happiness (planning a wedding) I heart ache over what is going on with her. ANd it is always something new. Last night around 11:00 I was leaving my future in laws ... we had been busy making the invitations and stuff for the wedding. And as I am driving down the street I See this truck that looks like my moms cruise down the street at the end of the block ... i am about 3/4 of a block away so can't really tell ... excpet she drives an old chevy Pick-Up .... with the front left fender that is black and the rest of the truck is white .... anyways I quickly speed up to see which way it turns ...Because just a few blocks over is one of the BIGGEST TWEAKER HOUSE EVER ... I know because I used to Shoot up there and party there for days on end ... I practically lived in the garage with my fiance there ... the guy who's house it is used to be my fiance's best friends house ... well it is still his house they just are no longer friends. Some of the worst times of my using ... the most terrible lowest times of my life were spent there .... things got really really bad for Panch & I there. Anyways so I see the truck and it turns in that direction ... so I do to. then i see it makes another turn .... yup still in the direction of his house. And then as i reach the TWEAKER PAD .... SURE AS @#%$ it is her truck and the IDIOT if DRIVING and she is Passenger..... so they see me. But i continute to drive to the end of his block ... scrammbling for my phone because now I am shaking ... I AM SO PI**ED & DISGUSTED !!!!!!!!!! I am there for a few minutes .... and then I finally get my brother on the phone so I drive back and am idling right in front of the house and they are in the walk way about to go into his house ..... my mom turns and is slowly walking up to the car ... and i am talking to my brother (who btw isnt as upset as ME ......) I drive slowly away from her because I dont even wanna see her face. then the idiot starts to follow her ........ I pull away alll together ........ I AM F’ ING SO PISSED OFF.I called her and she answered I told her I hated her .... and that I had called my brother and told him ... she says in a snotty way ....... " told him what?" " I said what ever in the f’k I gotta tell him is what I'll tell him.... Oh and BTW the way I am f’ king calling the cops"....... And i did. i got a number and i left a message gave them the guys name and address and gave them my phone number. I am soooooo Over this CRAP !!!!!!
- angieNcali

My best friend always reminds me that the way I feel is my problem. She says I need to let go more often. (Thus, therapy, etc.) Anyway I think you need to let it go hon. Concentrate on your wedding and your happy thoughts. A wedding is a big thing and you should be happy. And proud that you are no longer using. Yes it's easier said than done. Maybe try journaling your feelings rather than hanging on to them. Or try stepping outside of the box and look at the situation in a different perspective. Anyway I hope you have a better day!
- Stacy

I do realize i need to let go. I do. And I say I am gonna and then I try ....... But then something new happens..and it is my Mother after all so it is a little difficult. It is hard for me to just say .......Okay I am getting married ... I'll focus on that and not worry about my mom because after all it is my time to be happy. it is hard when you LOVE someone soooooo Much. I am jsut sick inside. it makes me mad ... that I have to let go of my mom I should NEVER EVER have to be put in a position to do that ..... but I suppose i once did the same to her.
- angieNcali

No should not have to let go. But maybe letting go is what needs to be done to help her! And also just because you let go doesn't mean you dont love her. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I needed to talk to someone. Your right. It doesnt mean that I dont love her. But it SURE feels to me like it means .... THAT she Doesnt love me. I know it isnt true but GOD it feels that way Thank you again
- macystiller

I am glad I could be of help since this board has really been helping me! But I am trying to do the same with my ex and my cousin and everyday I struggle. But I just say to myself is it worth it? I love them no matter what! And I just decided that God can do the worry for me! So take care of yourself and your upcoming wedding!
- macystiller

Hey Angie,
Oh I know the pain all to well of driving by and seeing someone you loves car or even my car at the dope house. I was just like you not to say that I don't still do it every now and then but it is few and far between. I know where the houses are that he hangs out. So I just avoid those street at all cost. It just upset me and I have the same reaction but I would call him just to grip him out. Usually I act like I don't know where he is and he lies about it. Which just really pisses me off more. So for that situation I just avoid the house so I don't have to see it. I know where he is but I don't make the choose to drive by when I now it will just upset me more.Well for me I know the weekends are when he is on the go. So I try my best to stay as busy as I can.. That way it does not give me much time to worry about them. Then by the time I am at home I am exhausted and tried I don't worry what he is doing. We have been having rough time here lately...I am getting more and more angry wanting out and the feelings are coming hard and fast. But I plan my time so I don't have lots of down time to sit and get upset. Try not to go looking for the situation. Because you already know what is going on..It is hard enough that we know but don't search out the heartache. I know it is hard trust me I know. I live it everyday. Stay stong all of it sticking together, pray every day and hopefully they will reach rock bottom soon...
- TenderHeart77

Angie, the heart ache never really goes away, you simply learn to live with it and around it.I say simply, but it is anything but simple.Sometimes you have to let the anger come, the tears, then you have to take a deep breath and do for yourself.I know that for you, having been through it all yourself during your own years of living that life, must find each event more painful in that you know what she must be feeling, both the assumed good and bad.I won't say it will get better, but I will say some minutes, hours and even whole days will be better...just as there will be minutes, hours and days when you will hurt for her, be angry with her and in turn wishing there was some way to get through to her.Right now this man she is with fills some need for her...she does what he does, goes where he goes...heading for her own downfall from which she will have to bring herself up again, with or without him. Just as you did.I can only tell you to love her, but don't let this love control your life...don't let your past experiences color what you percieve hers to be. All easier said than done. So cry when you need to cry, be angry when you need to be angry, and learn to laugh again, because there are others who love you also and need you. Just as you need them.
- Just Ol Ma

Thank you Ma ............ I know ... your right. But man this is a B*tch ....ya know when you get sober ... your hoping and praying ... and trying and working your a** off to leave that world behind. That drug and all the pain and emptiness that goes along with it. But that just isnt the case for i suppose. I am done for right now thinking about it. I am leaving for Chicago in 2 days I am gonna try & be excited about that. I have never been on an air plane before so i have exciting things to look forward to. Tierd of looking back Thanks again Ma
- angieNcali

Sometimes it is a bitch being right...There is one bright side to all this. As much as it hurts, you are ALL here to feel it...hon, it is all part of life...mostly good, but when it is bad it sucks.
- Just Ol Ma